Thank you so much to you all...
I nearly had to cancel my session this week due to things related to my dad's surgery but was able to keep it. I actually had to call my T back and ask for the original session because I'd already rescheduled. Thank goodness I could keep this week's instead of having to wait more than a week, because as soon as I hung up the phone from my T after rescheduling (I couldn't manage to tell her anything - I just pretended it was a 'pesky' scheduling conflict
), I realized I wasn't okay and that I really needed to talk to her about all of this. I didn't mention anything in the second call either, of course, but at least I only have to wait until Friday now instead of next Thursday.
Thank you guys for the support. Even though I objectively know it's okay to feel whatever (or not feel at all), I still feel so incredibly guilty for any feeling I have or any feeling that I don't have. I'm trying not to dwell on it because it will just lead to bad things. Luckily, I have enough to distract myself with that it's been okay.
Anyway, thanks again - hopefully I can work through some of this with T...