Quilter,

I am so sorry your T hasn't called you back. I think you did the right thing by reaching out to her. Is it possible she has just been too busy to respond yet? Or maybe she is sick or out of town? I'm sure if she cancelled the appointment it must be because she has something going on which is making it difficult to fulfill the role of T to the best of her ability. But I doubt it means that she cares any less about you. Hang in there....and try to hold onto all the times your T has been there for you and remind yourself that she is human too and cannot always respond as soon as you would like her to.

Quilter, I totally understand the anxiety and freaking out every time you hear the phone. FWIW, I don’t think you did anything wrong- and technically you were returning her call right? Because she called you first and left a voicemail, so then you returned her call. If I’m freaking out waiting for a call back I normally try and distract myself and then also remind myself a lot that him calling me back has nothing to do with me, I didn’t do anything wrong in calling him, it all just depends when he’s available. There are a million reasons why a T can’t call back that doesn’t have anything to do with being mad or angry at us.

It really depends how often I call my T… For a couple weeks I might call him every other day, and then not call him again for 2 months. He normally gets back to me quickly or if he can’t till later that night or the next day he will send me a text saying he’s sorry and asking if I still want to talk. He encouraged me to call this week before his vacation if I needed to check in to make sure he hasn’t turned back into Robo-T.

M.

Quilter,

I hope that your T has called back by now. I can understand that anxiety in waiting for that call back. You didn't do anything wrong in reaching out and there are a million reasons why your T might not have had a chance to return your call yet that have nothing to do with you. I know that it is still hard though. (((hugs)))

I used to hardly ever call my T. Then I would call her maybe every other week or so between sessions. Then we switched to texting and for a while it was only every few weeks or even months. Then it was once or twice a week and lately it's been many times per week, but nothing crazy. It really depends on what is going on. My T is very generous with her contact policy and allows me to leave messages on her VM, call her during office hours and I can text whenever as long as it isn't the middle of the night. I can also call her cell, but usually I just text because it is easier.

Thanks everyone for your replies! Unfortunately, I have not heard back yet
I called yesterday morning. Things were canceled due to the bad ice storm we had.
I think that today might be her day off... but the number I called was her cell phone so ???
I am in a really bad place right now. I feel horrible about making this call. I am so embarrassed that she hasn't called back... I am trying to be rational and think about all the reasons- maybe she didn't get the message? maybe she doesn't return calls when she is not working? But immediately my mind jumps to the more irrational reasons. I am pretty sure I can't go back next week unless I hear from her.

Quilter,

I completely understand how you would feel embarrassed. Perhaps another way of looking at it is that she sees you as someone who is strong enough to get by without her. It may not be clear to her how much you needed to hear back from her. Perhaps you have presented yourself as strong and independent and it simply did not occur to her just how big of a deal it was to reach out to her. She clearly doesn't understand how much you need to hear back, for if she did, I am certain she would have called you back by now.

Most importantly, please know that whatever the reason for her lack of response, it is not a reflection of you but is simply a reflection of her.

What specifically did you say in your message you left for her yesterday?

Quilter I am sorry you are in such pain over this. I do know the agony of waiting and wondering if you did the wrong thing. Could she possibly be without power from the storm? Maybe her cell phone died and she never got your message. Did she say why she was cancelling you? Did you specifically tell her to call you back? Once I emailed my oldT with a question and I was in a really unstable place and I didn't hear back from him for days. Then he coincidentally called me to change the time of my appointment and by then I was sure he wanted to be rid of me and I got enough courage to ask about the email. At first he didn't even remember it and then he wrote back that he didn't realize that I needed a response! He thought my question was rhetorical. Geesh!

My T now is very open about communication and he has told me if I dont' get an email response within 24 hours I need to resend the email. As for phone calls... he uses a beeper and will usually call back within a half hour. He told me to beep him again if I don't hear from him within an hour. This really helps me to know his boundaries and if what I am doing is okay.

I think you need to have an open discussion on her contact policy to avoid this anxiety you feel in the future. Whatever her reason for not calling, I am really sure it has nothing to do with how she feels about you. Try to hang in there.

And BTW, welcome to the Board.
TN

Quilter,

Hope you T got back to you and you are feeling better by now. Even if she hasn't gotten back to you, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Quilter,

how are you doing today? Have you heard back from T yet? Thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.

Thanks so much everyone, for your responses! Hearing everyone's opinions really helped me sort my thoughts out and wait (patiently) for the phone call. She finally called back Friday morning. She left me a message and said she had been out of town and was very sorry she hadn't called back. She told me to call if I needed to talk at 12. So I called back then, left a calmer message this time but saying I still really wanted to talk and didn't hear back for the rest of the day. And then obviously the weekend she wasn't returning calls. For about 2 hours, when I heard the first message about her being out of town and sorry she hadn't called, I felt better, like she cared about me. Then after calling back and not hearing back- I feel alot of anger. If she was really sorry for not being able to call back the first time, wouldn't she make a greater effort the second time to make sure and return my call before a weekend? I am actually in a better place than I was last week (nice, relaxing weekend).. but I just wonder what is going to happen with this situation. Will she return my call Monday or just wait until our session on Thursday? And if she doesn't call and I go see her Thursday... how am I going to bring up how bad this telephone tag made me feel?

Quilter,

I was right there with you in seeing that she was sorry and it was out of her control that she didn't get the first message and call back until I read that she didn't call the second time. Why would she tell you to call at 12 and then not answer and not call back? That is odd and I would want to talk to her about it.

The way you bring it up is by doing just that. You say that you would like to review her contact policy because what happened this past week was very upsetting for you. I know that isn't easy, but I think it is important to be direct and get some clarification.

(((hugs))) I'm glad to hear you are in a better place at this point.

Quilter,

What a roller coaster! I am so sorry that you have had this experience with her. one minute you are feeling good that she reached out to you and then the next minute she flaked on you. I am very sorry that happened. I would most definitely bring this up with her, otherwise you are going to push it aside and it will later manifest as resentment. It may feel awkward and uncomfortable to discuss this with her now, but I do think it is best to sort through this now.