I hear you Draggers.

Yes maybe the rolling threads contribute.
But not too much is my guess since most of the
posts there too are by a small group.

It is sort of a mystery considering this
forum is right at the top of Google. More
than Psych Central, yet PC is so active.

Thanks for your thoughts,,,,and also for
relating to me.

I'm one of the newer participants, I think, so I'm forcing myself to be brave and weigh in. For me, I've never participated in an online forum before, so this is all new to me. Further, I am a "watcher" and am very insecure in what I think I have to offer to the dialog. And I'm still trying to learn how to express what I need to my T. I attempt to do so on the forum periodically, but it's really hard. I really appreciate all that I glean from here. This forum has helped me gain some major insight into my own therapeutic story. Thank you, all!

Hi Outsider,

You are not a newbie anymore silly, you
fit right in and seem to post alot. I think
we've chatted a few times too.

Hope you get brave enough to post
when you want to instead of when
you feel securw to post!

quote:

I hope i am not stepping out of line for saying this.but i do wonder if the roll on threads have killed the posting and whilst it seems safer to post on them if you are too shy to start a post, it leads to less support to the poster and i worry that some people get over looked because they have posted on there

Hi draggers ...you have not said anything out of line and I totally agree with you. I, personally, do not like those threads because so much of value and potential content gets lost there. I hold back from responding there because there is no continuity of discussion and I feel that those who really need/want support would get much more from starting a thread of their own which allows those of us who want to respond to have a clear place for that response. I know some people are fearful and anxious to start a new thread of their own but it really is the best way to share and also to get support.

xoxo... thanks for posting and I have also wondered the same thing. I have not been posting much lately for a few reasons. One is that I have some huge upheavals going on at work that leave me dead exhausted at night and during the day I don't have a spare moment to post. The exhaustion is making it difficult for me to concentrate.

Aside from this, therapy has been really bumpy lately and I seem to have lost my words because of this. I have been feeling very sad and depressed to the point that I am isolating more than usual. I guess I am also missing the "old" crew who used to be here and who knew my story and could relate and understand where I was coming from. I know that is selfish but there it is.

As for the newbies...I do wish they could share more and not be anxious about posting to threads in response to others asking for support. Even if they think they don't have tons of knowledge in the area... each response is important and offers hope and supports the original poster. We are all stronger in a larger group.

Hope you are doing okay xoxo.

TN

Just to offer an alternate point of view, sometimes I would prefer to post in a rolling thread, because posting your own thread and getting no replies, or maybe just one, can feel very vulnerable. If I feel that way after all my time here, I bet it is much more intimidating for someone new. Seeing zero replies and especially with the read count going up can be really scary (I often wish there was no read count visible). If no one replies or maybe just one or two people when you see other threads getting many replies, it can start to feel like, "Gee, I guess no one can relate to this," and that can be very isolating. Not saying anyone does anything wrong and I know some posts just go unnoticed or someone might not have much to say. Just saying I understand why someone might not want to risk it, as I often delete posts for the same reasons. And, it's not just my own posts. When I see other people have threads that have zero or just a couple replies (and sometimes, if I am triggered about posting, I am also not replying), it also makes me anxious to start new threads.

For some reason, posting in the check-in thread, I don't feel as "out there" even if no one replies to my individual post. Sometimes, I still feel too exposed, but for different reasons. It's not the same as seeing a thread drift down the list without response. Ugh, I feel a lot of self-loathing even saying this stuff, like I'm begging for replies to my threads, but I'm not. I'm just identifying how others might feel, because I've been here a long time, participated a lot and *I* sometimes feel this way. It can be really hard not to project people can't relate, don't like you, are sick of you, etc. It's much easier sharing a small amount in a very active thread than putting yourself way out there with your own thread and hoping others can identify with it enough to reply...

Drags and TN and the rest of the gang, It's because of the warmness that you all exude that keeps me coming back. I am attached to all of you, and I extend a SUPER warm welcome for all newbies to jump right in there with some of us who have been around a while because no matter what we are in a constant learning environment. We learn from one another...and also feel the support of having another person in the world tell us that they've been there, or that they are just hearing what we are saying.

Hello from someone who is fairly new and been a bit (well, a lot) quiet recently. Good question to ask and hope all reading will realise how personal and individual this response is and very much to do with my stuff...

I find it hard to join in with stuff where there is an already established group and there's lots of well established and close relationships that are very evident. For some people that might be an encouragement to take part, but I find it hard.
Also, some of my "issues" (for want of a better word) seem to be fairly unusual in this context and I find I'm easily triggered by the most innocuous comments. Also, I'm ridiculously sensitive to feeling that someone has misunderstood me or doesn't get how I feel or dismisses my concerns or tries to fix things when I just want to be heard (I suspect that is universal.....)
There's also the usual feeling that I have little to add... Which part of me thinks is true and part thinks is just an excuse not to be vulnerable...

The question has made me wonder if I could take a few more risks - I guess I've been taking lots of risks in therapy and it's hard to take risks in lots of places at once...

So that's my explanation for being quiet... But will try harder. I do think there are some very supportive and wise people who contribute generously here.

I'll be back.... maybe....

Iris x

Iris - First, hi! Not sure if we've talked much yet, because I disappeared and then changed my name and have been quite skittish in recent months.

Thanks so much for sharing. I feel a lot of those same ways you do, even being part, I guess, of the established group. I still often worry about being on the outside. My own contributions also often feel lacking, though you wouldn't know from my prolific posting history.

I think all of what you said makes a lot of sense and I especially relate to it being so much work to take risks in multiple places at once. There have been times I have had to just disappear for a bit or drastically reduce my participation, because I couldn't handle being vulnerable in therapy and elsewhere at the same time.

I do appreciate you putting yourself out there for this topic and hope you are able to participate more AND feel safe about doing so, without any pressure there. Just your post here shows that you have valuable contributions to offer.

-Non a.k.a. mousey ( lovely Draggers)

Hello all,

A really good thread and interesting responses. I for one find it really hard to start a thread of my own; have been in this forum for a few yaers and I think have only started 5 or 6 threads in that time; sort of have the feeling that my stuff might not be interesting, relevant or as bad as what others are going through. I know, I know all the sensible responses to that statement, but that's how I feel, so I imagine others feel the same. I guess it's like opening up to our Ts though, every time I've faced really tough stuff I've been amazed at her response...and here too, when I have started a thread the response is always warm amd helpful.

So I guess like mousey I rely a bit on the rolling posters, to give me a voice

It's always lovely to see new posters here, to learn new experiences and ways of working through stuff and meet more amazing people in the process. Keep being brave newbies, it's always good to see posting.

starfishy

OMG Drags, you are so awesome! "Walking Wikipedias!"

Fantastic depiction of the brilliant minds we have in and around these forums.

I like that we are discussing how everyone feels about posting. I think it's healthy for all of us to explore what makes us feel comfortable/uncomfortable about posting, and then we can work towards creating a more solidified community of support.

I am wondering if we created an autobiography thread where everyone could write a synopsis of their therapeutic/life journey's thus far...maybe it would allow the newbies to feel comfortable getting to know where we've all been and they could post, too, and allow us to get to know their stories. I think it can sometimes be overwhelming to see all of these names and trying to remember the stories..it's hard sometimes. BUT, a thread like that might make it easy to refer to.. like hmm, Brokes has been terminated and is now going through getting over it and finding trust with a new T. Someone new might be able to identify with my story and feel comfortable asking some advice. Same for all the rest of you. Some new soul could relate to your story and it would definitely allow for a greater sense of who everyone is...

I don't know. Just an idea! What do you think?

I feel better about posting already...
I'm glad some people understand where I'm coming from, though.
Anon, it probably demonstrates that I've been reading so long that I do feel I know you a litte...but thank you so much for saying you get what I said.
And Draggers... I hope you know how much it's meant to me that you've taken the time to get to know me a little. Thank you.
Sometimes we need reminding that reaching out to other people can help us feel part of the world and can help the person who responds as well as the person seeking support.

Hi all
I could have written exactly what Iris wrote...
I also worry about what or how much to say...I don't want to trigger anyone with any of my stuff. I want to post more but feel vulnerable doing so. That being said, when I have posted, I've received so much support and understanding, which I truly appreciate. I do like the idea of starting a thread that might give us newbies a chance to tell a bit more about who we are and to learn more about who the more established members as well. I'm going to try harder to put myself out there....
Peace...
LK
,

LK,
Don't worry too much about triggering and let it prevent you from expressing how you feel. You can always put a trigger warning up first if you are not sure, and the Moderator of that section can always help out if they think others might have inadvertently triggered. We are all so different and all get triggered by different things; I am surprisingly ok with hearing other peoples' stuff ( often sad, but ok and grounded) with things that would have certainly triggered badly if they were about me. Does that ring true for others? Also I find the written word less triggering than the spoken word or visual image.

I guess LK what I am saying is don't be put off telling your story, we are here to share and try to support. I am glad that this particular thread has made you feel braver

starfishy

LK - I agree with starfishy on triggering. I am usually OK reading other peoples' stuff as well. When I am triggered, it is often about my own replies or my own vulnerability or things I think about myself. I often feel very deep connection or sadness (or joy, in case of good things) for others here, but even when something resonates heavily with my own experience, I don't often get triggered badly by it. My experience has been more like my own posts trigger me into feelings about myself and projections that others feel the same. If I'm in that place, the likelihood is that I just can't reply, even if I really want to. Anyway, I think trigger warnings for tough stuff are sufficient. But, also, if something doesn't feel safe to share, I wouldn't push yourself to do so! I hope we hear from you more as well.

Iris - It's kind of scary, but good scary, to hear you say you feel like you know me a bit. Being seen is hard sometimes, but it is starting to feel safer.

Draggers - Awww, thanks for thinking I contribute. I know it is my own stuff, but it's so hard to imagine that others see me differently than I see myself. (((hugs)))

Unbroken - Definitely a good idea. Petrifying, lol, but good!!! There are times I remember part of a person's story, but not the whole thing, or am like 99% sure I remember, but then get paranoid I'm completely off base. Just for my own story, I'd need a third party editor, lol, because I tend to be wordy and sometimes maybe too vulnerable and then freak out.

starfishy - wherever you contribute, on others' threads or on the rolling ones, I always find it to be EXTREMELY valuable. You come across as very wise and caring and I thought it was important for me to say, because it is so much appreciated on my end.

Sorry,Anon... Didn't mean it to sound scary. I guess I meant that I'd found myself able to relate to stuff you shared and was interested in following your story... Any less scary?!

No, no, no, GOOD scary. Not like you said something that was scary. Ahhh, sorry!!! Like realizing somebody sees you when you thought you were invisible, which can be startling and good at the same time...does that make sense??? I get the same feeling with my T and he is just about my favorite person in the world.

Ok.. Will stop apologising!!
You see, it's a minefield this communication without body language and tone of voice to help make things clearer! No wonder we don't feel comfortable posting!!!

Actually... having a bit of a conversation is nice - bit less like posting in a vacuum.

((hugs everyone))

This is a good thread. I have been a little sad about the slower posting pace around here and am glad to see people caring about it and discussing it as well. I know for my own part, I sometimes feel that it is a tad presumptuous to start a new thread. . . like I'm assuming that writing about myself and my perspectives and T experiences is at all interesting to anyone, lol. I often post anyway because interacting on this forum helps me so much, but there are many times I've held back as well.

I also think an autobiography thread could be awesome. Sometimes I confuse or forget people's stories so it could be helpful to refer to. Also would be a great way to get to know newer members!

So, should we all start penning our memoirs in a new thread somewhere?

Glad the idea was well received. Woo!

Hi All. So glad to see this topic, the forum has become so very quiet and we've lost some incredible people!

I'm not much of a poster and usually stick to one or two threads but I do read and if I have anything of relevance to add, will!

Sometimes you see that there are many on line but not talking and I often wonder if the talking is happening via PMs - just a thought!! Sometimes it seems apparent to me when snippets conversations spill into the OF. If needs are being met elsewhere there's no need to go on the open forum - again just a thought!

Thanks xoxo for the thread!

PS: I hope I haven't upset anyone - PMs are so totally appropriate at times!!
s

I'm a newbie! And I was feeling like I was posting too much lol. I really really enjoy this website and the responses I have gotten so far have been so helpful. I already feel less "alone" in this whole complicated and painful process.

As I was reading the responses to this posting, some people said they were sad that the people who new their story had left. How do I get my story out to build some closer member relationships? Do I just post it?

I agree with Draggers that at one time or another I have felt every fear that everyone wrote about feeling when it comes to posting. The good news is it does get easier. It did for me. I hope everyone starts posting more.

I'm still around, but not posting much as going through a bit of a memory-recovery phase and it's triggering and terrifying and I get so overwhelmed I shut down a lot.

I try to leave support for others from time to time, but even that can feel scary 'cos I worry I'm not doing it right/enough.

Still reading regularly, though, and finding other people's experiences and advice and thoughts really helpful. Will try to post more often as well.

to all

landa

I’m certainly one who’s guilty of not posting much, even though I do read threads. It is really hard for me to get up the nerve to post. So many times I’ll have a response typed up and then talk myself out of hitting the post button. I worry that I don’t have anything useful to say, or, even worse, that what I have to say could be harmful. Being invisible is far safer. This thread is inspiring me to be braver, though.

I think an autobiography thread would be great. Or even a sub-forum with bio threads for whoever wants them, because one large thread might get unwieldy.

Yup, me too! Guilty as charged. I know I havent
posted much on here recently; partly due to some
personal circumstances but also as one poster
said through some fear that no-one would respond
to a new thread or my reply causes more harm
than good.

Interesting thread though and it shows how we
all have to contribute to keep this wonderful
place alive and prospering.

AV

Sorry, ill have to wait until im feeling
better to respond appropriately.

I feel I can offer a bit of support sometimes. Sometimes I learn so much and find this as a place where people can relate and I can relate to them. I am in awe of how many can function "from my view" in jobs/life and such. I feel like this is where "I live" to a great extent...it's hard to be vulnerable as many have pointed out and worry that there will be no replies. I have checked out a few other forums but never posted on those as I find the support here like no other forum just by reading. I seem to always be the worrier that my T wants me to go away and I find that is all I tend to post about and obsess on that mainly. Too many of my stories would be too identifiable as I always mention to those in my personal life "a forum" that I go on...I talk too much for my own good. I fear that I'm impulsive so my posts come out very reactive. Really though...when I truly needed support back in March was when I truly got it I could not have moved forward without it at that time. So much encouragement here that combats my irrational side. So, anyways I hope everyone will keep this place going IMO it is really a great place!

(((xoxo))) Just wanted to say I heard you and always value your contributions, especially the resources you post.

You reminded me of another reason I get quiet sometimes. I sometimes feel incompetent to participate in the intellectual discussions, because despite all my success in school, I always have this "you're wrong and everyone knows it and they're going to tell you you're wrong" thing going on in my head, so I tend to be quiet when I'm afraid I might not understand stuff. I especially get triggered by being misunderstood too. Something to do with my dad playing devil's advocate games where no matter what opinion I gave, he would disprove it. So, sometimes I'd love to get more into the psychology stuff, but some of you are so educated and my knowledge is mostly instinctive interpretation of my own stuff and reading articles here and there, not rigorous study or whole books like others. I guess, I feel incompetent on the regular, lol.

I think all online forums tend to sometimes go through waves and lulls. Currently I think I post less than in the past because after we got a chat room, more of my conversations have taken place there and on other mediums. Although the forum may be less active when people are communicating in other ways, I do think it's a sign of the forum's health if people are developing relationships that spill out into other forms of communication. I'm curious what other people think, though.

I read that there was mention here of having an autobiography thread or forum... well we already have an "Introduction" forum and there is a "sticky" thread that is entitled "Welcome".

I think this would be the best and most appropriate place for those who wish to do so to share a bit of their story and background. It helps when there are a lot of members for some of us to check to be sure we are giving advice to the right person with the history we are thinking of.

TN

Guilty.

Hi Smiley...

It's nice to see you. I hope you are doing okay.

TN

thanks tn - but not really

(((((smiley)))))

Smiley... I hope you know how much we all care about you and value you here. I hope you will take a chance and try to talk to us about what is weighing on you. Sometimes that helps. Just know we are here and we care.

TN

I'm new too and definitely reading more then I'm posting. Some of it is just having a limited attention span - I literally dissociate more then half the time when I read through even a single post - let alone a thread lol. For those of us new-ish to therapy, I think a lot of content is triggering (for me - resulting in dissociation and moving away from the board)...there's a lot we don't understand...and there are our own inherent limitations (ie we're here for a reason and those reasons often include a lot of trauma induced self-doubt, difficulty with relationships, difficulty knowing our needs and expressing them, etc). None of that is a function of the board or the people on it - people are supportive and open to including newbies it seems. Long way of saying, it's not you - it's me!

Oh and I should also say I'm deathly afraid of my t coming across a storyline and recognizing me in it. Way too early in the treatment of shame to be at all ok with her knowing I care this much...

I am so pleased with all the responses here, and this thread is
now waaaaaaayyyyy over my head in terms of organizing or
formulating a set of coherent responses....

but i do want to say that this thread has turned out to be
very helpful, especially with identifying our collective needs that
will help bring us together and promote support. Hopefully more will
participate and stick around as a result.

No guilt, no judgement....no one is ever required to post. Or respond.
Yes, pay it forward-but only when you can and if you can.

And we all seem to have a variety of ways or preferences to both support
and feel supported. And the more diverse the group, the more likely people
will feel supported. Admittedly, I was feeling really alone when I started
this thread. But just seeing everyone feeling comfortable getting all this
out in the open and being comfortanle expressing their needs and
stories really made me smile.

Thanks for all your contributions here and hopefully we will all cross
paths with one another sooner than later. It's all good.

I think that this thread shows so much growth in all of us (our therapists would be PROUD ) as we become more aware of one another and grow together towards a more solidified support system of understanding one another's fears, hesitations and needs.

We all have individual strengths that we bring to the table, and I for one am SO honored that I get to be a part of this place with ALL of you wonderful, intelligent, and lovingly supportive people. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to those who've been around welcoming me to express myself, those who've read my story and might have gleaned some information from some insight discovering, those who send waves/hugs or cheer me on, and those of you who I've yet to meet and experience. (I've struggled up and down with two therapists. I've felt rock bottom at times..and when I need a safe place to land, this is it.) You all have been my safe place to land.

I love you all.

I post all the time and I often feel I don't belong too.

Communities ebb and flow.

I've always, and still continue to fell scared by the number of online users and the lack of posting - or the registered names below I see all the time but never see a post. That's from a place of my own sense of vulnerability but it does go both ways.

I get attached to the stories (lives/therapy) of people on here new and old.

I like the group threads to know what everyone is up to. We're a skittish bunch a large number of regulars delete their posts, leave their threads with an "." as the topic and delete their original message, erase what they've said (been there lots) - I've even seen it on this thread.

Everyone is vulnerable and I owe a ton to this community. I think a lot of people found this site all searching for the similar therapeutic issues (attachment, transference and touch come to mind) so that might have something to do with the posting too. This forum doesn't usually pop up on the front page searching mental health support or other specific words related to therapy modalities (except a few), specific traumas, diagnosis, etc. In some ways I think we attract a very specific type of person or a specific type of need a person has (I know for me this is true - I go to a variety of other forums for my other needs).

I think and hope we'll continue to grow. Sorry you were feeling lonely, xoxo and I do think it's good to talk about.