Over the years of 'Total Therapy' my defensive layers have been peeled off down to the core, exposing ounce by ounce of angst along the way. All that is left now are the core emotions, and infantile ones at that.

At the beginning of therapy fear held in most of my pain/frustration/anger. I told my story over and over until more and more pain was released. When repressed emotions started to surface I was in my tenth year of therapy. I needed anti anxiety meds then to limit the symptoms of the psychological and physical angst that seemed overwhelming to me at that time.

I could still function in a demanding job, but due to the problems stemming from my past, life was passing me by. Functioning on high anxiety, there was no real quality in my life.

Therapy didn’t focus on the symptoms of fear, it went right to the cause of it. I had an overload of anger that needed releasing. It took years to overcome those symptoms of anxiety so that I could at least function without medication. Therapy didn’t consist of antidepressants. Depression was the lid on angst slowing down everything about me.

Minimal angst leads to minimal depression. There is no need for the lid of depression to retain what is no longer there. When there is minimal anger in store there is minimal fear of it.

A part from occasionally delving into infantile depression these days, I have no signs or symptoms of major depression.

I continue to tell my story more so from the child's perspective than the adults. Extricating core emotions at this level is tolerable due to the bulk of repressed emotions already released.

And the trigger to all my anger is rejection, perceived or real.

It continues and for how long, no one knows.