But I'm desperate. I've never been in this "place" before.
I had a pretty good day - lunch and a movie with one of my only good friends. My morning was rocky - an appointment that generally runs on time was over an hour late, and the waiting room was anxiety-attack-inducing loud (but I had no meds with me to calm the attack, so I rode it out, semi-successfully.)
Anyway, I really did not eat well today. I think I over ate - waffle for breakfast, power bar for snack, salad and sweet potato for lunch, and then popcorn with no butter at the movies. To top it off, I came home and had a chunk of chocolate chip cookie.
Now I feel sick, like I need to force all I ate out of my system. I don't throw-up, but I do know that if I drink the apple juice that is in my fridge (for a little girl I babysit) I will be violently ill. And at this moment, I want to drink the entire bottle of juice so I can get rid of all the crap I ate today. Which would not be the best thing to do. Or a good thing. At all.
But I'm desperate. I feel so out of control right now I'm actually nervous. It's not anxiety, though, which is why I haven't taken a xanax, it's something weird, spacey almost. I'm sick to my stomach, but I want to eat more junk. This is a scarily new sensation.
Suggestions? Please?