Hi Scars09 and welcome....

Kindness can be even more difficult to deal with than harshness at times. I think it's because we are used to harshness and abuse and when someone takes the time to be kind and positive towards us we do not know how to handle it and it makes us very emotional.

I'm glad you had such a positive review. Keep working on accepting kindness with your T and you will, in time, feel more comfortable with it.

TN

I'm also glad about your positive review.

When people compliment or praise me (or comfort or encourage, etc. etc.), I feel like they're stabbing me. Part of it is what TN said and other parts are a lot of other reasons, but you're definitely not alone. I will actually fight back when I've been complimented, try to argue people out of praise. It takes a lot of intention and focus for me to say something like, "Thank you so much; I've been working really hard on ______, so I'm glad I'm making progress," or whatever. T said I argued him five times in a row the other week, in between two different sessions, why he was wrong about positive assessments of my skills and character. So, while I don't usually cry, I do have a very bizarre reaction to praise, and it's so automatic that even if I don't argue verbally, my T has pointed out sudden extreme changes in my posture, expression, body language, etc. due to the anxiety that positive interactions like that produce. Sometimes he jokingly apologizes for whatever nice thing he says, but the way he teases with me is a kind way that he points out what I'm doing, so I can be aware without feeling the need to beat the crap out of myself for it.

(((Scars))) I have trouble with this, too. Anytime I'm complimented, I'll "accept" the compliment, but I immediately write it off in my head. My T knows I can't take too much in the form of compliments, either, and will literally ask me if she can say something nice to me. Regardless, congrats on the positive appraisal. It's not stupid at all to feel uncomfortable about it, but I have no doubt that you deserve it.

((scars)) I really understand your feelings there - I'm glad though that even despite it being difficult... it was able to touch you. I think tears can teach us so much about ourselves.

I have a hard time with compliments about some things, over time there are things I have learned that my opinion (most of the time) is positive too. One of the things I learned in DBT (a sort of "life skills" type of group therapy I did for my eating issues) is that when people give compliments most of the time they are genuine... and I think people can FEEL when they are. Anyway, we talked about how invalidating it can feel for the person giving the compliment - for example if I tell someone something I truly believe about them and they say no no no... the situation changes "flavor" in a way. I feel bad for hurting them. So anyway, I've learned that when someone compliments me no matter how much I disbelieve I will TRY to say thank you. And I think that tells myself, subconsciously on some level, it's like me saying to myself "you are good". So I think compliments are both about receiving from others and ourselves. If we can't give to ourselves, it's very very hard to take a compliment because our internal message is "yea but..." or something negative.

Anyway I'm rambling but I try to see compliments as positive energy whether they are true or not (the compliment itself). So I try to take that in, not necessarily the words. That's where I started...in accepting graciousness, learning how to give graciousness to myself also. One of the DBT skills is to actually compliment someone ELSE when you're feeling low because it really can be a positive experience there too.

I say all this and I probably do it... 25% of the time I get a compliment, the rest... it's hard, it does hurt.