Hrm, I tried to apply this to my own experience and I guess it comes down to that I don't feel like my T is judgmental, but that does not mean he doesn't have opinions. I guess for me it boils down to feeling like T accepts me, cares for me, how I am, regardless of his opinions about my choices and behaviors. He is merciful to my mistakes. He doesn't tell me how I should or shouldn't be, where I should or shouldn't be, doesn't treat me any differently based on my conforming (or not) to his opinions. He just works with what is and encourages me to explore and grow from there.

So, yes, to a certain extent, everyone has opinions about others, their behaviors, etc. They make judgments about whether or not they would do, say, think, feel the same things in the same situations. But someone can fail to relate personally to another's point of view, while still remaining empathetic, accepting the other person, without enforcing their own beliefs. I have family members whose way of life is so foreign to me that I struggle to understand it, and there are times I DO get judgmental, but most of the time, I love and accept those people based on who they are.

I don't know. I think therapists will often keep an opinion to themselves, but I've never caught my T being judgmental toward me that I can remember. From his perspective, I guess it's a leave it up to God thing and God's judgment is full of mercy and grace. More and more, as I discover that I'm not being judged harshly with him, I feel safer to have opinions, even expressing disagreements (OK, that is still a work in progress). That's a first time thing for me. When he would express strong opinions, I would be very scared and perceive him as judgmental. From my history, it took me a while to realize that someone could let you disagree with them without invalidating you or your right to express them. It's a very painful aspect of my past, so I am acutely aware of any hint of judgment (even sometimes when it's not there).

I don't know. I feel like I didn't make much sense...

Hi Bluesky,

I agree that everyone judges, but that doesn't have to equate to being a judgemental person. Sort of like-- everyone has fears, but not everyone is most accurately described as fearful. I think using an adjective like that for a person or therapy implies that the activity behind it plays a primary function in how the person relates or the therapy operates.

My T has frequently declared that she is "not judgemental", lol, yet I have known her to issue judgements from time to time. However, I'd have to agree with her self assessment-- she doesn't appear to approach me or ideas or whatever with passing judgement as a primary intention. Instead she seems largely to seek to understand, accept, help, and heal. I think it's when judging gets in the way of those other things that it becomes a problem and means a person is judgemental.

Anonymously, thank you, your post does make sense. I think you've given me some things to think about.

thank you Heldincompassion for your response.

Reading both your replies has helped me keep in mind that being judgemental and making judgements are slightly different.

bluesky, my T and I had this discussion recently. I was telling her something I thought most people would think badly of and I thought she would also. She told me that T's are trained to have a filter and that she is generally looking for things beyond the obvious. She knows more about me than anybody in my life and she keeps letting me come back, lol.

I think once you form an attachment with a T, this issue sort of dissolves. Don't let this dissuade you from entering therapy, if you feel it would be beneficial. Good luck.