So one of the things i am currently struggling with is my marriage. I love my wife. Great companion, great mother. We laugh and I can count on her. There has just been one issue...the sex has just been the pits for years now. I feel like it is hard for me to even have those feelings for her anymore. So we talked...and it really hurt her. e are working on things...but it is rough. Anyways just figured I'd let you all know one of my issues...more to come later.

Hi Shadow and welcome to the forums, nice to have one more guy posting, you poor men are definitely outnumbered. And I must admit that I am fascinated with having someone who is a therapist as well as a patient, I think you'll bring another interesting perspective. I hope that you can find the support and insight you need here. I think you will; this is a great community with a lot of wisdom.

As for your marital problems, is it just you not feeling particularly attracted or is it your wife as well? From my experience (I've been married for 23 years and have just come out of a really bad rough patch with the help of a gifted therapist) sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage but it often serves as a good barometer. If there are buried anger or intimacy problems, especially if you're not consciously aware of them, they will
manifest in your sex life.

AG

Shadow - You may find a question(s) that you can resonate with in the Cloud-Townsend video library on marriage.I often visit this site and it has helped me very much.

http://www.cloudtownsend.com/channels/marriage.php

Thank you for the warm welcome and feedback ladies.

HB you bring up a good point in saying that I should look inward for this issues as much as I look outward. Sexuality really is a highly personal and individual thing. There have been many times in our marriage that I have felt attractive and attracted to her...but many times, and lately it has been the opposite. I think one thing is that my everyday life can be routine and very unsexy. Maybe I need to spend some time reconnecting with that part of me so that I can reconnect with her. As for feeling attraction at all...I know I can...I have been attracted to other women as well. I guess that is what scare me, I want to feel that for my wife again.

AG you asked if she is attracted to me? She says yes, but I do not think it is like it was. Of course I have to realize that in a mature relationship we can't be like we were in the beginning not keeping our hands off each other, and lusting 24 hours a day...but I wouldn't mind some of that. I agree that there is more than sex in a marriage...but when itis not working it really becomes important. I am a man that does want good sex...it is important to me. I think one of the things I've worked through is accepting this about myself and now I need to let my wife know just how vitalit is to my happiness. Of course maybe the real issue here...is why is it so important to me?

Flicka thanks for the link. I watched one little video so far, and I think I'll be watching more when i get some time.

Looking forward to more discussion.

Hi Shadow, welcome to the forum!

My H and I have been struggling with the whole sex thing for what seems like our entire married life. The basic conflict is as old as time: he wants it and I don't. Well, it isn't that I never want to have sex but I hate the pressure to have it to meet his need especially since I don't feel emotionally close to him.

We have been married for 12 years and have been in marriage counseling for 9 months. Earlier this year he agreed to stop asking and to give me some space and to wait for me to initiate. It was like heaven. Then after a couple of months I felt better about it and initiated and we had sex. It was good but didn't make all of our problems disappear or anything. That was about 4 months ago and since then it has been "back to normal" meaning back to the way things were before he laid of the pressure so needless to say I am discouraged with him and myself and just wish we had more compatible sex drives. I seriously don't believe that he understands my side of this and I don't understand his. Of course we are trying to work on this but reading your post made me think that maybe your story could help me to understand my husband's side of things a little better. I know that men have a strong sex drive but I don't see how it makes him feel that it is OK to pressure me when I have told him how unhappy it makes me and how I have to "go through the motions" just so he'll leave me be for a few days.

just saying hello to Shadow and welcome

love your stats.. so nice to have culturally competent people in the field and people open to change among themselves as well as for others.

i'm not married. never been in a romantic relationship so don't really thin k that I can add much tothe conversation

Thank you for the warm welcome BW. And just so you know, I think that everyone has insight...whether they have experience in the topic presented or not...don't sell yourself short.