(((Cat))) Total BS!

Sorry, that's so frustrating. It's been so rare that I can feel (especially anything other than crippling anxiety or shame, both of which cause me to immediately start numbing out) in front of T, that when it does happen, it's almost like, "Holy $#!+! I have feelings?!?!?"

I feel encapsulated, and safe in my car. That’s the place I have let fly many a loud and long scream during night driving. ( you may have heard?)

I think when there is so much emotion just siting there in our heads, but not accessible to us all at once, we do sometimes feel our sessions have been a waste of time.

Brain can only process/expel pain a wee bit at a time or else we are in danger of "crashing."

Thank god for the hand break!

It matters not where you can vent so much as you can.


.

cat, same here. i do most of my processing outside of therapy. i'm sure at times T thinks i'm totally void of feelings.

I hate it when I get completely frozen because I just saw the clock and I only have 10 minutes left and I haven't gotten anywhere so I go into instant panic/freeze mode.

I ended up crying and being able to express myself... my T for the first time said 'You look just miserable'. (Thanks, man!) I was a quivering mess... by the time I got to the couch.

Thank you guys for commiserating with me. I do spend sooo much time intellectualizing, especially out of therapy that it's so hard. Plus, I feel pushed away right now and scared of some changes coming up. I understand about the clock thing, too - I start trying to get better very fast.

The times I have the most emotions are sitting at home... out of nowhere... petting my cats, in the shower, making dinner, looking on the computer...

I'm also having some stuff in therapy going on right now that I think is... not helping but I can't tell.

And yea........ then there is that black hole of shame after expressing anything

CD - I'm sure your T doesn't think you're void of feelings.... most of those sneaky .... 's know they are in there.

My T tears up now when I fight for my feelings (like bitching about someone not listening to my feelings is a breakthrough - I bitch about things all the time, so this works out well) so we can have one big feeling-y time together. No wonder they don't come back 99% of the time.