I am so sorry posting about this again , but I really struggling to know what to do about my T,
like my post here said we had a bump in the road , and I don’t know if I can truly recover from it, we meet last week like I said and now I meet him next week, but I am just thinking , I have been reading about boundaries and post here and I can see myself in many of them how I feel about my T , and in one article on the internet it said sometimes to “shake” people you can like say that you can’t help them and then the patient will show you if she/he truly wants to chance,
I don’t know when he was so angry to me , and he said that maybe he was not the right person , he said some things more , but people are human and T make mistakes like us, and in last session I was like, maybe like you said last time I am just too much hassle and he said “lets just forget last appointment and what happened” I know he was very hurt and angry , and he has helped me so much ,and he is the first T that I have truly trusted and my god do I have enough in my past,
I do have a doctor , and I can never imagine to say these things to !
But like I got a answer last time, we try out our T to see if they are truly there for us, but now, like he said when he was angry “if you are always thinking about killing yourself I can’t help you “(almost screaming at me) And now I am so much afraid to tell him if I think like that!
And now I am trying I think too hard to show some process that I have been better than in months , and when I did talk to him after the angry session I said “do you want me to show you next time how much this Therapy has helped me “ and he said no need to do that, let’s not spend the time in that, we usually have about 60 min, and in next session (last session) I showed him anyway some thinks what has happened in my life , my life got better and my Childs life also, that session lasted 90 min ,
If no one is booked after me he sometimes make the sessions go longer ,and it was also 2 weeks until I will see him again, but after the angry session and me crying like baby, I just feel like what happens if I go over some boundaries, or don’t do well enough, he will finally ,dump me ! I have told him many times I just sometimes not come because then I don’t have to chance , or confront my problems ,
In last session like I did post here that he was frustrated that I was crashing , and he said, he just like wanted to shake me to get a crip and listen ,last session I told him after the angry session I got a kick, but some days I feel bad and want to e-mail him(I haven’t ) ,
it has now been 8 days since last appointment I see him next week, he is like before the angry session, he says that he is happy that I am still in my work, however its only 50 % work, and he is happy that I show him that I want to chance and I do a lot of work like, make a week Schedule for myself like to go to gym and work and that kind of think, but some were deep down I am still struggling, I feel so stupid , but I just wish the T could write it on a paper that he is there for me , and will not give up ,
We did a contract if I feel bad I can e-mail him ,and if I am in serious dancer I can call him on his mobile, but he really does not want that I call him on his mobile, like he said if you have taken some pills and you regret it you can call, and I said not before that, he said , I don’t want that people call me if they are drunk and something’s like that, or cry wolf wolf, I am in some doubt about it all now,
But to be fair I can also e-mail him if I need word of encouragement, like after last session (I am really trying to make a chance in my life, and feel point of living it) I e-mail him and told him that until I see you next time I am going to the gym so x many time, and not use extra med to calm me and so on, and end it with see you in 2 weeks, and he replied with “great …. Now I like where you are going, keep on going (more nice in my language)...Greetings T
But somewhere deep down I want to ask him did you mean it all what you said , It’s just getting hard for me to forget what happened, does anyone know what is going on in my mind, because I can’t , I am just so confused that my head is spinning … Greetings and hugs to you all ..
