Dear (name removed),
I feel absolutely heartbroken by the recent events in our relationship.
I feel completely misunderstood.
I believe that the trust between us is severed. I do not know how to regain it. Perhaps you have ideas but I am at a total loss. I am already keeping things from you because I have learned that you go behind my back and ambush me rather than coming to me directly with how to handle my therapy. You have now at least twice used my trust of you against me. I know this was not your intention but the pain is the same. You treat me like someone who you have absolutely no trust in. How can I work with you under that premise? If you truly do not trust me then we need to consider this an impasse and consider terminating. You are hurting me with your mistrust of me.
I also want to say that I think you gave that person (the one who wrote all the tripe about you) more power than they ever deserved. I understand that you were alarmed and hurt by those comments. I would be too. But I believe that you gave them the power that they were seeking. I also want to comment that if you never figure out who did it there will always be a divide between us. Until you figure out who did this I think you will always suspect me.
It hurt me beyond words that you could sit and watch me writhe in pain over this and not in the least even try to reach out to me. You had no problem letting me walk out the door while I was falling apart.
I will admit that a part of me still holds a small hope that you can help me. However it is very weak. The battery is dying. This is why I am so angry with you. I feel you are destroying what little connection we had left.
I know this is longer than you want it to be. But i feel you have left me with my skin ripped right off of my body. I will never be able to see (name removed) in the same way. I will probably bow my head down whenever I see her. How on earth am I ever to know if she is convinced that it is not me? Waiting in you lobby will be torture now.
AND finally have you ever thought to sue the actual newspaper for publishing such bullshit about you? Perhaps that is where your lawsuit lies. Maybe then they will be more motivated to find out who wrote it. And I want to clarify when I said you won't know what hit you if you sue me I meant that in legal terms not as a physical threat. I meant LEGALLY you would be surprised at what I could come back with. I only said this because you scare me and I feel defensive in a situation where you have most of the power.
I want so badly for you to comfort me and reassure me that you trust me and believe me but I don't know if I can ever even trust such an interaction between us again. I feel you are treating me like I am your enemy and that I am going to hurt you. This is an impossible situation. I see no way out of it. I am paying a high price for trying to help you out. I feel I must brace myself when I go to see you now for the next sucker punch you have in store for me. Do you understand why I'd be feeling this way?
I was simply the messenger. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Heartbroken
WS,
It is good to hear from you again.
(((WS)))
And that is a remarkable letter that you wrote your T. I am part in enraged at how she made you feel by her reaction...over reaction I might add _toward you _ and the accusations she made at you w/o sufficient evidence. Then on the other hand, here is what I hope and believe in my heart: T's are human and make mistakes and this breech may still be repairable. I think your letter clearly expresses that desire to mend the breech, but also a VALID fear of whether you can ever truly trust her again. So this I believe is going to have to be on her shoulders and burden of proof that she will have to demonstrate and help you overcome. It may very well be that she is not a fit for you, but if this can and does get resolved I can only imagine the strength and closeness that will result for both of you.
T's can still learn and they must be willing to learn from their mistakes and how their remarks and reactions effect their clients who are some of the most sensitive and dependent people they will ever encounter. They are already well aware of that and have a huge responsibilty with that knowledge. So I hope she sees her error and humbly apologizies and works to restore your trust and confidence in this relationship. What a beautiful outcome that would be. But if she does not then you are better off w/o her as heartbreaking as that sounds. Whatever got to her in this ordeal, she needs to work out on her own and not through you. Even if you were the one who did whatever she accused you of (Though I don't beleive you are. I did not read the thread before you pulled it, but I do get a sense of it) she should NEVER be abusive toward you. It baffles me honestly. I sincerely hope that you will be able to bridge this gap with your T. I hope that you will stick close to us as you go through this too.
I am sorry you are so heartbroken and I hope you feel important and loved here, because YOU ARE!!!
JM
It is good to hear from you again.
(((WS)))And that is a remarkable letter that you wrote your T. I am part in enraged at how she made you feel by her reaction...over reaction I might add _toward you _ and the accusations she made at you w/o sufficient evidence. Then on the other hand, here is what I hope and believe in my heart: T's are human and make mistakes and this breech may still be repairable. I think your letter clearly expresses that desire to mend the breech, but also a VALID fear of whether you can ever truly trust her again. So this I believe is going to have to be on her shoulders and burden of proof that she will have to demonstrate and help you overcome. It may very well be that she is not a fit for you, but if this can and does get resolved I can only imagine the strength and closeness that will result for both of you.
T's can still learn and they must be willing to learn from their mistakes and how their remarks and reactions effect their clients who are some of the most sensitive and dependent people they will ever encounter. They are already well aware of that and have a huge responsibilty with that knowledge. So I hope she sees her error and humbly apologizies and works to restore your trust and confidence in this relationship. What a beautiful outcome that would be. But if she does not then you are better off w/o her as heartbreaking as that sounds. Whatever got to her in this ordeal, she needs to work out on her own and not through you. Even if you were the one who did whatever she accused you of (Though I don't beleive you are. I did not read the thread before you pulled it, but I do get a sense of it) she should NEVER be abusive toward you. It baffles me honestly. I sincerely hope that you will be able to bridge this gap with your T. I hope that you will stick close to us as you go through this too.
I am sorry you are so heartbroken and I hope you feel important and loved here, because YOU ARE!!!
JM
I just lost it. I left a message on my T's answering machine that if she doesn't trust me then we need to terminate.
She told me once before that she doesn't trust me. I believe that it is this distrust that has caused me great pain and harm. I have never done anything to her.
IF she is so defensive with me how on earth can I trust her? How on earth can I be vulnerable with her?
I am at a total loss. I don't see any reason to keep going anymore. I have tried so hard to get help only to be bashed and destroyed by therapists who seem to only think of themselves when it comes down to the truth.
She told me once before that she doesn't trust me. I believe that it is this distrust that has caused me great pain and harm. I have never done anything to her.
IF she is so defensive with me how on earth can I trust her? How on earth can I be vulnerable with her?
I am at a total loss. I don't see any reason to keep going anymore. I have tried so hard to get help only to be bashed and destroyed by therapists who seem to only think of themselves when it comes down to the truth.
PS I am now JO not WS.
quote:Originally posted by Jo:
I just lost it. I screamed on my T's answering machine that if she doesn't trust me then we need to terminate.
Hi Jo...
So how did you feel after leaving that voicemail?
Did you feel any better? Or did it just make you more miserable? I've left a few messages for my T from time to time...sometimes they make me feel better and sometimes....well....I wish I could hack into her phone system and delete them before she hears them...LOL.
SD
I feel confident that I have done the right thing. I wish I had been more calm but I can not work with someone who has an inherent distrust of me.
I hear you on that Jo....
I don't think I could work with someone who was distrustful or suspicious of me. So good for you!
I'm wondering if she will call you...she will obviously hear your distress. If she doesn't return your call then yes...I would say that you need to terminate with her and find someone more attuned to your needs. Keep us posted...k?
I don't think I could work with someone who was distrustful or suspicious of me. So good for you!
I'm wondering if she will call you...she will obviously hear your distress. If she doesn't return your call then yes...I would say that you need to terminate with her and find someone more attuned to your needs. Keep us posted...k?
Thank you Soulful!
Your support means a lot to me.
I know I seem crazy but this new therapist has really done some very questionable things with me. I feel it would take too long to explain it all in typing.
She acts like I am her enemy. Threatening to sue me over something that I had absolutely nothing to do with feels like the final straw for me.
The sad thing is I truly need help right now. I lost my old T because she retired. I am left on my own now I guess.
Your support means a lot to me.
I know I seem crazy but this new therapist has really done some very questionable things with me. I feel it would take too long to explain it all in typing.
She acts like I am her enemy. Threatening to sue me over something that I had absolutely nothing to do with feels like the final straw for me.
The sad thing is I truly need help right now. I lost my old T because she retired. I am left on my own now I guess.
Hi Jo
You are never truly alone even if it feels like you dont have a therapist that you can trust. Don't give up on therapy because of the last therapist.
Some therapists just shouldnt be therapists!
You are never truly alone even if it feels like you dont have a therapist that you can trust. Don't give up on therapy because of the last therapist.
Some therapists just shouldnt be therapists!
The more and more I think about it the more I realize that I either need to quit with her or I need to take a LOOOOOOOOOONG break. At least a few months.
I need to protect myself.
I need to protect myself.
I feel like I've come in the middle of a long conversation... but it sounds to me like you're doing the right thing, even if it is hard to do! Therapists have a legal obligation to confidentiality with their clients. Hope you find a new T soon... I don't know where you live, but our T is awesome! (we're Canadian...)
Scott
Scott
Jo
You absolutely have to do what feels right for you. If you can't trust your T and she is not willing to make amends for that, then you should move on. Just don't give up on all T's. There are some out there that should never have become T's, just as in any service occupations, but there are many more who are very compassionate, empathetic, kind and knowledgeable people. It may take some time and lots of energy, but I'm sure you can find a match. You know that you need someone to help you, so please look for it. Was your old T who retired, someone you could trust? If so, then you know how that feels. Look for that again, and again and again if you have to. There is someone out there for you. Don't short change yourself. You are so worth the effort.
PL
You absolutely have to do what feels right for you. If you can't trust your T and she is not willing to make amends for that, then you should move on. Just don't give up on all T's. There are some out there that should never have become T's, just as in any service occupations, but there are many more who are very compassionate, empathetic, kind and knowledgeable people. It may take some time and lots of energy, but I'm sure you can find a match. You know that you need someone to help you, so please look for it. Was your old T who retired, someone you could trust? If so, then you know how that feels. Look for that again, and again and again if you have to. There is someone out there for you. Don't short change yourself. You are so worth the effort.
PL
Thank you Dude and PL.
I talked to my T now and am unsure what to do. I will see her Monday. If she doesn't own her part about making a case about me based on what I have told her in confidence I don't think I can work with her. If she can't admit that she used my words against me in a hurtful way then I don't think i can ever trust her again. And if I can not trust her then how can I work with her? This is making me sick. I told her that I may need to take a break from her and she said "so when you're feeling threatened you want to go away?" I thought that was bullshit. I told her that I had some legitimate complaints. I don't want to be analyzed that way. She needs to own her part in this.
I talked to my T now and am unsure what to do. I will see her Monday. If she doesn't own her part about making a case about me based on what I have told her in confidence I don't think I can work with her. If she can't admit that she used my words against me in a hurtful way then I don't think i can ever trust her again. And if I can not trust her then how can I work with her? This is making me sick. I told her that I may need to take a break from her and she said "so when you're feeling threatened you want to go away?" I thought that was bullshit. I told her that I had some legitimate complaints. I don't want to be analyzed that way. She needs to own her part in this.
Hi Jo...
Here's just a little bit of advice. Go in...let her talk. Hold your feelings in check if you can do that. See what she has to say...she may not do it...but it's worth a try.
If she demands to hear about how your feeling then by all means...tell her. But if I were in your position. I would try to make her speak first.
SD
Just my thoughts on it...good luck to you. I know it will be enormously hard...Be brave, you can do it. She is not all knowing and all wise. We all have our "stuff."
Here's just a little bit of advice. Go in...let her talk. Hold your feelings in check if you can do that. See what she has to say...she may not do it...but it's worth a try.
If she demands to hear about how your feeling then by all means...tell her. But if I were in your position. I would try to make her speak first.
SD
Just my thoughts on it...good luck to you. I know it will be enormously hard...Be brave, you can do it. She is not all knowing and all wise. We all have our "stuff."
That's good advice soulful. I think I may just try that. It's a good idea to try to stay as composed as I possibly can. I know her intentions are good so I must keep that in mind. Of course that doesn't guarantee that she is all together healthy.
quote:and she said "so when you're feeling threatened you want to go away?"
Jo,
What makes me uncomfortable about her saying that is in the middle of a crisis when you're telling her your trust has been seriously damaged is not a good time to be challenging you. How about "I can understand why this would feel so threatening and make you want to leave. But do you think you could stay so we could try and work this out?"
I wish she were speaking to you in a way that felt less accusatory. I agree with Soulful, trying to stay calm and let her talk is a good idea. Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide if you can continue to work with her. But we'll all be here either way.
AG
quote:"I can understand why this would feel so threatening and make you want to leave. But do you think you could stay so we could try and work this out?"
Wow just reading that and imagining her saying that to me was a huge relief! I may just bring your post in for her to read. That is exactly what I am looking for from her. I realize that I may not get that from her but it sure would be a relief!
You'd be a good T AG
Jo,
I'm really glad it helped you clarify what you wanted and brought some relief.
And I must admit that I came up with that by imagining what my T would say in that situation. Most of my good stuff comes from knowing when to quote my T, a very wise man, who has fortunately taught me alot.
AG
I'm really glad it helped you clarify what you wanted and brought some relief.
And I must admit that I came up with that by imagining what my T would say in that situation. Most of my good stuff comes from knowing when to quote my T, a very wise man, who has fortunately taught me alot.
AG
Jo -
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope your talk with your T goes well.
OW
Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope your talk with your T goes well.
OW
Thank you AG and OW. It's nice to know that you'll be thinking of me. I go there in about an hour and a half. Yikes!!
Sounds like you have a very sensitive T AG. My old T was like that. How I miss her.
Sounds like you have a very sensitive T AG. My old T was like that. How I miss her.
Jo- Just want you to know I'm thinking of you too! Please let us know how this works out.
((Jo))
BTW: Remember you are not alone in this. We are all there with you backing you up. Be strong, brave, and reasonable. Say what you need to say.
((Jo))
BTW: Remember you are not alone in this. We are all there with you backing you up. Be strong, brave, and reasonable. Say what you need to say.
She said she didn't do anything wrong.
She tried to analyze me.
I don't know what to say or think.
I am going to go to bed.
Thanks for all of your support.
She tried to analyze me.
I don't know what to say or think.
I am going to go to bed.
Thanks for all of your support.
WHAT??? ((JO)) Please say it isn't so. I was really hoping you would get things straightened around. My heart goes out to you. Please post more as you need and are able to.
JM
JM
quote:Originally posted by Jo:
She said she didn't do anything wrong.
She tried to analyze me.
I don't know what to say or think.
I am going to go to bed.
Thanks for all of your support.
WOW....I'm a bit stunned. What did she say?
I think this is not a good fit for you...Jo.
What are your other options?
SD
I'm sorry Jo, I was hoping it would have gone better.
OW
OW
I'm so sorry Jo. I hope that you were able to express some of what you felt even if she didn't respond well.
Jo,
You deserve better. I don't like that she is unwilling or incapable of seeing that at least SOME of this is her fault. She's heavily tripping my radar.
I'm sorry Jo, I was hoping that when you sat down with her you'd be able to work it out. I want you to be safe and taken care of, and I'm not sure she's the T to do so. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.
You deserve better. I don't like that she is unwilling or incapable of seeing that at least SOME of this is her fault. She's heavily tripping my radar.
I'm sorry Jo, I was hoping that when you sat down with her you'd be able to work it out. I want you to be safe and taken care of, and I'm not sure she's the T to do so. I can't begin to imagine how you must feel.
Jo
I'm so sorry that today was so terrible for you. It sounds like this has become a he said/she said situation and neither side budging. Not that I am saying you are being out of line here. I just don't think that there is a compromise in the near future. At least you got to say what you feel, and that seems like the best you can do in this situation. How did you leave it with her? Did she ask you to come back? It just doesn't sound like this will be a positive situation for you any time soon. Just know that we are all here supporting you whatever you decide to do. You know the situation the best, and you have to do what is comfortable for you. Be strong.
PL
I'm so sorry that today was so terrible for you. It sounds like this has become a he said/she said situation and neither side budging. Not that I am saying you are being out of line here. I just don't think that there is a compromise in the near future. At least you got to say what you feel, and that seems like the best you can do in this situation. How did you leave it with her? Did she ask you to come back? It just doesn't sound like this will be a positive situation for you any time soon. Just know that we are all here supporting you whatever you decide to do. You know the situation the best, and you have to do what is comfortable for you. Be strong.
PL
Thanks you guys.
I am not sure what to do. There are things about her that I like a lot. For one thing I do not have that mother transference thing going on with her. That's something I have sought all of my life and it is a relief to talk to someone who that is not happening with. Also she is very skilled in many ways. She helped a good friend of mine recover from DID (MPD) and that means A LOT to me. My friend trusted her and to me that is a great litmus test.
However I am still left feeling awful because it took 45 mintues of talking just to get her to acknowledge that what she did may have hurt me. Now she's talking about giving my power back to me. As though that is hers to dole out. I wish she understood that she never had my power to give back to me. She never had it.
That doesn't mean I am not depressed now. I am walking around like a zombie. There are so many things that I have to do in order to prevent losing my home and my car etc but I just can not bring myself to do them. In the past I would have done these things despite pain etc. BUt the loss of my parents as I knew them, the loss of my job, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my old T, and now the loss of trust between me and my new T has taken it's tole. I invision myself ending up on the street with nothing left. This is not an exageration. I am not taking care of myself. Coming to this group is the closest I come to even doing anything kind for myself.
You are a beautiful bunch of people. I admire and respect you. I feel in many ways that I am too sick to be here. You all seem to move forward despite it all. I just want to throw in the towel and let what happens happen.
I am not sure what to do. There are things about her that I like a lot. For one thing I do not have that mother transference thing going on with her. That's something I have sought all of my life and it is a relief to talk to someone who that is not happening with. Also she is very skilled in many ways. She helped a good friend of mine recover from DID (MPD) and that means A LOT to me. My friend trusted her and to me that is a great litmus test.
However I am still left feeling awful because it took 45 mintues of talking just to get her to acknowledge that what she did may have hurt me. Now she's talking about giving my power back to me. As though that is hers to dole out. I wish she understood that she never had my power to give back to me. She never had it.
That doesn't mean I am not depressed now. I am walking around like a zombie. There are so many things that I have to do in order to prevent losing my home and my car etc but I just can not bring myself to do them. In the past I would have done these things despite pain etc. BUt the loss of my parents as I knew them, the loss of my job, the loss of my best friend, the loss of my old T, and now the loss of trust between me and my new T has taken it's tole. I invision myself ending up on the street with nothing left. This is not an exageration. I am not taking care of myself. Coming to this group is the closest I come to even doing anything kind for myself.
You are a beautiful bunch of people. I admire and respect you. I feel in many ways that I am too sick to be here. You all seem to move forward despite it all. I just want to throw in the towel and let what happens happen.
Jo,
You are not too sick to be here. This is for people trying to recover. We're all in different places on our journey and we're all unique people so we ALL have things to contribute and we all need support. You're in the right place. And say that again, I'll get out the HTML slapper and I hesitate to use it right now because you have enough going on.
I'm sorry Jo, it just sounds like so much to handle. Can you pick just one item to get done today? Sometimes when I feel really overwhelmed picking just one thing at least allows me to deak with that one thing. I have a tendency to freeze in the face of feeling overwhelmed.
AG
You are not too sick to be here. This is for people trying to recover. We're all in different places on our journey and we're all unique people so we ALL have things to contribute and we all need support. You're in the right place. And say that again, I'll get out the HTML slapper and I hesitate to use it right now because you have enough going on.
I'm sorry Jo, it just sounds like so much to handle. Can you pick just one item to get done today? Sometimes when I feel really overwhelmed picking just one thing at least allows me to deak with that one thing. I have a tendency to freeze in the face of feeling overwhelmed.
AG
I would like to second what AG said. You are not to sick to be here... that is a lie that isn't worth believing. You are worth being here and you deserve help from. We want you here, struggling or succeeding.
Don't give up on yourself Jo. Remember that just because you haven't taken care of yourself in the past doesn't mean that you can't. Like AG said, pick one thing- maybe take a bath even- and start there. Keep posting...
Don't give up on yourself Jo. Remember that just because you haven't taken care of yourself in the past doesn't mean that you can't. Like AG said, pick one thing- maybe take a bath even- and start there. Keep posting...
quote:Coming to this group is the closest I come to even doing anything kind for myself.
And so you see Jo, you ARE doing something for yourself. You are having a conversation with all of us and you are giving us support and asking for our opinions/advice. As AG and CT said, pick one thing - a small thing. Then you can build on that. There is always hope for each of us. As I'm sure you have seen, we all have up days and we all have had and will continue to have down days. That's what makes this group so special. We are all struggling with our issues, but we feel safe and understood here. Has it solved all my problems? Hell no!! But talking to everyone, you included, gives me the strength to push on. You CAN do it Jo. Trust in yourself and keep talking to us. We really do care about you.
PL
Jo, Please know that YOU BELONG here and you are deserving of love and support! Whatever happens with you and your T you have someplace to to turn to with many "friends" who care about you and want to help and share in your joys _and_ grief. You don't have to be alone with this.
I am sorry about your dire circumstances. You must be terrified and perplexed, but I also detect a strength and courage and determination it takes to get through this, and you WILL get through this.
Stay as close as you need. We are all here for you. And like the others said before me, find small ways that you can soothe and care for yourself right now. You are worth it and you deserve the best care available.
JM
I am sorry about your dire circumstances. You must be terrified and perplexed, but I also detect a strength and courage and determination it takes to get through this, and you WILL get through this.
Stay as close as you need. We are all here for you. And like the others said before me, find small ways that you can soothe and care for yourself right now. You are worth it and you deserve the best care available.
JM
Thank you CT, PL and JM
I realize that I am still angry at my T. I told her that if she can't give me some sort of an apology for the pain that she caused me this last weekend then I could not trust her again and that I will have to find someone else. She is going to get back to me. But she also already told me that she did nothing wrong. I don't think it was wrong of her to ask me if I did it. What was so painful was that she threw my past in my face and used things that I told her in confidence to build a "case" against me. If she can not grasp why and how this would breach my trust in her then I simply must move on. I can not work with someone who is so inflexible. I saw her on Monday and also on Tuesday. On Tuesday I really could not speak to her about anything. Everything I said was scattered. I have another apt on Thursday. I guess if I don't cancel that now I will owe her money that my insurance won't pay. What is so hard for me is that I have invested time into this T and also I so desperately need the help that I am just hanging on by a string. I am starting to do impulsive things and that is unusual for me. I am just going to have to face yet another loss.
You guys did help me in that I did do one thing. I sent in proof of my car insurance so that I won't get in trouble. I got a ticket last thursday for not having proof of insurance. I called my company and they emailed me the proof I needed. So that was a good thing. Now I hav to report that I have been a victim of identity theft to the police. I have known about this for about 2 weeks and still have not reported it to the police. I guess I am pretty down.
Thansk for all of your support. It means a lot to me. Pretty much it is all I have right now.
I realize that I am still angry at my T. I told her that if she can't give me some sort of an apology for the pain that she caused me this last weekend then I could not trust her again and that I will have to find someone else. She is going to get back to me. But she also already told me that she did nothing wrong. I don't think it was wrong of her to ask me if I did it. What was so painful was that she threw my past in my face and used things that I told her in confidence to build a "case" against me. If she can not grasp why and how this would breach my trust in her then I simply must move on. I can not work with someone who is so inflexible. I saw her on Monday and also on Tuesday. On Tuesday I really could not speak to her about anything. Everything I said was scattered. I have another apt on Thursday. I guess if I don't cancel that now I will owe her money that my insurance won't pay. What is so hard for me is that I have invested time into this T and also I so desperately need the help that I am just hanging on by a string. I am starting to do impulsive things and that is unusual for me. I am just going to have to face yet another loss.
You guys did help me in that I did do one thing. I sent in proof of my car insurance so that I won't get in trouble. I got a ticket last thursday for not having proof of insurance. I called my company and they emailed me the proof I needed. So that was a good thing. Now I hav to report that I have been a victim of identity theft to the police. I have known about this for about 2 weeks and still have not reported it to the police. I guess I am pretty down.
Thansk for all of your support. It means a lot to me. Pretty much it is all I have right now.
Jo
Good for you!!! You did one thing yesterday (and I don't think it was a small thing) and it gave you some space/relief. So you know what you have to do today right? Identity theft?!?!?! Please take care of that. I se a snowball rolling here.
Seriously, you don't want that to get any bigger than it probably already is. You CAN take care of this today. Let us know how it goes.
PL
Good for you!!! You did one thing yesterday (and I don't think it was a small thing) and it gave you some space/relief. So you know what you have to do today right? Identity theft?!?!?! Please take care of that. I se a snowball rolling here.
Seriously, you don't want that to get any bigger than it probably already is. You CAN take care of this today. Let us know how it goes.
PL
It just doesn't matter anymore.
I am going into a severe depression and I can not seem to help myself.
I have no one to turn to in person. I have nothing left.
I have lost too much and I can not stop the hemorraging. I am sorry. I am usually a more put together person than this but I am human and I have limitations as to what i can and can not handle.
I feel I am going to fall to the ground.
I am going into a severe depression and I can not seem to help myself.
I have no one to turn to in person. I have nothing left.
I have lost too much and I can not stop the hemorraging. I am sorry. I am usually a more put together person than this but I am human and I have limitations as to what i can and can not handle.
I feel I am going to fall to the ground.
I am glad you keep posting here Jo. Whatever it takes keep doing it until you can stop or slow the cycle down enough to endure.
I've been in a similar emotional state off and on lately, more on than off it seems and something I learned is to find at least one thing to stop the cycle (which feels more like a merry-go-round spinning out of control) Your cycle is severe depression. Identify some factors that are causing or lending to that cycle and choose 1 task or remove one problem and it will slow down. You can take the power away from the depressive cycle. A friend told me a long time ago to "challenge my depression." I had never thought it was possible as it always seems to defeat me and beat the snot out of me, but every so often I find a little something to change about my situation and do it. Going for a walk, taking a hot bath and just going to bed early if you have to. And what you did by calling your insurance company. It is one more thing off your list that is plaguing and overwhelming you. So today you try to handle one more thing, perhaps the identity theft. Stop and visualize that list getting smaller and more managable. You can do it one teensy, weensy, micro, baby step at a time.
I know depression hurts and I feel it quite similar as you describe and it feels impossible to take care of myself. I learned some deep patterns of self neglect from my mother and this can be such a debilitating and helpless feeling. I want you to know that those are very young infant/toddler feelings when you feel helpless and despondent. By giving it an age it helps to recognize what you as your adult self can do to provide for that child's needs. Take her in your arms and tell her she is safe and everything will be ok. Whatever you know she needs to hear. And Jo, next time you hear me carrying on the way I do, please remind me of the same thing. I have a feeling it will be within the next few days. If not someone check to see if I am unconcious.
I hope this makes sense and that you are able to keep muddling through, wading through, crawling through...whatever it takes to get _through_. Again, I am so sorry about how hard this leg of your journey is for you. My wish is for you to find at least a little peace today.
JM
I've been in a similar emotional state off and on lately, more on than off it seems and something I learned is to find at least one thing to stop the cycle (which feels more like a merry-go-round spinning out of control) Your cycle is severe depression. Identify some factors that are causing or lending to that cycle and choose 1 task or remove one problem and it will slow down. You can take the power away from the depressive cycle. A friend told me a long time ago to "challenge my depression." I had never thought it was possible as it always seems to defeat me and beat the snot out of me, but every so often I find a little something to change about my situation and do it. Going for a walk, taking a hot bath and just going to bed early if you have to. And what you did by calling your insurance company. It is one more thing off your list that is plaguing and overwhelming you. So today you try to handle one more thing, perhaps the identity theft. Stop and visualize that list getting smaller and more managable. You can do it one teensy, weensy, micro, baby step at a time.
I know depression hurts and I feel it quite similar as you describe and it feels impossible to take care of myself. I learned some deep patterns of self neglect from my mother and this can be such a debilitating and helpless feeling. I want you to know that those are very young infant/toddler feelings when you feel helpless and despondent. By giving it an age it helps to recognize what you as your adult self can do to provide for that child's needs. Take her in your arms and tell her she is safe and everything will be ok. Whatever you know she needs to hear. And Jo, next time you hear me carrying on the way I do, please remind me of the same thing. I have a feeling it will be within the next few days. If not someone check to see if I am unconcious.
I hope this makes sense and that you are able to keep muddling through, wading through, crawling through...whatever it takes to get _through_. Again, I am so sorry about how hard this leg of your journey is for you. My wish is for you to find at least a little peace today.
JM
Jo, I know sometimes that things seem tough and the burdens seem heavy but you will get through this. I know we can't be there "in person" for you but we are here to listen and support you through this difficult time. We like having you here with us in this group so please keep posting and sharing. Let us know how you are doing.
I'm sorry that you now have identity theft to deal with. Just take things one step at a time. Do you have any family support? I know it can be difficult to ask for help, I know I struggle with this, but sometimes we are surprised at how much people really do care and want to help us. I guess what I'm saying is that if you feel you need someone in person with you then reach out to a friend or family member and ask for their support.
I realize you are having a disruption with your T and that can be very painful. I'm so sorry. I do wonder if perhaps she is not a fit for you because it seems that her style frustrates you and she seems cold and clinical to me. Is it possible to ask your M.D. for a referral to another T or P? I know it will be hard to start over but maybe it will be a good change and you will find someone more supportive that you can relate to.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Hugs,
TN
I'm sorry that you now have identity theft to deal with. Just take things one step at a time. Do you have any family support? I know it can be difficult to ask for help, I know I struggle with this, but sometimes we are surprised at how much people really do care and want to help us. I guess what I'm saying is that if you feel you need someone in person with you then reach out to a friend or family member and ask for their support.
I realize you are having a disruption with your T and that can be very painful. I'm so sorry. I do wonder if perhaps she is not a fit for you because it seems that her style frustrates you and she seems cold and clinical to me. Is it possible to ask your M.D. for a referral to another T or P? I know it will be hard to start over but maybe it will be a good change and you will find someone more supportive that you can relate to.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Hugs,
TN