TAS,
I have to agree "what a shame!" Providing you've never had a problem with paying there was no reason that I can understand that he should have texted you that message...

Sorry I just read it again that you have never been late paying him. I know everybody says he is a good T and is doing what he should do BUT some things just seem insensitive at times with him. Don't mean to stir the pot but DANG sometimes I would not like his ways...just my opinion.

's
Hopeful

When I read the text, I was dumbfounded. After that wore off, I started to cry.

If I asked, he would probably give me some bullsh** answer citing the 'therapeutic frame.'

UGH.
T.

(((TAS)))

I thought you cancelled for today? How did the session go otherwise?

That was last week when he didn't hold the appt open...and I did freak out this past weekend and cancel but called back to sat I would be there.

It went fine, otherwise. What is your take on the whole money thing?

Typo: cancelled, say

T.

Tas, I also wouldn't like that response. For goodness sakes if you had have made other excuses on other occasions then I might understand it, but if you have always paid him on time why would one small delay make such a difference to him? It's not like he won't be able to buy bread or milk if you don't pay him on that specific day. You were clear enough for him to know he would be paid within the week.

I suppose we all have our faults/problems - maybe that's his. So long as he is helping you with your therapy I suppose that is what counts.

Don't be put off by one thing, I think if we had to all do that there would be nobody in therapy.

B2W

((((TAS)))

I would find it a bit brusque but it is hard to communicate via email/text sometimes. Things come off the wrong way. On the other hand, I couldn't help but wonder if he doesn't trust you for some reason and maybe there is a bit of negative transference going on both ways. Just throwing that out because things just seem very tense between the two of you pretty much all the time. Didn't you start that thread asking whether or not the therapist needs to trust us?

Sorry Tas,
I would not like that response, it seemed a bit unnecessary to me.
I think I would have asked T about it, because I know I would get annoyed about it everytime I paid after that.

(((TAS)))

Now that Pops put it that way, it makes more sense. It's not about the money at all. He probably saw it more as you trying to avoid going to your session.

I think he thought you were avoiding again.

Tas - the thing is - you are explaining all your feelings and reasons so well here to all of us. WE KNOW that you are attaching to him and it is beautiful to read and you spend so much time getting us to understand and we can all see it and are experiencing it with you.

Your T has no freaking idea. He still thinks you are acting out.

I was thinking today that your T has changed ever since you gave him that Termination Gift Card as a thank you gesture. Since then I am not sure whether your T is convinced that you are going to stick with him in therapy. You are so hot and cold and I think he is expecting you to terminate him every week.

You have to talk to him, not only do you have to learn to trust him, but he has to be able to trust you too.

My T kept talking about the reciprocal relationship that we have. I had no idea what she was talking about but now I get it. It is OUR relationship - the relationship IS my therapy. Whatever I struggle with her about - is what I struggle with in real life.

So step 1 is to keep talking about your and T's relationship - some of my sessions are just about T and I. You and your T need to get this right first. Read out the posts you write here, read out our replies to you. Just read them verbatim if you have to - it will show him that you are trying to commit to the process.

You are improving so much TAS, just keep taking the steps.
Somedays

((Pops)

Tas the other thing my T tells me especially after a rupture is that we have made a commitment to each other. T says it so that I stick with her and to reassure me that no matter how tough it can be between her and I that she is committed to me and our therapy for as long as it takes - I pretty much believe that my T will never terminate me (WOW, anyone who knows me knows it has taken years for me to realise that....)

I think making a commitment to each other is a good dialogue to have with a T.

SD