This is a good post... Hmm I am in therapy too and it seems to me like I become different ages.. Or I see the world like I would during that time.

I seem to expect my therapist to take care of me and fill the empty place that is there. To comfort me and reassure me. I feel that we are one... like if I was to loose her I would be abandoned and have no identity. I think that is significant, because a child is dependent on their mom or care taker....

Its so complexed and hard. I am sorry you have to work through it, but I hope you have the support you need!

I know that we are supposed to re parent ourselves, but I have also read up on some therapists who use safe touch to re parent us back (in a healthy way). I have read up a lot on that and I may look into that... I worry if I can handle it.... if it will be healing or hurtful... but it sounds interesting

quote:

We're just beginning to work thru the transference. Apparently the infancy stage.

Hey MB- I'm not really familiar with working through transference in any particular order of stage. My stuff just happens and we deal with it as it comes. I'm all over the map- little kid, teenager, what have you. We tend to go through each instance and try to determine where is comes from, but not in any particular order.

Sorry I can't be of more help for you, as far as what to expect, but i would definitely like to hear more about the way you and your T are doing it. Sounds interesting!

-CT

Might the infant just sit silently in the chair representing the non verbal infant? Otherwise, what would the infant do short of being touched, fed....... which in most cases is inappropropriate. Nurtured by the therapist? What would nurtured look or sound like?

Thanks for brainstorming
Wisdom

Hi Megabyte,

Welcome to the forums! When I have been working with feelings from a pre-verbal stage, its almost as if your adult self has to act as a translator. That you be as present as you can be and allow the feelings and bodily sensations (which are all that is stored at that stage) from then to flow through and verbalize them as much as possible since you now have the ability to do so. What you're working toward is to make sense of what happened and to assign a narrative to it. Then you can work through how you felt and your reponse to it which at the time couldn't be done.

AG

I'm not quite sure how to verbalize feeligns that werent there to verbalize....... "I need you", "Please dont go", "im mad at you" is this what you mean? What about the need to be held. Is this verbalized as "I need you to hold me"? or how would the need to be held be communicated?

I needed to be told i was loved. So do I say to my therapist, "I needed to be told I was loved" or "I need to be loved" thereby leaving the resp up to the therapist for loving me.

I know I missed a part of my infancy. But I am unable to verbalize any of it. I can feel it however its not appropriate to verbalize what I am able w/o fear of ........ not sure if this makes sense

Thank you.
MB

quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
Hi Megabyte,

When I have been working with feelings from a pre-verbal stage, its almost as if your adult self has to act as a translator. That you be as present as you can be and allow the feelings and bodily sensations (which are all that is stored at that stage) from then to flow through and verbalize them as much as possible since you now have the ability to do so.

AG

This is what screws me up. I try to make sense of the relationship with my T and everyone around me.. Asking myself is it me or them??? Either I am crazy or they are?? I guess really I am just stuck back in time feeling like I felt as a child.. I hate it =( lol But I am glad to know its normal!

For me.... its very hard for me to talk about it, because I think so many different things. Like I will think people are out to get me and be afraid to talk... or I will really want to talk, but have no idea what to talk about....it sucks

quote:

I'm not quite sure how to verbalize feeligns that werent there to verbalize....... "I need you", "Please dont go", "im mad at you" is this what you mean? What about the need to be held. Is this verbalized as "I need you to hold me"? or how would the need to be held be communicated?

Megabyte,
That's what you're trying to do, let yourself feel the feeling and try to describe it now that you have words. You wouldn't have been able to describe then. As a matter of fact, a really important part of what our attachment figure should do is be so attuned to our needs that when we feel them, they can identify what they are and give us what we need.That's how we actually learn to identify what we're feeling and what our needs are.

You are in a very real sense going back and doing that now. Your therapist helps by paying attention to everything you're communicating in what you say, how you look, your body posture, you're expressions, etc so that they can help you make sense of it.

And yes, you express the feeling by saying "I feel like I need to be loved." That may be followed by "I still feel like I need to be loved." Your therapist cannot give you what you didn't receive then, but they can help you get what you need now to heal from that loss. So instead of "I need you to hold me" you might think of it as "I neeeded to be held and I would like you to hold me." You're T may not be able to hold you, but they can hear and understand you feeling that way.

All of your feelings, however you choose to verbalize or express them are welcome to your therapist. And its ok that you don't know exactly how or when to express them. You're learning that right now and there really is no right or wrong to do that.

And if you can feel it, you can talk about it. Therapy is a place where you can talk about anything. The boundaries are there to keep you from acting out in a way that might be harmful or wrong or inappropriate so that you're safe to look at how you feel and what it says about you and how you live and relate. Within those boundaries are complete freedom to safely look at anything.

quote:

This is what screws me up. I try to make sense of the relationship with my T and everyone around me.. Asking myself is it me or them??? Either I am crazy or they are?? I guess really I am just stuck back in time feeling like I felt as a child.. I hate it =( lol But I am glad to know its normal!

Transferencegirl,
This the heart of therapy and for that matter relationships. We CANNOT know ourselves except in relationship with another human being. We can not "know" on our own. Sometimes our feelings accurately reflect reality and sometimes they are distored through the lens of our past. The only way to find out is to ask the other person, to express your beliefs and feelings and see if it lines up. That's the whole point of the therapist. They're someone who should be more comfortable about being asked. Who won't get defensive in response to your feelings so that you can ask, and being to learn how it works and sort out what's coming from you that may be from your past. They provide you with an accurate mirror so you can learn what you wish to keep and what you wish to change.

AG

Attachment girl, you were so helpful! Thank you for answering my question. Its exactly what I was asking. I had to come back and read it a few times. My therapist follows much of Winicott in relation to transference / countertransference and object relations.

I am not real up to date on theory. Again I appreciate your explaination

Megabyte