((((( LG )))))

I'm sorry you had what seemed like a pretty disconnected session with your T. Sounds like you are feeling the need to withdraw and close off because of how she responded (or more to the point DIDN'T respond) to your self berating comments. You obviously were needing reassurance both about her view of you and about your having to be a 'good client' in order not to be abandoned by T1 as well. And she didn't pick up on that T's can be very good at that sometimes.

I am hoping that you will get a text back soon from her challenging you about your decision to stop talking about ED issues in therapy with her. I get the impression that you have been pushed into a defensive position and that maybe you don't really want to stop dealing with the ED with T, just that you've had to find a way of reasserting some sense of control in the relationship. So I hope you can sort out the underlying issue of feeling rejected, abandoned and not 'good enough' for her soon.

I'm so sorry that you are now feeling so alone, but from what you've said of T1 I have faith that she will be caring and concerned about what's going on for you. Hope she replies very soon!

LL

Did you hear back from her at all? Do you get to see/speak to her tomorrow?

I hope you've been doing ok over the weekend.

LL

((((LL)))),

Thank you for the replies. I just now saw that you replied a second time to this thread.

I did get texts back from T this weekend, but she was not giving me what I needed which was reassurance that I am not a failure for the times that I slip-up with my ED and make mistakes.

However, we discussed this in therapy today and I said that I need more reassurance and I need to hear her say that I'm not a failure. She said that she will try to do that in the future adn that she definitely doesn't think I'm a failure, that she knows how hard it is to deal with an ED. She encouraged me to please continue talking wiht her about my ED. She doesn't want me to shut her out because I am afraid she is going to judge me, etc.

I am still feeling like I need more reassurance though, so I am not sure what it is that I am not hearing from that I need. She tells me that she is proud of me when I am able to resist strong urges to do ED stuff, so I know its not more positive encouragement that I am needing. Its something else and i can't quite put my finger on what it is that I'm not getting.

Perhaps I am projecting my own shame and disappointment when I slip up and resort to my ED. Maybe that is why i am not wnating to share with her.

Also, T2 abandoned me in part because the seriousness of the ED was too much for her to handle. I feel like i need to shield T1 from this so that she doesn't get overwhelmed. I don't want to be too much for her to handle. She assured me today that will never happen but its hard to believe that.

Thank you again for the replies, LL. It really did help to read your first reply this weekend even though I wasn't in a place where I could respond. I truly appreciate the time and thought you put into your reply.

SG,

I have thought about doing this, but the problem is getting another T to see me while I continue to see T1. I have considered the possibility of keeping it on the downlow and not telling T1 or the newT I am seeing the other one though.

But with starting a new job,I am not really even sure I am even going to be able to meet with T1 as often as I would like (which is every day at this point). The idea of cutting back to just 2x a week with T1 is a lot for me to absorb. Not sure how I would even fit in another T.

Thanks for the suggestions though, SG. ((((SG))))

Hey there LG, glad you are feeling a bit better and clearer about things.

I’m also very glad you were able to talk about this with T, though I’m sorry you’re left feeling like there’s something you’re still needing and not getting. Perhaps it’s a matter of the classic ‘rinse and repeat’ scenario and eventually over time your T will be able to prove to you that she really can take your ED issues and won’t abandon you like T2.

Cutting back from seeing T every day to twice a week is a BIG change. I’d be wary of making too many changes at this point (as in, looking for a second T to deal with the ED). As it is, starting your new job is going to be really stressful (despite its being a really positive thing, it’s still a big change too) and just having switched to Skype and the fallout from that must also be adding to the pressure you’re feeling. Well that’s me stating the obvious, sorry.

I’m just so pleased you have managed to pull yourself out of the black place you were in, and are continuing to get some of your needs across to T.


(((((( LG )))))

LL

((((LL))))

Thank you and I totally agree, too much changes in my therapy when I am having such big changes in my life is not a good thing. I'm going to talk to T today about my new work schedule and see if she will be able to do therapy with me in the mornings before I go to work. I don't have to leave my house until 9:30 to get to work and she's an hour ahead,so I'm hoping that she will be able to create a morning slot for me a few days a week.

Hey, LG- the good thing about Skype is that you can be more flexible with times to meet...I hope your T will be able to arrange a time that owrks for you! It makes sense to stick with the program for now, until you feel ready to cut back on your sessions.

Hugs,

BB

Hey BB,

Unfortunately we are already running into trouble with Skype scheduling since she cannot skype when her son is home from daycare (because he would be too demanding of her attention). So yesterday we were supposed to skype at 445 my time which is 545 her time and her son would have been home, so she arranged a play date for him but it fell through at the last minute so we had to do a phone session.

Then tomorrow we cannot skype because she is packed so full in her schedule that she doesn't have time to run home and skype wiht me unless its a very short skype session, because she would have to leave her office, drive home, then drive back to the office and have the entire session with me all within one hour. So we will do phone tomorrow as well. Just when I was starting to like skype! lol, oh well ...that's the way it works.