I keep thinking about the weening of the meds...which I always knew was coming. My P wanted to do it when I was in a better state and now new T says its really important to do it b/c its too much and its having a negative effect on me. The only two times I have ever tried to ween off the meds was with my two pregnancies and it did not go well. First time, I almost completely lost all control. I think the only reason I maintained was I had no other responsibilites to overwhelm me. I was on disability b/c of problems with pregnancy and had no other kids at the time. With my second pregnancy, I had to be put on disabililty b/c the depression got so bad when they tried to ween me down and then I had to be put on seperate medication to handle the ween as I felt like I might harm myself. And all along, I had old T with me. I could call, text, email, connect whenever I needed. This new T does not allow contact outside of session. What if she is not the right one for me afterall? There were times with old T that if I had not been able to connect between sessions, I would have totally lost it. But was that b/c I had become so dependent on her that it dibilated me? Can I actually get through things on my own? I don't know the answer to that but I sure as hell don't want to find out while I am in the middle of a meds ween and on the verge of losing it and have no one to contact
Oh my...I am freaking out. I am scared. I am in tears and I am aching about old T. This feels so unfair. So confusing. I am so unbeleivably sick and tired of this. I am worn out.