I don't know if anyone remembers me....can't believe it has been two years since I was last here posting. I hope you don't mind me stopping in, again, and posting.

I recently went to a new trauma support group where I was the only one who showed up. My T and another were running it together but my T was not there at the beginning. This other T asked me a few questions, Who do you see in the office, How long have you seen them.... When I said three years, her eyebrows went up in surprise and she almost looked horrified. I got an immediate sense of guilt. I started therapy for PTSD (from my son's cancer journey) and three years later I go into a trauma support group and find myself crying in front of a new T. I haven't cried in front of my T in a long while. I must still be hurting, right? I must still need healing, right? When is too much too much. My next session I asked my T if three years was a long time and she nodded yes. I'm feeling like a failure. I'm also going through depression again right now (and a med change). My T did say the part of my PTSD that is still causing me pain is the loneliness and lack of support and unmet needs....that it is a repeat of unmet needs from my childhood and in current life, unmet needs in my marriage....that it is like causing repeated traumatization. The more my husband travels, the more alone I am, the more depressed I get, a drift back into my childhood....

ETA: I want to cut back on therapy (I'm going weekly or every other), kind of for cost reasons alone, but also for the guilt of going for so long....but oh my God, I can't live without her....right now I'm in a three week gap, by choice, cuz my kids are in half days and conferences and fall break from school....and I lay in bed just thinking about her face, our conversations, her voice, her mannerisms, her office, her hugs....

Anyway, thanks for reading.
Ninn