Hi HO,

I am new here so nice to meet you.

I can understand why your friend getting an appointment would bring up strong feelings for you - I think we all like to be the sole focus of out T/P's attention especially if their are attachment issues involved.

I don't think it would seem needy if you were you were to call and enquire if an appointment had become available. A gentle reminder for your P that you are waiting. I have been there and know how hard it is waiting not knowing and getting my hopes up.

I hope you are able to get an appointment this week.

Butterfly

Holding on -
I really think your feelings are really valid. I think I would be feeling very much the same if my T did the same... and hearing from a friend who is also a client of his, that is getting different treatment...yeah, that's hard. I remember once a friend telling me about a leader of a group therapy matter that the t was spending extra time and effort with one client and she was wondering what the heck? what about me? she had simillar feelings - even though she knew that maybe the other client just had greater needs she wasn't aware of or something... and yet all the same, it hurts! I'm so sorry he hasn;t found a way to fit you in. And having him being gone and then now having to skip such a long period of time - ugh. My heart goes out to you.

Maybe he doesn't quite know how important it is to you? Have you tried maybe calling and sharing with him how you feel? Maybe he can connect up with you on the phone or bump you up on the waiting list... and even if not, I think it would be really good to talk to him about how you felt about this the next time you see him, especially if it still bugs you - you could even just say hey, it was hard to have such a long distance between appointments - next time if you are gone when I usually would have had an appointment, can we schedule one for as soon as you get back?

I dunno. I don't really have much great feedback. hang in there - hopefully he'll call and you will be able to get in.

p.s.
btw, don't feel bad at all that your first post in a long time is to ask for support. That is very ok! (imho) Sometimes, we help others a lot just by sharing our own battles. I don't think there should be any need to worry. It's ok to ask for support, period. No conditions on it. It's ok. (and you never know who you might help by just sharing your battle and allowing someone to feel a little less alone in their battle that is simillar to yours.)

Hi there Holding On- welcome back again!

oh, gosh so understandable that such feelings came up when your friend was offered that time, that you so much wantet and needed. That would hit me hard as well...

I "sense" two things in your post: You dont wanna act too needy or attached, and you`re propably very scared that your T would dissapoint you if he cant offer you the session. Very understandable, but i think you can let yourself drop the "mask" and just allow yourself to express that need. Appt are suppose to mean allot to us patients, and its only a good sign that you`ve attached to it. The other thing i wanted to remark is your feeling of "having no good reason" as you wrote. Yes, you DO HAVE GOOD REASONS! I see plenty of reasons that are "good enough" for asking for the appt. FWIW: If i only went to my sessions, when i felt i had reasons "enough" for it, i wouldnt had a single one. You are worthy your T`s time, espescially, i think, when you only see him every other week. I know its hard and perhaps emberassing to call and ask for the appt. but i dont think you have anything to loose on it. The worst thing that can happen is that he cant offer one. that might turn out to be the case, and you will be disapointed (i would for sure) but at least you have tried and in the long run its only good that your T understands how important those sessions are to you. You have to let him know that. For a year i tried to *pretend* i didnt really needed the sessions, (i had once a week back then) and therefor my T also never offered me more time..untill i slowly learned/dared to express my needs and made my T understand how important those session was.(now i have tree sessions pr week) My poin is: I think its great chances that your T would want to offer you more time, when he gets how much it means to you. T`s tend to like to be needed as well. (thats one of the reasons they became T`s)
(ps: This was a bit rambling, just drop it if it doesnt fit your situation at all! bet you know that though.)
Good luck, and i really hope something good will come out of this for you. You deserve that.

Thanks everyone for your responses.

[The other thing i wanted to remark is your feeling of "having no good reason" as you wrote. Yes, you DO HAVE GOOD REASONS! I see plenty of reasons that are "good enough" for asking for the appt. FWIW: If i only went to my sessions, when i felt i had reasons "enough" for it, i wouldnt had a single one. ]

Frog This is a good point. Maybe the best reason I have for needing an appointment is that it will help me feel less anxious, less alone and cared for. I guess that should be enough. Although my P has reassured me before that he will not drop me as a patient, that our therapy will end when I want it to end, I fear that he will think my neediness is unhealthy for me. He'll want me to move my appts further apart so he doesn't feed into my "obsession" with him. I don't know if that makes sense.

I felt the same way in therapy, Holding On. Not wanting to appear "needy", not wanting it to to show how important our meetings (and P) were to me...

But you know, the best conversations we had were the ones when I DID show that. I even came out and said I was afraid of appearing to be too needy or pathetic and that I was afraid he just wanted me to go away, and he said it was absolutely not true and, "Has anyone ever accused you of being a needy person?" And my answer of course was "No. Never." Because actually the opposite is true. I never ask for help. I push people way. I never want anyone to know that I have needs or that I depend on them. Because from my (limited so far!) experience, this only leads to disappointment. AND I think the whole point of therapy for me is learning that this is not true. It IS okay to have needs and to express them, and to need people, and trust people, and "just stop being so damn independent!" (which is what another T said to me of once )

So call and ask for that extra session if you need/want it. The worst that can happen is he'll say he's too busy to fit you in. But at least you asked, and that is progress!

Hello Holdingon welcome back to the forum.

Well had a load of stuff to say to you when I read your post earlier, but the others have said all of what I would have said, and in a much better way too.

So I just wanted to add that although my ‘advice’ would be to phone your T and remind him you are waiting for an appointment this week, I also understand how you’re afraid that he’d see his giving you more appointments as ‘feeding’ an ‘unhealthy’ attachment/dependency and that he’d do the complete opposite by giving you less appointments. (This is something that has come up with my T, the sense that whatever I say I want he refuses, and I experience that as deliberate...)

So although ideally your fears would be unfounded, it’s certainly well worth your while talking with T about this. Do you have a sense that he’d be likely to withdraw, or is that just your own fears? In any event, there can’t be too much harm in checking with him whether you do have an appointment this week. Then you can deal with all the other feelings this whole experience has brought up for you in session itself (I do think how you feel about his offering an appointment to your friend, a seemingly non-urgent situation, and ignoring your request for an appointment is important - for what it’s worth I’d feel exactly as you do - and that’s the sort of stuff that needs to be brought up with T, as well as trying to work out with him how he takes your being attached.)

I hope you don’t have to wait until next week for that appointment. Let us know whether you do get one this week?

LL

I got up the courage to put a call in to my P and leave him a message that I still am interested in any appts that may open up this week.
I think it is MY fear of being rejected rather than his response to my neediness. He has always responded in a kind and caring way to me. I guess that's one of my insecurities--fear of rejection. One of many and my reasons for needing therapy

Thanks for all your encouragement. I feel better just by making the call.

I wanted to write "update" in my topic discussion title but didnt know how. Can anyone tell me for next time?

Heard from my P this morning and he had a late cancellation for today at 2pm. I saw him and had a good session. Talked for most of the time about my attachment and feelings of abandonment when he's not available. As he always has, he was great, told me he wasn't going to terminate me or deny me appts because he felt I was too needy. Although i always feel embarrassed when we talk about this topic (not often) I felt pretty good when I left his office. I don't know why I continue to fear his abandonment when he patiently and consistently reassures me that he will be available as long as I think I need him.
Thanks again to all who supported me in the last couple of days, and for that matter the last year or so.

Hello Holding on,
Good for you for calling your P and getting your appointment! I used to have to deal with this all the time with my T, I was very frustrating, and brought up all those same feelings that you were talking about. Luckily I haven’t had to deal with that in awhile. Welcome back!
Mac

quote:

Heard from my P this morning and he had a late cancellation for today at 2pm. I saw him and had a good session. Talked for most of the time about my attachment and feelings of abandonment when he's not available. As he always has, he was great, told me he wasn't going to terminate me or deny me appts because he felt I was too needy. Although i always feel embarrassed when we talk about this topic (not often) I felt pretty good when I left his office. I don't know why I continue to fear his abandonment when he patiently and consistently reassures me that he will be available as long as I think I need him.
.

Holding On...I am so glad you were able to get in...I just had a hell of a week so far going through these same attachment/connection issues. I feel embarrassed as ever right now over some communications I've had with my T, but as bad as I feel about it and swear it off everytime after I do it, I find that I still can't stop myself when I am in the throws of the incredible BIG MONSTER ANXIETY ATTACK! Although T is very patient and does reassure, T also will not outright say that he won't terminate, always puts it back on me and says...trust yourself...what do you think. This by far is the worst it's been in my whole therapy experience. I'm not quite sure what it is, but it is darn painful isn't it! I am guess they say that nothing good ever really comes easy...so maybe I'm in for something great Take care...Hals

What fantastic news, Holding On! I am really, really, happy for you.