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Not sure I can do this anymore

ravenravenMember
Hi all,
I've returned from my self-imposed exile from the holidays and psycho games and drama of my FOO. I had much anxiety about leaving because I didn't want to be a downer around my friends. They know I've been working with a T and have had a lot of issues come up, but I can never seem to find the words to tell them what's really going on inside me and I know it must be frustrating for them. I made an appt. with T the morning before we left thinking she could do some EMDR or processing work to help ease my anxiety. She exclaimed that she can't just do EMDR without allowing myself to bring up the feelings and memories. So she explained more about my complex PTSD and after some exposure to some really angry memories and feelings I've buried for so long, I left her office feeling worse. I'm already dreading Xmas and what plans I need to make to escape everyone. How do others deal with the loneliness of the holidays and trying to take care of yourself while holding boundaries with messed up family members? I often feel it's easier to go along with their games and plans rather than doing what I want, because the fallout from not participating would be far worse. Maybe that's why I find it easier just to leave town. But I shouldn't have too! Sorry for the probably incoherent rambling....I just feel like I'm backsliding and it's really pissing me off and worrying me.
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L lieseMember
((((((RAVEN))))))

I qm typing from my phone because my computer crashed so this will be short and probably contain a lot of typos. I went through a period where how I felt inside was do bad and I felt I had To hide it from the world. There was this huge mismatch between how I felt and how I felt u had to act. And therapy is such a difficult thing for someone who is not in therapy To understand and many of my acquaintances are not that open minded. So that made the whole experience a lot more isolating. Ive actually pulled away from those acquaintances simply because I used To be drawn To very rigid people with very rigid thinking ( just like my parents!) and in therapy have discovered that these are not people I enjoy spending time with.

It's so hard too To be with family and feel like you have to participate when it hurts. Hopefully you will find that as you become more comfortable with yourself, that it will be easier to just do what feels good for you and it won't be as hard To tolerate negative reactions from family.

The holidays are so hard.

Xoxo
Liese

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