Dear Sadly
Wish I could come over and give you a real hug. I know how much it hurts when they (The T´s) are just busy and minding their own business.
I called my old T last week and told her I´m having a hard time not seeing her ever again.
I asked her if maybe we could meet once a month or something, I told her I thought maybe that would ease my pain, but she said no. Ouch

Dearest Sadly I can feel your pain. Belive me you are not a failure. You are experiencing true and valid feelings. I don´t know your past but I can feel that you have been abandoned and not heard somewhere in your past. That´s why you feel those emotions so strongly now when you are trying to reach out for help from your T.

I think T should not have told you he was to busy to call you. I think you are brave to reach out for what you need, some people will never reach that point in healing.

Wish I could heal your wounds, I know they really, really hurt when someone touches them.

I like your Signature Quote. I am really hurting to day, just like you, I feel I can not do anything, but I will try to live by Dalai Lama´s Quote. If I can just do one thing today, I´ll try to be kind to myself.

I hope you will also try to be kind to yourself today.

Big hug for you
Little Me

Poor Sadly. That's no fun at all...

Oh Little Me, that is so utterly deeply sweet of you. I just went and curled up in bed and cried, feeling like I struggle so much and I try so hard to use my resources and still I am too much for people if they see anything of how I feel....

So kind of you to empathize and so kind of you to offer kind hugs and sympathy. Lets both get through today with lots of kindness to ourselves. I wish I could wear a badge that says "Don't knock me today, I am already down"

My DH texted T and T is now offering to phone, but I texted back saying tomorrow if fine as he said he is busy today and I don't want to annoy him,

Also, shit happens, and I feel i should learn to cope even on the worst days.

But oh, I feel so hurting and so alone and so bereft and such a failure mess of a messed up human being too broken to think or act straight today. Not a good day.

I am so sorry you got rebuffed by your ex T. they really can hit below the belt can't they. I can't think if you told us why your ex t and you ended. Sorry if you did and I have forgotten.

I am trying NOT to go back to bed and cry. I am trying to sort washing, tidy rooms, clean kitchen, all that sort of stuff, just to keep from howling and going further under.

You are right, at least I dare to reach out to my t and ask him for what I want even if I am muddled and not really admitting how much I am hurting. I think my text to him made it appear that I was more okay than I am

Eventually he said he would phone but I felt bad cos he was busy, and so now he has thanked me for being so understanding of how rushed his day is and we are going to talk tomorrow.

I was really pleased that he understood how hard waiting is though, he said "I know it will be hard and I appreciate how much work you put in to getting through sometimes."

that was sweet of him.

I hope we shall speak in the lunch break of the recording tomorrow.

I am a bit shocked how this last weeks events have had me feeling pyhsically really unsteady, like dopamine crashes big time.

I would not know how I would cope if I did not have my t and my DH. I know they keep me going, when I have lost hope.

We talked today and he was so sweet and gave me an hour. He was being locked out of a library at the time and had to rescue his bag so that he could talk to me and not get it locked in. I think he is really kind to me.

He agreed that her email is written in the style that you would write to a client. He then went on to say something really interesting, something I have noted here before:
He said:
Some people in the therapy profession have great difficulty with friendships as they have sort of got a preference to being 'the therapist' - it is serving their needs (sometimes they are hiding their own feelings of inadequacy behind the role)and they don't like being 'equal' with people and you are very aware of that and she kept trying to be 'the therapist' to you and you kept bringing it back to being 'equals' and that make her feel uncomfortable -

It was very observant of him. He also hinted that she is jealous of me (he has met her) and he felt she was both patronising in her manner to me as well as confrontationally abrasive - as though there is a bit of jealousy there that she cannot quite address.

Fascinating. Anyway, I am still grieving but not as incapacitated as the last three days. The recording went so well I was done my two hours in and went and sat out in the sun for a bit instead.

My T is good. He is sound and steady and hopeless on time (I had to tell him today to stop the phonecall and go home LOL) but he knows his job really well.