((((PUPPET))))

Did you decide to go less frequently because the attachment was difficult for you? Maybe you're being too hard on the part of you that needs to go to therapy more?

hi liese,
i found this T when i wasn't doing too well financially but she worked on a sliding scale. problem is she normally only works during the day, 9-5 kind of thing mon-fri. at the time i had a part time job so it worked out ok for a while. now that i finally have a proper job, i have to take time off work for my sessions, and my job is pretty demanding, so i've only been able to do it once a month. my T said she could possibly do a late afternoon - but with my current job its still not possible to leave work that early on a weekly basis. so i'm going on with the once a month thing, till i find a more flexible job. i've been afraid to look properly though as its been so tough getting this job (and i don't really know what a flexible employer looks like) and i also need to sort out a place to live first. so its all on hold for now. just like therapy - i'm just hanging on and hoping something will work out later. thank you for asking and for caring.

i'm embarassed about my post now


puppet

Awww Puppet, It sounds like you have so much stress in your life. Don't be embarrassed about your post. It would be really hard for me to go to therapy once a month and I get how hard it is. And, on top of that to have the job insecurity and no permanent living arrangement. That's a lot. And one of the important things in life is to seek emotional support when things get tough. And, YOU did that by posting here. So give yourself a high five.

I'm sending you a high five. Wish I was better with the emoticons so I could find one.

HUGS,

Liese

P.S. What happened to your avatar?

Once a month sounds very hard indeed. I don't trust mine after 8 months of weekly appointments, with only a couple of times where one or the other of us was unavailable for a week. I cannot imagine how it would be possible in my lifetime to do it if it was only monthly. I hope your situation gets better so you can go more frequently.

Oh, once a month would really, really hurt. It's so hard when life won't let us take care of ourselves in this way. I am already stressed about this fall when I go back to school full-time again. My schedule is a lot fuller than I want it to be. It's going to be hard to fit therapy in, and although I definitely plan on going more often than once a month, it will still be reduced from what it is now. The choices are hard ones, though. With you, its your job on the line. With me, a lighter class load will possibly put me a year behind graduating. Sometimes I wish I could just totally let myself fall apart to the extent that I couldn't function anymore, just so I could let go of the responsibilities which keep me from working on healing.

Aw puppet, I know that one. The first part ( I think a year?) of my therapy was monthly phone sessions, and it was really...awful. In ways it would have been better to not do it at all. I'm hopeing that if you are continuing with therapy, that you will find a way, now matter what- out of this painful and impossible situation. You simply cannot progress with monthly sessions. IMO, your T should know that and tell you that. Mine was encouraging of monthly sessions, and it got me nowhere fast. It hurt so much that he would take my money for that. It was agony.

Hugs, puppet. It's like a drop of water once a month, that you have to pay mega bucks for- when you are dying of thirst in the desert. You *need* more.

I hope you will be able to find a way very soon.

Monthly sessions do indeed suck.

BB

(((((puppet)))))

It sucks trying to balance 2 things that you need. I wish your job was more flexible. Is there any way to work a longer day so you could leave earlier one day a week?

Please don't feel embarrassed by your post. I'm glad you are able to ask for support with us and wish I could do something to make things easier for you.

Puppet... I'm so sorry you are having to deal with so much at once and the T you need to help you manage it all is not available for you when you need her. I can't believe she does not work any later nights. I know how hard it is to ask for time off from a new job.

I wonder if it would be a better choice, long-term to have you transition to a new T who can see you weekly. I know this is not what you want to hear and it will be so hard to do because of the attachment you have been forming with this T but it will be very difficult (as BB atests) to heal with doing therapy once a month or once every 5 weeks. There is just not enough continuity or rhythm to the therapy to make it work for you.

It may hurt for the short-term but you are already hurting so much from this impossible arrangement. I know these are very hard decisions and this is only a suggestion. I hope you can find some peace over the next weeks and please use this forum for support while you wait for your next appointment.

One last thing... would you consider checking out a new T to see in the 7 weeks your T is gone from the picture? It may help you to bridge the gap between sessions and you may find someone you like as much or better.

Keep in touch
TN

i'm so overwhelmed by what everyone wrote...

liese, thank you for the high five and for saying that i'm going through a lot right now because i tend to minimize it. i took my avatar off a while ago as i felt i am still looking for myself and that picture wasnt really me.

stoppers, i am lucky because i feel that i found a therapist who is a good fit and that's why i don't want to let her go (or i'm just so attached and have huge abandonment issues that i am deluded... i don't know but i feel like i have to try it out).

mad hatter, i'm sorry to hear you'll have to cut down on your sessions too. the hard thing is that no-one knows that on top of your full schedule you also have emotionally draining therapy that takes a lot out of you - its like working two jobs, but one of them is in secret. i hope it won't be too hard for you.

beebs, what you said means a lot, you described it so vividly and i can't believe you went through that for a whole year! this is where i say (and try not to go ), it's only been 2 months for me. but i didn't know it would be this hard. its meant to be a temporary measure, she didn't encourage it or discourage it, i was the one who suggested it, while i look for a job or figure things out (made it seem more casual but the truth was that i just couldn't let go). she agreed to it saying something about keeping the connection till i can see her weekly again. i am so sorry your T hurt you like that!

forlon! its so nice to see you! welcome back and i am so sorry i didn't say hello earlier, i was at a complete loss as to what to say to help you feel better about your awful termination. it breaks my heart that you had to go through that.
i would have to leave work quite a bit earlier to make it to my appointment and my job is demanding and the people are all work obsessed and i just dont know what excuse to have every week. there are a lot of deadlines too. but maybe i should stand up for myself and ask for what i want... thank you.

TN - you are right, its not what i want to hear, but i do welcome your rational and very well meaning point of view! maybe that would be a better choice. something in me just wants to not give up yet and hold on to her - and i dont think its destructive, there is hope there and i just cant take it away. i have tried, but i feel like the part of me that wants to keep her is strong and stubborn and she won't give up. i have to at least try, do my best to make it work. i keep trying to come up with new plans. last session i asked her if she would be at all flexible with the appointment, could it be slightly later (but first i made sure she won't answer my question, i asked her to confirm that she won't). so i guess i will find out when i'll be brave enough to handle the answer. thank you, it actually clarified things for me more.

oh, by the way, i did call her and left a message about having an extra session before she goes away on holiday (i say that lightly at the end - because after i did it, i just wanted to forget about it, pretend it was only a dream) it was only a dream, i can go to sleep now and dream some more.


puppet

(((((((puppet)))))

starfish

thank you starfish!

puppet

(((((puppet))))

I'm sorry. I know how difficult it can be to cut back on therapy. I see one of my therapists every day of the work week and text with T1 throughout the weekend....I am dreading the day that I am going to have to cut back which will likely be soon when my work schedule changes. We get so attached to them....and we can literally ache for them when we go a while without contact. I think it is in those times away that we realize the limitations of the relationship. When we are in frequent communication with them, its like we are able to fool ourselves into thinking that we really do have some sort of relationship with them.

I hope you are able to come to terms with this less frequent contact with your T. I know it isn't easy. Just wanted to say that you are not alone..so many of us understand what you are going through. (((((puppet)))

thank you LG for understanding! it sounds like it will be really tough for you too, any chance you can do it gradually - and hopefully when you feel ready..?

awwwww, D, thank you for your support! i am ok today. i heard back from her yesterday and she can fit in another session before her holiday. it was hard to wait for her to call me back but i think i've forgiven her now. i havent asked about email and she seems like the type of T who wouldn't do that... cant say for sure though, but she seems strict with very strong boundaries, which i like in a way. the problem is, i am still too ashamed to admit to her my level of attachment and that i might need something more from her to keep me going when i'm waiting for the next session. i still hope that maybe she can be more flexible and maybe we can work something out more often than monthly. hope - its what keeps us going and what hurts too.

hugs back!
puppet

UPDATE - weekly sessions now!
... well, it will be weekly after her 5 week holiday

i know that i should be happy about it (a part of me is) but i'm also REALLY freaking out and in so much internal conflict..... not much fun...

i'm sorry i keep coming here once in a while, dump my problems and then i disappear again... i tend to go into hiding once in a while. i was also without internet for a while as i recently moved (on my own now, but i think i will be ok).

just wanted to update with some good news - although i seem to be incapable of enjoying it. a part of me is terrified i think, because ... well, it will have to end some day, maybe sooner than i think. i think i have a year with her max, maybe even less, i dont know. god, do i have to put such a damper on good news... sorry to be such a depressing bore defense mechanism i guess (i hope!)

well, so she agreed to make the appointment slightly later and i managed to ask at work if i can leave early - but i'm not too sure for how long i can keep this up, but i will try.

so anyway, 5 weeks off first to freak out about it all i want and then it will be back on. i think my reaction to her holiday really threw me off, i have never been this attached before (and my last therapist i saw for 6 years!)

puppet

thank you DF! sorry, i should have probably said update on page 2! will add that now.
thank u for being excited for me i hope i'll get there too.
i hope your boss will still allow you the flexibility that you need. do u mind if i ask - what reasons do u give for this, leaving early, working from home or however you do it, have you had to give specific reasons or is the company culture more about flexible hours anyway?

puppet

Puppet great news about getting weekly sessions.

I’m sorry though that it might only be for a year, is there any specific reason for that – as in, is she saying it can only be for a year, or is that to do with insurance/work? Well even a year is better than nothing I suppose, and you never know, you might not need more than a year! That would be something wouldn’t it.

I’m sorry too about the five week delay – shall we start a club, I’ve just started today on a five week break from therapy (T holiday) and it just seems like such a very very very looooong time to wait. Plenty of time to go through every reason why therapy is Not a Good Idea, conversely plenty of time to do the opposite too Who invented therapist holidays anyway!!!

LL

yay, puppet! I really think that even though this is scary, it will be really beneficial for you. I'm happy for you- I think it really will get better now. (Once you get started that is)

Good for you!

hugs,

BB

Puppet, so glad you were able to get weekly appointments! I think you'll likely see a huge difference when you don't have that big time gap between appointments.

I was in a spot when I started with this T where I had to actually leave work significantly early, which took a lot of schedule rearranging (not like I can leave 25 ten year olds to fend for themselves for the last 45 minutes of the school day!) Thankfully, it was only for a month until I was able to get an after school time slot. My boss was very understanding. Even with the after school time slot, I still have to leave school 10 minutes early, but was able to work it out with another teacher to dismiss my class that one day each week. I'm hoping to keep the same arrangement this year, as my appointment is still the same time slot.

aww, thank you guys for being glad and excited for me! i'm struggling with the 5 week break at the moment and can't feel it yet.

LL - sorry to hear you're on a break too let's do the countdown together! i've never had much of an issue with T's holidays before as i didn't let myself become that attached previously and also I used to take my annual holiday at the same time that my old T did. yes, 5 weeks is a long time and i do the same - go between the extremes of therapy is not a good idea to wishing she was back already.
the one year limit is something that comes from me. when i left my old T (just over a year now) it was meant to be a break of about a year - i moved to a new place for a bit of adventure, kind of to test my wings on my own and hopefully travel and other exciting things. oh well, it hasnt been super exciting so far but i have definetely been testing my wings! so i dont know for sure for how much longer i'll be staying here, but it isn't permanent so neither is any long term work with my new T. but this might be good for me as i'll get off my butt and actually do some work in therapy

DF - i'm glad your work is a bit flexible but your boss sounds like a bit of a bitch

thanks BB, nice to see you!

R2G, thanks and i am glad you have an understanding boss.


feeling better about the break today, almost a week gone, 4 to go.

hugs,
puppet

p.s. wrote this in 2 parts as i didnt get to finish it in the morning - thats why the first and last sentences differ

(((puppet))) Just wanted to say I'm so happy you are able to get the weekly sessions now. I know how hard it can be to not be worrying about the end. I'm glad you're feeling better about the break. I know four weeks is a long time, so I hope you can come around for support whenever it's getting rough!

((yaku)) thank you for your message and sorry i get back to it so late. i have thrown myself into my work... sucks... its been crazy busy at work and i guess it is something to do, keep busy. but cant say i've been enjoying it.
hopefully catch up on the forum in the weekend. hope you're doing ok too!
puppet