That is an interesting topic number9. I have always found it rather strange that I have never been angry with the people that did things to me. I was angry and ashamed of myself, but never angry at them. I can get really angry about other trivial things yet never angry at them for altering my very being, which has left me with so much heartache. I've tried to be angry with them, but I can never get there. When my T left me I tried so hard to be angry with her, but I can't - I'm tremendously hurt, but not angry. Logically I think I should be angry with her, and logically I think I even have reason to be angry, but the anger seems to remain suppressed with all my deepest hurts and yet I get angry with the people I love, and I wish I didn't but I do.

Is there anyone else that feels like that?

Thanks so much for speaking up about it/sharing. Interesting, isn't it? I find that if I can't express anger about something, it turns into depression later.

Does it help to tell the person that hurt you that you feel hurt by what they did? Anger often motivates us to do just that. Do you ever feel angry later, or does it ever turn into depression?

I'm almost angry that T's get let off the hook so much even though they are the ones that seem to think it's so damn important to express anger. I'm a little pissed right now, I almost want to rally everyone to make their T's more accountable for their own stuff, as it seems to be causing some collateral damage.

More thoughts on this?

number9,

I liked the article also. I had to deal with my anger when I entered therapy. I learned how to use my anger correctly and that anger was a natural emotion.

I could relate to how learning why I was angry and how to use anger in a healthy way ... anger is not bad, it's an emotion.

kansas

Kansas:

Excellent! Your comment gives me hope.

Number9, I don't see the people that hurt me anymore. I've moved far away. Did my anger/hurt turn to depression? Yes. For the most part controlled depression, if you can even understand what I mean by that. I am this person who remains "in control" when I am with people.

As for my T, I let my frustration out on her a few times when she was treating me in the beginning, and she basically told me to stop or I could find someone else. When she later did leave me (many months later) it had nothing to do with me being angry. I only ever said nice things to her, so I really don't understand. I wish I could just %$#*$# understand what I did.

Maybe I am angry with her and that is why I am now so depressed. Maybe I am depressed because I wish she could understand how much she has hurt me. Maybe I'm scared to be angry with her because somehow I just wish in the bottom of my heart that she would come back to me, and if I got angry with her, I would be burning the last bit of hope that I had (even though I know she will never change her mind). I suppose it doesn't even matter anyway. She doesn't care and I'm depressed, and somehow life just goes on.

B2W

B2W:

I am very sorry that this has happened to you. I want to give this more thought than I can provide right now. You deserve some real acknowledgement.

(((((BORN2WRITE))))))



Liese

(((b2w))) that sounds awful what your T did to you. it DOES matter. i'm so sorry.

number9, i've been bypassing anger my whole entire life! perhaps not with the desired outcome but still...

i'm with b2w ... i don't believe i've ever been angry with those that have wronged me. somehow i've always made it my fault. and of course turned to depression. but seriously, just the thought of getting angry is just so foreign to me i don't even know if i ever could. i know i should, but dont' know if i ever could.

Hi all,

Check out the book I spoke about in the forum.

Thanks number9, closed doors and Liese. I have a lot to work out.