I'm glad I set up his lounge room the way I left it. I needed to 'see' it and him again. I needed to feel safe for at least an hour. I saw the bush and Blondie too. I told Bill I felt afraid of the alone. I always have been alone. That feeling never left me as an infant. I must have physical comfort in food, clothing, and room temp. I couldn't bear to open my eyes to an empty bedroom/world.

It ended with him disappearing from the chair, and me driving off to here again. I feel a little strengthened, but still sad. I am confused about how much of this is about Bill, or Ma. Never mind, as long as there are feelings it all matters. I tried some mind talking to the child, and explained Bills absents. She is still afraid.

What else can I do for her except serve an other plate of CM ice cream?