I feel this survival mode more intensely now. Everyone at work is in it too. I 'see' behaviors in the staff like mine; my need to be perceived as a good person, and not show what threatens me the most, my anger.

These feelings of surviving today coincide with my feelings in therapy when minds eye has me in a dark, rock_ like wet cave/tunnel. I can see light but I seem to be only crawling towards it. The light confuses me. I know it is good, but I fear the unknown. At this stage there is a certain amount of wonderment in staring at it. 'G' forces hold me down preventing much movement. Fear of none existence if I dare express my true emotion of anger for ending up having to survive emotionally alone as a child and an adult?

I will put myself in that tunnel during the next hypno, and feel how angry I am to get into that light. I wont/cant turn back.