I want to echo here, really great job talking to your parents. That must have been a hard conversation to have and to make sure you were understood, so that was really brave, good work!
I also agree with what Monte says about working specifically with the attachment. For me, once that stuff became more obviously focal for both me and T, more really fell into place.
MTF,
Great job in talking with your folks. I know how difficult it can be to discuss your therapy with others...it is such a personal topic.
I agree with Monte about pushing for having these attachment issues addressed in your therapy. It feels so much better to be able to talk about and address the elephant in the room than to push it aside. It is critical to work through the attachment and use it as a positive tool.
Great job in talking with your folks. I know how difficult it can be to discuss your therapy with others...it is such a personal topic.
I agree with Monte about pushing for having these attachment issues addressed in your therapy. It feels so much better to be able to talk about and address the elephant in the room than to push it aside. It is critical to work through the attachment and use it as a positive tool.
Just a quick update.
I saw my T today. She and I were wearing the same colors, black and red. She noticed it right off and pointed it out and said, "And we didn't even call each other."
She asked where I was emotionally and I told her I was in a better place than last session, and where I was when she called me last Monday. I told her about what happened with my parents. I think she was glad to see me standing up for myself and asking for what I need, especially with my parents, as I just don't do that. We talked about the emotional deprivation chapter in the book we're working with and she gave me ideas and stuff on how to work on changing the schema.
I am supposed to journal doing the opposite of what I currently do that keeps me emotionally deprived in my relationships, especially my marriage and family. She wants me to get to where I feel comfortable with asking for what I need, even with her.
I asked her today for weekly sessions. I was expecting some sort of resistance from her about it, but to my surprise she said she thought that would be really helpful with the continuity of therapy for me, since I struggle so much between sessions, and hanging on to the positive stuff. She totally understands where I am at and where my head goes after sessions with her, and it turns out that the reason she hasn't mentioned weekly sessions before was because last year I told her I had to stop coming weekly because I was under the (false) impression that I only had 25 sessions for the year, and I feared that I would run out by the end of August and have to wait until January to start therapy again, and that would have been dreadful!! So there was some miscommunication or misunderstanding, because she thought I was unable to do the weekly sessions due to financial issues, which is partly true, but not really. So I was glad to get that need aired and met so positively. I of course will be on her cancellation list, but I know she'll do her best to get me in. I'm feeling a lot better about things.
I also talked to her about her telling me that she is uncomfortable with my idealization of her. She explained that it's uncomfortable for her to be put on a pedestal sometimes (because she's not perfect and doesn't like the 'pressure' that comes from being imagined as perfect, which I totally get) and then being thrown to the ground and "sliced and diced", as she put it. I have done that to her repeatedly, where I think she's the greatest, then the worst person in my life. She is confused by that, although she understands it comes from my schemas and the abandonment, emotional deprivation, etc. I told her I do that in other relationships, too, not just with her, and I think she knows that. I'm sure it's hard not to take that kind of stuff personally. She said when she's on the pedestal, I'm the one that's on the ground beating myself up, thinking I should be better than I am, etc. And when she's on the ground feeling "sliced and diced", I am the one on the pedestal and she can do nothing right. It's so true, and I'm working on understanding why I do that and where it comes from. She said something that made sense, but I don't remember it now. I'm sure we'll get back to it as we go along.
Anyway, I got some things worked out that I needed to, so I'm feeling LOTS better about things with my T. I'm praying I can hang on to that positive feeling that things are okay. T said she sees that I am making progress with checking things out with her when she says or does something that confuses or hurts me, whereas before I would just stuff it. She is feeling a lot more positive and said she feels like we're in a much better place than we were. I told her that I agree. We are working on moving forward together, with me not putting up a bunch of resistance (which I am expert at doing) and knowing that T is happy to work through issues I have, in session or on the phone. I feel like our relationship has improved in the last week and a half through our phone call last week, and the session today. I feel my sense of trust in my T growing in a positive direction, and feel more solidly like she is really, truly there for me. I think I have really struggled with knowing that because I have some real abandonment fears from my childhood. I am seeing those things more clearly, and understanding my pain and longings and the ups and downs with my T through the lenses of my past experiences and I think things will start moving along better now. I am hopeful, anyway.
Thanks everyone for encouraging me to ask for weekly sessions. I think that in and of itself will be a huge help, although it may initially make things worse. I'm hoping not. I have five months to make real, noticeable progress, so it's time to fasten my seatbelt and hang on for the ride!
MTF
I saw my T today. She and I were wearing the same colors, black and red. She noticed it right off and pointed it out and said, "And we didn't even call each other."
She asked where I was emotionally and I told her I was in a better place than last session, and where I was when she called me last Monday. I told her about what happened with my parents. I think she was glad to see me standing up for myself and asking for what I need, especially with my parents, as I just don't do that. We talked about the emotional deprivation chapter in the book we're working with and she gave me ideas and stuff on how to work on changing the schema.
I am supposed to journal doing the opposite of what I currently do that keeps me emotionally deprived in my relationships, especially my marriage and family. She wants me to get to where I feel comfortable with asking for what I need, even with her.
I asked her today for weekly sessions. I was expecting some sort of resistance from her about it, but to my surprise she said she thought that would be really helpful with the continuity of therapy for me, since I struggle so much between sessions, and hanging on to the positive stuff. She totally understands where I am at and where my head goes after sessions with her, and it turns out that the reason she hasn't mentioned weekly sessions before was because last year I told her I had to stop coming weekly because I was under the (false) impression that I only had 25 sessions for the year, and I feared that I would run out by the end of August and have to wait until January to start therapy again, and that would have been dreadful!! So there was some miscommunication or misunderstanding, because she thought I was unable to do the weekly sessions due to financial issues, which is partly true, but not really. So I was glad to get that need aired and met so positively. I of course will be on her cancellation list, but I know she'll do her best to get me in. I'm feeling a lot better about things.
I also talked to her about her telling me that she is uncomfortable with my idealization of her. She explained that it's uncomfortable for her to be put on a pedestal sometimes (because she's not perfect and doesn't like the 'pressure' that comes from being imagined as perfect, which I totally get) and then being thrown to the ground and "sliced and diced", as she put it. I have done that to her repeatedly, where I think she's the greatest, then the worst person in my life. She is confused by that, although she understands it comes from my schemas and the abandonment, emotional deprivation, etc. I told her I do that in other relationships, too, not just with her, and I think she knows that. I'm sure it's hard not to take that kind of stuff personally. She said when she's on the pedestal, I'm the one that's on the ground beating myself up, thinking I should be better than I am, etc. And when she's on the ground feeling "sliced and diced", I am the one on the pedestal and she can do nothing right. It's so true, and I'm working on understanding why I do that and where it comes from. She said something that made sense, but I don't remember it now. I'm sure we'll get back to it as we go along.
Anyway, I got some things worked out that I needed to, so I'm feeling LOTS better about things with my T. I'm praying I can hang on to that positive feeling that things are okay. T said she sees that I am making progress with checking things out with her when she says or does something that confuses or hurts me, whereas before I would just stuff it. She is feeling a lot more positive and said she feels like we're in a much better place than we were. I told her that I agree. We are working on moving forward together, with me not putting up a bunch of resistance (which I am expert at doing) and knowing that T is happy to work through issues I have, in session or on the phone. I feel like our relationship has improved in the last week and a half through our phone call last week, and the session today. I feel my sense of trust in my T growing in a positive direction, and feel more solidly like she is really, truly there for me. I think I have really struggled with knowing that because I have some real abandonment fears from my childhood. I am seeing those things more clearly, and understanding my pain and longings and the ups and downs with my T through the lenses of my past experiences and I think things will start moving along better now. I am hopeful, anyway.
Thanks everyone for encouraging me to ask for weekly sessions. I think that in and of itself will be a huge help, although it may initially make things worse. I'm hoping not. I have five months to make real, noticeable progress, so it's time to fasten my seatbelt and hang on for the ride!
MTF
YAY again for you MTF - that is great news! And especially great that not only did you get up the courage to ask for weekly sessions, but that you're going to GET them!!!! That's got to help with the continuity and maintaining of the positive stuff - good one!
This all sounds SO positive and hopeful, I am so pleased for you.
LL
This all sounds SO positive and hopeful, I am so pleased for you.
LL
quote:Originally posted by More Than Fine:
...I feel my sense of trust in my T growing in a positive direction, and feel more solidly like she is really, truly there for me. I think I have really struggled with knowing that because I have some real abandonment fears from my childhood. I am seeing those things more clearly, and understanding my pain and longings and the ups and downs with my T through the lenses of my past experiences and I think things will start moving along better now. I am hopeful, anyway.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Your journey and where you are right now is inspiring and so hopeful particularly given how extraordinarily difficult the process is.
MTF,
So happy for you! Wish I had more to say but I'm not feeling particularly verbose tonight. Just wanted to let you know that it all sounds terrific!!!
Liese
So happy for you! Wish I had more to say but I'm not feeling particularly verbose tonight. Just wanted to let you know that it all sounds terrific!!!
Liese
(((MTF))) Glad things are going well and you are going to be getting your weekly sessions (and that the lack of them can be chalked up to a miscommunication). That's great, you were very bracve to ask, and I think the consistency will really help!
MTF...I think it's wonderful that your T agrees to give you weekly sessions. I think this will help with you internalizing her and keep your more steady in between sessions. It seems that you have made good progress in being open and communicating with her. Keep up the great work. I hope this leads to your feeling better about your therapy and your life.
TN
TN
MTF,
You and your T are making such progress together. I'm so glad that you've been able to get to this place with her and that you have asked for what you need. WTG!!
You and your T are making such progress together. I'm so glad that you've been able to get to this place with her and that you have asked for what you need. WTG!!
Hi Monte!
Arg!!! I've just spent half an hour typing a whole page out and then my browser stopped working and the computer restarted the browser on me and I lost everything I had written.
And it's after midnight here, so I am not even going to attempt to start over. My sleep meds are going to kick in any moment now, so I won't make much sense anyway. I will get back to this, though. Thanks for asking about me!!
MTF
Arg!!! I've just spent half an hour typing a whole page out and then my browser stopped working and the computer restarted the browser on me and I lost everything I had written.
And it's after midnight here, so I am not even going to attempt to start over. My sleep meds are going to kick in any moment now, so I won't make much sense anyway. I will get back to this, though. Thanks for asking about me!!
MTF
MTF I totally HATE when that happens 
It sometimes happens to me with my laptop. The damn computer decides to update something and shut down and restart in the middle of my post!
I'd also like to hear how things are going with you... when you have some time and are no longer mad at your computer.
Regards
TN
It sometimes happens to me with my laptop. The damn computer decides to update something and shut down and restart in the middle of my post!
I'd also like to hear how things are going with you... when you have some time and are no longer mad at your computer.
Regards
TN