I don't know what to say to you, but

You are doing so many hard things and if I heard that kind of feedback, I would really struggle with it too!

Hiya Athenacus,

I think SP's on to something here. When I read your post I did wonder whether this said more about your mum's capacity to tolerate you expressing vulnerability than the actual content of her words, if that makes any sense.

One of the things I've had to learn (the hard way!) about being in T training is that it is very different from other forms of academic training in that you will run smack into your own processes and will see stuff getting acted out both in the relationship with your professors and within the class too. It's kind of inevitable that you will start to feel sensitive to it, and notice it more since everything you are learning is highly relational. I kind of liken it to suddenly having the radio turned on loudly and then being unable to turn the volume down! That's not to say I think you used a 'kid' voice with your tutor. I think we are more likely to do this with our parents than other figures in our lives - but honestly if you did then I don't think it's a terrible thing.

The difference though is that counselling tutors are mostly really experienced practitioners and are not cut from the same cloth as someone you'd run into on, say, a business studies course. For that reason I am not sure you need to force yourself into any type of mould - or appear in a certain way.

I know that I spent a lot of time really filtering what I said in front of my tutors, one woman in particular, and I ended up denying myself a lot of really helpful support by trying to appear like I had everything sorted - and not too needy. I realised afterwards that I had been trying to live up to a lot of ingrained family stuff - childishness or vulnerability was definitely not tolerated well in my family and I was afraid to let my tutors know just how badly I was coping with writing papers. I nearly kicked myself at the end of my second year when my tutor said "Mallard, if I'd known you were going through that, we could have had some extra planning sessions on the phone so you weren't feeling so overfaced"

You literally could have knocked me down with a wet smoked kipper.

Just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. I'm not so sure this is something you need to take to heart - at least not in the way it was intended. I'm presuming your mum is not involved in the counselling profession?

Starting T training is enormous. I honestly cannot stress that enough. You're not expected to be the finished article - nor are you expected to have a handle on all your stuff. Honestly I would be way more worried if you were expressing how wonderful everything is and how easy working with clients is. One of my tutors actually said that to me - under-confidence is way less damaging than over confidence and far easier to fix.

Hope that helped a bit.

first - I think our mothers are related or were in a past life

I find I slip into little girl mode here and there. it really depends where I'm at emotionally, what situation I'm in, and who I am interacting with.

I am often, although not always, able to 'catch' myself in the act - or even know prior to a situation if I may be feeling vulnerable and attempt to adjust my reaction accordingly. it's not easy though.

And with my mom - oh, she tends to just kinda always put me there, just an automatic reaction I have.

on a good note - this is changeable. I have some lovely friends that are willing and able to point out when I'm doing it and therefore it led me to recognizing when it may happen away from them.