Hello my friends,
This is me question:
can you be both an ok person and done evil stuff?
I'll tell you why I asking and me thought if somone replies HAHA!
Samy
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Samy,
I don't know what evil stuff that you feel that you have done that YOU are actually responsible for. And I do not want you to feel that you have to disclose anything that you might wish you hadn't, but you are welcome to express and relate anything you want to and be heard and not judged. It seems that whatever it is that you feel you have done is really weighing on your mind. I know when I express myself I usually feel better about getting it off my mind. But you have to be sure that you are ok with expressing it out in the open. OK?
JM
I don't know what evil stuff that you feel that you have done that YOU are actually responsible for. And I do not want you to feel that you have to disclose anything that you might wish you hadn't, but you are welcome to express and relate anything you want to and be heard and not judged. It seems that whatever it is that you feel you have done is really weighing on your mind. I know when I express myself I usually feel better about getting it off my mind. But you have to be sure that you are ok with expressing it out in the open. OK?
JM
Samy,
I'm not sure of your definition of evil or what the things are that you feel responsible for (and like Just Me, I wonder if they were really of your own volition) but all those caveats aside. Yes, I do believe that we can do evil things and still be ok. Human beings are capable of sinking to very depraved depths and rising to unspeakable heights of nobility. We all carry in us the capacity for both, but I also believe that our existence, our personhood, endows us with an intrinsic dignity and worth, which can be marred, but not destroyed. That every human being stands in need of forgiveness for things they've done. But what makes us ok, is our repentance of those deeds and seeking forgiveness if its needed that make us ok. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, so IMHO, it is only through forgiveness and grace that we are ok. And I very much believe that about you; that you are ok, and even, if for the sake of argument, you did do something evil, then that is a behavior you did, not what you are. It does not define you.
And Samy, I have seen your very kind heart, I still go back and read your post on butterfly angels to comfort myself sometimes, and I KNOW that you are not evil.
AG
I'm not sure of your definition of evil or what the things are that you feel responsible for (and like Just Me, I wonder if they were really of your own volition) but all those caveats aside. Yes, I do believe that we can do evil things and still be ok. Human beings are capable of sinking to very depraved depths and rising to unspeakable heights of nobility. We all carry in us the capacity for both, but I also believe that our existence, our personhood, endows us with an intrinsic dignity and worth, which can be marred, but not destroyed. That every human being stands in need of forgiveness for things they've done. But what makes us ok, is our repentance of those deeds and seeking forgiveness if its needed that make us ok. There is no such thing as a perfect human being, so IMHO, it is only through forgiveness and grace that we are ok. And I very much believe that about you; that you are ok, and even, if for the sake of argument, you did do something evil, then that is a behavior you did, not what you are. It does not define you.
And Samy, I have seen your very kind heart, I still go back and read your post on butterfly angels to comfort myself sometimes, and I KNOW that you are not evil.
AG
Samy,
It occurs to me that I may have unintentionally discouraged you from expressing what you wanted to express earlier. For some reason, and probably because I am thinking of you as the 14 year old girl and not the 40 something year old host, I was just so afraid that you might regret sharing later, but I don't know why I would think that way and I have no right to assume that role of your protector. I am sorry that I did that.
To be honest expressing myself here is as cathartic as it can be very healing. I want you to know that. So please feel free to post anything you need to say so that you can be heard too.
Your friend,
JM
It occurs to me that I may have unintentionally discouraged you from expressing what you wanted to express earlier. For some reason, and probably because I am thinking of you as the 14 year old girl and not the 40 something year old host, I was just so afraid that you might regret sharing later, but I don't know why I would think that way and I have no right to assume that role of your protector. I am sorry that I did that.
To be honest expressing myself here is as cathartic as it can be very healing. I want you to know that. So please feel free to post anything you need to say so that you can be heard too.
Your friend,
JM
I am thinking of you as the 14 year old girl and not the 40 something year old host
this is good! cuz I am 14
I have no right to assume that role of your protector. I am sorry that I did that.
HAHA! Did you knows protector is a DID term? I forgives you, and I know you trying protect me.
I also believe that our existence, our personhood, endows us with an intrinsic dignity and worth, which can be marred, but not destroyed.
I not know what all these words mean acutally. But I think you is saying that all people are worthwhile and even if we marred (that like scarred?) then we can still be worthwhile?
I done lots wrong, and I won't say what. Sometimes it very confusing. Like if a bad man say "do this!" and I does it, but I knows if I not does it then I will be hurt, then it were me who doned it and I supose I had a choice but it go confusing. Because then it stuck in me bones and me head. Cuz it were me doing the doing (HAHA! this confusing right!) and the choice were to do it, not do it and be hurt, or try run away (which I did a number of times but them were bigger and caughted me and then I got more hurted than ever).
Sometimes I think I got so much hurts, and pain, and evils in me that how can I ever change?
Lots of people told me I just evil, and then how do you remember you isn't?
And, lastly, what about the mean a** man who hurted me so? Does he have any ok in him? I not really seen none actually! All the way up to him death him denied doing things to me. (At least as far as I know cuz I not were there at the very last moment, him were in a coma and denied all it until the coma, then who knows? Cuz you can't actually talk in a coma but maybe him could still think and think to be forgiven?)
I try hard to be good. I try hard to not have such a temper and slow down and say stuff instead of just saying angry.
Thanks for your replies.
samy
this is good! cuz I am 14
I have no right to assume that role of your protector. I am sorry that I did that.
HAHA! Did you knows protector is a DID term? I forgives you, and I know you trying protect me.
I also believe that our existence, our personhood, endows us with an intrinsic dignity and worth, which can be marred, but not destroyed.
I not know what all these words mean acutally. But I think you is saying that all people are worthwhile and even if we marred (that like scarred?) then we can still be worthwhile?
I done lots wrong, and I won't say what. Sometimes it very confusing. Like if a bad man say "do this!" and I does it, but I knows if I not does it then I will be hurt, then it were me who doned it and I supose I had a choice but it go confusing. Because then it stuck in me bones and me head. Cuz it were me doing the doing (HAHA! this confusing right!) and the choice were to do it, not do it and be hurt, or try run away (which I did a number of times but them were bigger and caughted me and then I got more hurted than ever).
Sometimes I think I got so much hurts, and pain, and evils in me that how can I ever change?
Lots of people told me I just evil, and then how do you remember you isn't?
And, lastly, what about the mean a** man who hurted me so? Does he have any ok in him? I not really seen none actually! All the way up to him death him denied doing things to me. (At least as far as I know cuz I not were there at the very last moment, him were in a coma and denied all it until the coma, then who knows? Cuz you can't actually talk in a coma but maybe him could still think and think to be forgiven?)
I try hard to be good. I try hard to not have such a temper and slow down and say stuff instead of just saying angry.
Thanks for your replies.
samy
Yeah, Samy, that's what I meant, that all people are worthwhile. And marred is a lot like scarred. Its another way to say that none of us is perfect.
Samy, I don't think you're responsible for a lot of what you think you "did." (Pardon the pun! It was unintentional!) If someone was forcing you to do something while threatening to hurt you, you weren't choosing to do something, you were choosing to survive, which is a really strong instinct. I am assuming from what you are saying that you were a lot younger and this was an adult. Be definition a child is powerless and dependent for their very life on the adults around them. I'm going to tell you something my T once told me when I was struggling with feelings of being evil and things that I had done. It is ALWAYS the caretaker who is responsible when the child does something. The child does not have the resources or abilities to resist. Although it sounds like you tried. Running away was a very brave thing to do and a very strong sign you didn't want to do the things that you did. I really understand that you felt like you choose to do those things, but you really weren't left with a choice. The adults, and especially the bad man, instead of taking care of you forced you to do things that not only injured other but injured you. The bad thing was done by the man to you and whoever he made you hurt, not by you.
And I know when lots of people tell you that you are evil it is so hard not to believe it about yourself. You have to keep being with people who can tell you the truth; that you are not evil until you've heard it enough times to believe it. Your T has never told you that you're evil, has she?
As for the man who hurt you, I don't believe anyone is beyond redemption. But part of that inborn worth is a respect for our free will and our personhood. We must choice to accept forgiveness and I do believe that some people choose evil and turn away from the good so consistently, that their heart becomes so hard that they refuse to repent their acts and receive forgiveness. And by doing that they turn away from good. I think the bad man is one of those. And I also think that although everyone needs to be forgiven for something, some people need a lot more than others.
These are really hard questions you're asking Samy and I can really understand why you're struggling with them. But can I point out that someone truly evil wouldn't be struggling with it, and striving so hard to be good?
You're not evil Samy.
AG
Samy, I don't think you're responsible for a lot of what you think you "did." (Pardon the pun!
It was unintentional!) If someone was forcing you to do something while threatening to hurt you, you weren't choosing to do something, you were choosing to survive, which is a really strong instinct. I am assuming from what you are saying that you were a lot younger and this was an adult. Be definition a child is powerless and dependent for their very life on the adults around them. I'm going to tell you something my T once told me when I was struggling with feelings of being evil and things that I had done. It is ALWAYS the caretaker who is responsible when the child does something. The child does not have the resources or abilities to resist. Although it sounds like you tried. Running away was a very brave thing to do and a very strong sign you didn't want to do the things that you did. I really understand that you felt like you choose to do those things, but you really weren't left with a choice. The adults, and especially the bad man, instead of taking care of you forced you to do things that not only injured other but injured you. The bad thing was done by the man to you and whoever he made you hurt, not by you.And I know when lots of people tell you that you are evil it is so hard not to believe it about yourself. You have to keep being with people who can tell you the truth; that you are not evil until you've heard it enough times to believe it. Your T has never told you that you're evil, has she?
As for the man who hurt you, I don't believe anyone is beyond redemption. But part of that inborn worth is a respect for our free will and our personhood. We must choice to accept forgiveness and I do believe that some people choose evil and turn away from the good so consistently, that their heart becomes so hard that they refuse to repent their acts and receive forgiveness. And by doing that they turn away from good. I think the bad man is one of those. And I also think that although everyone needs to be forgiven for something, some people need a lot more than others.
These are really hard questions you're asking Samy and I can really understand why you're struggling with them. But can I point out that someone truly evil wouldn't be struggling with it, and striving so hard to be good?
You're not evil Samy.
AG
Dear Samy,
First of all, thank you for your forgiveness.
What others DO to you does not make YOU evil even if you went along with it. I am so sorry about what happened to you and how much that hurt you. I wish he would have admitted it; although I am sure that would not be much consolation either nor would it take away any of the pain and trauma that you feel.
Why other people called you evil is disgusting to me because that only served to make you more accessible as a victim and not given the love and support and protection that you did deserve.
You’re not evil Samy, but I know it will take a long time for you to convince yourself and feel validated enough to believe that.
As far as the man who hurt you having any ok in him, maybe in some way he had some ok qualities, but he certainly didn’t display them to you. What he did to you was wrong and inexcusable and to leave you with the blame is a despicable lie on HIS part!
When it comes to forgiveness that is up to you to decide if you are giving that to him yet. Just because he is dead doesn’t mean you can’t forgive and it doesn’t mean you have to either.
See I don’t think you are a bad person. I think you are a fabulous person. I love your insights here and always look forward to reading your posts. I consider you one of my dear friends here and you put a warm smile in my heart.
Evil people don't make me feel like that.
Are you open to safe cyber hugs?
JM
First of all, thank you for your forgiveness.
What others DO to you does not make YOU evil even if you went along with it. I am so sorry about what happened to you and how much that hurt you. I wish he would have admitted it; although I am sure that would not be much consolation either nor would it take away any of the pain and trauma that you feel.
Why other people called you evil is disgusting to me because that only served to make you more accessible as a victim and not given the love and support and protection that you did deserve.
You’re not evil Samy, but I know it will take a long time for you to convince yourself and feel validated enough to believe that.
As far as the man who hurt you having any ok in him, maybe in some way he had some ok qualities, but he certainly didn’t display them to you. What he did to you was wrong and inexcusable and to leave you with the blame is a despicable lie on HIS part!
When it comes to forgiveness that is up to you to decide if you are giving that to him yet. Just because he is dead doesn’t mean you can’t forgive and it doesn’t mean you have to either.
See I don’t think you are a bad person. I think you are a fabulous person. I love your insights here and always look forward to reading your posts. I consider you one of my dear friends here and you put a warm smile in my heart.
Evil people don't make me feel like that.Are you open to safe cyber hugs?
JM
quote:you weren't choosing to do something, you were choosing to survive
WOW! I really like this!
I think I need to learn to survive without being so supicious. And also to take into me bones what others say. Cuz, no, me T doesn't think I'm evil. Her actually says her likes me cuz I smart, and clever, and witty, and helps her to learn.
(perfer real hugs than cyber hugs! But I'll take them cyber hugs k)
samy
(((((((Samy)))))))