((((Brokes))))) Thinking of you...

That is really sad Brokes. You can see where a lot of injury has come from. Have you ever tried to find that teacher - to find out as an adult what happened?

Hi Brokes, I'm sorry the pain has come back anew for you this week. Losing an attachment figure is horribly painful. I know this first hand when I lost my T when he chose to abandon me. It is the worst pain that very few understand. I think the most helpful thing you can do is to share the story... here with us and also with your T. You need to do this over and over until the grief lessens. I think you never had the chance to properly mourn your loss back then. Don't give up on discussing this with your T. Tell her how urgent this feels to you and how it has impacted future relationships.

And you can always write about it here. I think that is a good start.

TN

Brokes,

Wow. Your story really resonated with me. At 12 years old I too had a wonderful teacher who would take a special interest in me. Making me teary writing about it.

Though I did not go through directly the same experience as yourself, I really really resonate about how you were watched like hawks and how you used to indulge in your music to escape the pain.

I would sing to my music for hours with my door closed. I wanted Mariah Carey to be my mother.

Gosh, it's choking me up to write this even.

I was thinking about how I cannot even think of hugging T because it would be too overwhelming. Would make me cry so much to hug her. I cannot trust easily. It hurts.

Brokes I wish I had some experience myself to comment on what you’re feeling – but I’ve never been attached to anyone so can only imagine how you felt and how the loss is affecting you now.

I will say that your mother and sister were totally wrong in how they treated you, and it makes me sad to think that your teacher was pressured into distancing herself from you. In schools though, parents reign supreme (to a point.)

Are you wondering whether it was entirely your mother’s doing, or whether your teacher herself had some part in her withdrawal from you? Forgive me if that’s poking an open wound, it just sounds as if you have a need to know and understand what really went on back then and your teacher not giving you answers has left it all unresolved.

I’m going to say the obvious here – of course you need to talk more about this with T. There’s a lot of stuff in this story that maybe your T needs to know about, that would help you enormously to be able to talk more openly about.

I’m sorry it still affects you badly (((( Brokes ))))

LL

Hugs to you Brokes



LL

(((Broken))) I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can kind of relate, from a distance, because some of my parts have revealed stuff about the closest thing I had to an AF which has pretty much abolished the safety I had internalized there.

Your story makes me glad that my family was never involved in my schooling whatsoever. I had a lot of teachers like that and a school counselor in middle school who reached out to me, but I immediately refuted anything was bad or otherwise avoided them contacting my family, though there were some close calls. It makes me so angry at your mom and sister and even a little at the teacher, who obviously initially had good intentions. I'm sad for the little girl who found someone safe and had her robbed away again.

Brokes, I can only say it was ignorance and self-centeredness that had your family acting in such an abusive way towards you. Your mother only cared about herself and how things made HER look and obviously your sister only wanted to please your mother and keep your mother on her "side" and she went along with it. I also think your mother was jealous of what this teacher could provide you that she couldn't. She may also have been jealous of the kind attention that you got and maybe your mother wanted that attention herself.

I am glad you are writing about this here and I would hope you take some of this back to session and talk about it more. When you talk it over with a T and you process it, then it loses it's power to hurt you and hurt the little kid inside of you that is the one that holds this pain. She's still 12.

What happened was abuse and it's sad that such a positive, helpful experience of attachment to this teacher was made into something sordid or worthy of their disapproval.

I'm sorry for your pain.

TN

Brokes darling, I feel for you. Gosh, I never had a mother figure in my childhood as well.

I was talking to my T about it and I cried quite a bit when she said that I never had a mother figure. It kind of hit me how important a mother figure is to a child and not having it can be debilitating for the child.

Sometimes I look at mother's with they're children all happy and want to cry. I missed out on that big time.

I'm so so sorry to hear what happened to you at school. That is terrible. I don't understand why people can be so bad to kids like that. Ganging up on a child is disgusting.

I told my T a session ago that she fits the role of teacher sometimes because I used to admire some of my female teachers so much. There were three prominent ones. One of them I liked and she turned against me suddenly for no reason. I had no idea why. I remember walking behind my friends and crying a lot because she was so different to what she had been. It's like I had lost someone. There were three female teachers in my secondary school. They all had the same traits. They were very down-to-earth, had a very kind and approachable way about them, helpful and compassionate. Everything I missed. Chokes me up to think about it actually.

No child should go through these pains. It makes me very sad.xxx