To complicate things further... it turned out this caseworker works in the same team as a good friend of mine works. I had asked my P to find someone outside of this team, but apparantly he had not managed. This woman immeditately told me it was not a good idea to start seeing her and that she would try and find someone else...
First I agreed, but after a nice ride through the woods, I've decided against it.
My fear of even the building now, the hallways and the waitingrooms, is so huge now, and the prospect of having to introduce myself to yet another face - it's too much.
I've emailed both this caseworker and my P and feel calm about the decision. This feeling may change ofcourse , but for now, this is it. I am getting far too exhausted and will try to get myself together a little bit.
I never ever could have predicted to arrive in a situation like this... but for now, I'll conclude with sending you all a nice
love

I wish I had known years previous how much a back-up can help when your main t is away. I suffered agony with separation anxiety and even had to go to the emergency room when T went on vacation. I felt I should be loyal, or that it wouldn't do any good to see someone. Phooey on loyalty, I should have helped my own self.