Thanks Brokes (((Unbroken)))

I just sent off the email... my heart dropped as I pressed send because I realize this could very well work out not in my favor, and as much as our friendship has been off lately, I might have just lost her forever.

I don't get to email my T, but I can now imagine how those of you that can feel while waiting for a reply... I don't know if I'll even get one from her. I guess the ball really is in her court now. This wait and see is going to be torture, but it can't be any more torturous than not saying anything, right?

R2G how are you doing? Have you heard back from your friend yet?

Good for you for sending that email, and I’ve got my fingers crossed that it has served to open up some honest discussion between you and your friend. Hope you’re not still having to sit and wait in silence though.

((((( R2G )))))

LL

Thanks (((PF))) and (((LL)))

I'm exhausted as I've been working on a presentation for work that is due this week (and I started it oh, three hours ago!) so just a quick note to say that yes, I sent the email. Yes, my friend replied. No, the reply was not satisfactory - two quick sentences with a promise to reply more thoughtfully later. Yes, she said she felt bad. Yes, I'm hopeful things will work out for the better, I did what I needed to do to take care of me by speaking up. She is an incredible friend 95% of the time. Kind of like I tend to focus on the ONE negative thing that happens in a day, and let that ruin my whole day, I'm going to hope that we can work through this 5% and not let it ruin the 95% of good we have. (Though I'll admit, lately it's been about 85% good and 15% not so good.)

Hope everyone's week is off to a more peaceful start than mine was!

So. Still no follow up from my friend. We did text a bit the other night, but it didn't come up, and she brushed it off when I tried to bring it up. I was actually ok with not hearing back from her as I know it will likely take a few days to formulate a response.

Except last night I learned that she was out to diner with a different friend. I got really annoyed that she had time for dinner with this friend, but had to keep cancelling plans with me.

So not what I want to deal with right now.

Hi PF, thanks for checking in.

She hasn't written back at all. My T doesn't think she will, either. Now that the presentation is done (it went really well, actually!) my mind is stuck in this endless cycle of self-hatred and anger where I try to figure out what I did to wreck the friendship, try to figure out how I can fix it, and then I get angry because I can't do anything about it since the ball is in her court.

My T asked me if I could live with our friendship the way it is - with her not being reliable, and I told her that I don't know if I can, but I don't know if I can't, either, cause though she isn't reliable, she is someone I care very much about, and want to see happy.

It's a mess. I'm a mess. I don't know that I've been this messed up before - I mean I sobbed for an hour straight with T, gasping for breath, messy, noisy sobs. I hated every second of it, too.

Ugh. This too shall pass, though, right?!

(((((R2G)))))

I'm sorry that she hasn't written back to you. I know it must be very painful not to have your needs acknowledged, validated and honored. But you stood up for yourself and even though it was hard, it sounds like it was an important thing to do. Maybe in the future she will take it more seriously when she makes a date with you.



Liese

Thanks ((((Liese))))

It took everything in my power not to email her again last night, to see if she wanted to grab lunch or something this weekend.... I didn't. I can't. But I so badly want to! I'm starting to feel that desperateness grabbing at me - I want to beg, what did I do? How can I fix it? But I know that wouldn't be productive, and would likely push her away further. I don't know... This sucks. Less than a week till surgery, and I can't even ask my best friend for help. This really sucks.

(((((((R2G)))))))



This has to be especially hard because it sounds like she has been such a dear friend in so many ways and it's just this one "tiny" thing, which we know isn't so tiny.

I'm curious to know why your T didn't think your friend wouldn't respond to your email but thought that the relationship was salvageable?

Good luck with the surgery. Hopefully the hospital will have wireless and you can bring your laptop and come here for support?

xoxo

Liese

What Liese said

quote:

Good luck with the surgery. Hopefully the hospital will have wireless and you can bring your laptop and come here for support?

Please do if you can.

Quell

Thanks (((Liese))) and (((Quell)))

Yes, she has been the most wonderful friend I've ever known, except for this "tiny" little blip... I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me in the last few days, like I have lost 2/3 of my support system- my NT is still on leave so I can't email her, and now my best friend isn't so friend-like. I feel so lost and sad. Desperate, really.

T seems to think that my friend isn't going to be able to put it into words, instead, she's going to move forward and pretend like nothing happened. T knows my friend pretty well, and I finally feel like T is right about this - I mean, I emailed my friend a week ago, and nothing. She acknowledged getting the email, but then never followed up. It hurts. A lot. I guess T thinks its salvageable because she knows my friend really does care a lot, but doesn't know how to/isn't willing to deal with the conversation that needs to happen. It's up to me whether I can choose to live with our friendship as it is, or not.

The hospital does have wireless, and I'll be on my iphone, so I will be checking in here for sure. Aside from T, you guys are all I have left.

(((((R2G))))))

So glad the hospital has wireless. It's great to know that the hospitals, at least yours, have kept up with the times.

Sometimes I find when I assert myself, the period following that can feel very lonely and I can feel disconnected from everyone. The pain that can come up for me is unbearable. I can only guess how bad you must feel, though, and how scary it must be with your hospital stay coming up.

Hopefully you can trust in what your T said that your friend does care and hold that close to you during this period while your friend works out whatever it is that she needs to work out for herself and how she affects you even though it must be hard to believe that she cares because she ignored the contents of your email.




Liese

Liese the waiting period is killing me. I have started an email to her a half dozen times today. It is literally destroying me right now. I'm trying to keep busy, but every time I stop, I break down into tears. I've called Ts voicemail a few times but I can't even speak. I want to hold on to what T said, but it is SO hard right now. So, so hard. I do not know how I'm going to get through the day tomorrow until I see T after work. I don't know how I'm going to do it, especially since I have to tell my class about the surgery. That's going to be (not) fun to tell a bunch of 8 year olds their teacher will be having surgery and they'll have a sub for nearly three weeks. This is so not good. I am so not good right now.

((((R2G))))

You need a good comedy right now to take your mind off things. Here, I have a joke for you:

What did zero say to eight?

OK. I'm up for the joke... now where's the answer?!

I think, that because of the more fragile state I am in at the moment due to other circumstances, that's just making this situation with my friend that much worse.

T said that it is likely that my friend "wishes" she could help/be there/follow-through with what she says, and that she means to, but she can't. It's going to take me a while to accept and understand that, but I'll have a few weeks where I'll be able to spend a lot of time thinking, and hopefully move through this...

Thanks for all the encouragement and support!

(((((R2G)))))

That IS hard to understand but I'm sure your T will help you get through this.

Okay, so here's the answer:

I like your belt .

Are you rolling over laughing? No one likes that joke except for me. It's my favorite joke.

Wishing you well.

xxoxoxoox

Liese

Thanks (((frosty)))

I think I'm starting to detach a little bit, which right now is a good thing. I at least have to start to disconnect emotionally, because this is wearing me out. I know it's just the beginning and it's going to take a very long time for me to go through the process of letting go of how things were and how I wish them to be, and instead accepting them as they are.

But for today, I'm not an emotional wreck over it like I have been. One day at a time!

R2G since you are up for jokes and Liese since you started the silly jokes, I've got one I love...I hope it is not below the belt I mean Liese started the belt thing...

How do you get pink eye?

((((R2G))))

Glad you are not a wreck over things like you have been. Hope everything's going okay.

((((B2W)))))

I'm dying here. How?

Ok... do spill it! What's the answer?



BTW - my friend actually called this afternoon. I was shocked when I saw it was her calling. We talked for a whole 4 minutes, but she initiated the call, so that's a start, right?

R2G - I'm really happy for you that she called! Thats great!

Ok now I told you Liese started the belt thing....so this one might just be below that belt in more ways than one....

and the answer is .....scrub your brown eye.

Probably more of a guys joke, still I've always thought it was funny.

((((b2w))))

Ah, that was a good one. Yes, a little below the belt, but you are right that I started it with the belt thing.

Liese