My T will offer up her own similar stories if there are any. She did with dating and that was so kind of her.

I think sometimes she will give advice but it's usually about logistical stuff - problem solving with me. Not in any sort of commanding way. She's big on options. T2 will dispense more of her opinions and I really have little issue doing whatever I want anyways and she's always nonjudgmental.

My P will give me recommendations, her experience (with other patients) regarding Meds or med suggestions but always says it's my body and supports choice and that is above all important to me.

It can be frustrating when Ts are helping facilitate our own process while they are removed. Sometimes I will tell my T "I just want you to tell me what to do!!" And she smiles and I sigh knowing that that's not going to happen.



I feel your frustration.

I have a bit of a problem at the moment with my T actually "giving" too much advice about a situation. Because I was never given the chance to make my own decisions in life due to the familial abuse I suffered as a child, I find it very difficult to NOT get wrapped up in someone else's opinion; or differentiate that opinion from my own. It gets frustrating.

I have been in a situation where T is non-judgmental and will not say one way or the other what I should do, but more recently as situation has occurred between us where I am feeling more and more led by her to feel/think in a certain way(remind you that this could be transference talking ) But, I have heard implicit statements like "you should," or "that's the right thing." Unfortunately it involved my feelings about someone else, that she ALSO knows.

This past weekend things finally came to a head when I realized that her opinion over a situation was seeping into my own psyche. I separated myself, spent a WHOLE day alone trying to get in touch with my inner voice, and FINALLY made the decision to proceed; which by the way was going against what T thought I SHOULD do. It FELT amazing. It still feels amazing, and I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY did something that I wanted. For me. It might be a mistake in her eyes, but it was the right decision for me at the time. IT'S my LIFE!

It's very natural to want them to relate, and it's very natural to want some advice. I have also been in that place where I am trying to make a life decision, especially one that involves my career and she WONT steer me one way or the other. It's good. It's a boundary that is necessary because those decisions that were robbed of many of us in our pasts are what we are now being allowed to make. We just have someone guiding us along the way. It's like they are riding shotgun; YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE STEERING WHEEL IN YOUR HANDS.

Advice from my T tends to be very nuanced. I struggle terribly with ambivalence in nearly all areas of my life, so figuring out how to respond to certain situations can be challenging. What my T tries to do is empower me to get in touch with my feelings and make my own decisions. He'll sometimes give me practical suggestions for how to manage my emotional intensity or how to communicate better, but on the big life choices (career, relationships, etc.) he's pretty quiet. It's clear that he has a lot of confidence in my ability to choose well, which...kudos to him. I wish I felt that way, sometimes!

Jung, I'm so glad you chose what was best for you, even though it was against your T's advice. That's some real chutzpa!

Catalyst, my T offers up similar stories as well if it's related to something I'm going through - she's very big on making sure I don't feel alone in my struggles, which is nice. Sometimes it makes me feel as if she's invalidating my feelings, though, but I know she doesn't mean it in that regard. However, that's only if it involves a situation I'm in. If I'm having problems with a choice I have to make, she switches modes and tries to be completely impartial. She wants me to make decisions for myself, which I don't have a problem with but I'd like to have at least a little professional input, especially if making the wrong decision may effect my mental health.

I despise it when they try to give advice. I usually ask the first one I see not to talk at all. Her talking is not useful. The second used to be more silent, but has started talking more so I suppose I will have to ask her to stop talking soon.

LR,
My T very rarely offers an opinion about what I should do. Once I decide I want to do something he will help me figure out how to do it (he is most forthcoming when it comes to how to handle situations with my children) but I'm here to tell you that he drove me absolutely bonkers in the beginning of our work together because he gave me NO clue as to how he felt about what I did or didn't do, nor would he tell me what to do (which I desperately wanted him to do). I want to be clear that he was very emotionally accessible in that I was able to express all my feelings and he was very accepting and normalizing. There was nothing cold about it. But man, he would NOT budge, even when I told him it made me want to throw things at him!

Turned out that it was critical to my healing (I hate how right he can be. )

I spent my childhood focused on other people's needs in an attempt to stay safe. So much so that I couldn't even recognize my own needs, let alone express them or act to get them met. Seriously, the first time my T asked me what I wanted? I started hyperventilating and the blood drained from my face (he described it to me later). So it was very important to me that I had a space in which I was free to figure out how I felt and what I wanted to do without having to please someone else.

It would have been easy (and probably a lot more comfortable for both of us!) if my T just told me what to do. But ignoring your own needs for someone else isn't a good way to live, even if you're getting healthy input from a good person (and let's face it, its easy to find someone who will advise you.) And the truth is, I didn't want advice, I wanted him to tell me what HE wanted me to do, so I could keep him happy and the relationship would be intact. So what he taught me over a great deal of time, by his steady refusal to tell me what he thought, was to let me know I was safe and accepted no matter what I decided to do, and that it was ok to just consider my needs and make decisions based on them. He explicitly told me that while me might not approve of something I did (he gave the extreme example of getting drunk and crashing into a light pole ), nothing I could do would affect the relationship.

His not weighing in is what created a space for me to explore and learn who I was. So I totally empathize with just how frustrating it can be, but in some cases, like mine, it can be good therapeutic practice. Not sure if this would apply to you, but wanted to offer the perspective.


AG

quote:

It's like she is a little to "clinical" at times.

One more thing. Having a T being clinical can be very painful. But if they don't maintain a certain level of detachment, therapy goes terribly wrong. I would talk to her about your feelings surrounding this. Therapy is unique opportunity to be able to speak frankly about what is going on in the relationship with the other person consciously trying not to make it about them or their feelings.

Hi Everyone,

I want to thank you all for your input. Your willingness to share your experiences and opinions with me is a wonderful asset and helps me to more forward in my therapy. After two years my T and I are starting to look more closely at the root causes of my CPTSD and just what is was like for me growing up with an alcoholic, emotionally abusive father.

I think for the next few sessions I'm going to focus more on her statements to better access the level of support I feel I'm getting. And then bring it to her attention if I feel it's still warranted.

LongRoad