((((kashley))))
it's ok to be vague - glad you posted. hang in there.

I can relate. I got stuck in that place for a few weeks recently. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Kashley... you've been missed. I'm sorry you are feeling unsafe. Can you call your T? Can you call a friend?

Please let us help support you. We are here when you can find more words to tell us what is happening with you.

TN

Kashley,
So sorry you are struggling. It can seem so impossible to find the words sometimes. There are people here to listen when you are ready. Can you just start with one small part of it?
Thinking of you,
seablue

Thank you all. I am so tired of being numb and unable to connect to anything or anyone, let alone my T. I just can't *feel* the connection that I so desperately want and need to feel. But I'm too afraid of needing my T -and having her know- that I can't say anything. I think I'm just broken.

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I feel so much hatred for myself lately...I can't believe I've written all of this.

((((K))))) Thinking of you

(((Kashley)))))

Sorry to hear you are in a tough spot right now. Self-hatred is such an overwhelming and all-consuming emotion. I do hope that you are able to find that connection with your T that are so desperately wishing for.

((Kashley - I'm sorry)) I hope today brings a little more light your way.

Smiley

quote:

But I'm too afraid of needing my T -and having her know- that I can't say anything.

I was just thinking the same thing today... I used to think it 24-7. Now, it only comes up every now and then. I used to believe it would NEVER ever possibly get any better, and then it did... I believe that in time it will for you too. I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I'm glad you have been writing and I can really relate...
~jane

Hi Kashley,

How awful you are feeling so numb and disconnected. That is truly an awful place to be, just to have- nothing, no emotions, no care, interest- do you feel empty? Lost? Sometimes it helps a tiny bit, to just try, put a word or two to what you are (or aren't as the case may be) -feeling. Numb is a good one, and disconnected. Are there other words that can describe that lost place, I wonder? Even, just one or two...

Just wanted to reach out and touch you, as your sad post touched me..

Love,

BB

Still thinking of you, Kashley, and ready to hear more if you decide you want to share.

Thanks for listening, even if it's only a few words at a time. It still means a lot. Mostly, the numbness is unbearable at times. And I've had urges to SI again, and I really can't do that, if not for me, I can't because of a contract I have with my T about it. But when I'm numb, my game face for the rest of the world is so automatic that I can't turn it off, even when I'm with my T.

I'm sorry..for some reason it just feels really exhausting to write much more about this right now.