((Scars))

I assume that your T was meaning emotional closeness.
As someone with avoidant tendencies my T has
asked similar questions to me. I think you are
on the right track already. I see emotional
closeness as being able to share your innermost
thoughts; your greatest fears; your most hidden
feelings etc with another person without shame
or embarrassment knowing that that person will
still love you and care for you regardless.

I guess it is all based on trust in some way; how
much you trust the other person and also how
emotionally available you are yourself. T assures
me that I am not emotionally unavailable but I
do struggle with emotional closeness.
I dont know if that helps at all; but T likened
it to feeling totally comfortable with someone
whilst being emotionally naked before them!!

AV

Thanks for that, when I read the last line I felt a shiver down my spine, interesting reaction.

I guess that I do have emotions but I just don't know how to express them or describe them!

I think you are right with the trust issue, I don't know why I have a problem with trust, as far as I can remember I have never been betrayed but I suppose through childhood, not talking to anyone or my parents not talking to me plays a part. I don't know, have to think carefully on that one.

Scars.

Again I think you might be right. My mother never
talked to me at all as a child. In fact she will
only ever talk 'at' me as an adult! Not talking
to too many other kids either as we lived in a
very remote area didn't help either. So learning
to trust; and how close to allow someone to get
is all new to me too. Work in progress as they
say.

Work in progress, a blank canvas but no template to work from, I presume that is why we now need our counsellors etc. We now have to choose the colours and mediums to put onto the canvas before we become a whole and our own person.

Had my session and explained what I thought a close relationship was, because I had voiced this I felt like my stomach went into knots, the adrenalin started to flow and I felt absolutely horrible. He asked me how it felt and that we should name the emotion so we know what it is next time it happens. Well it was fear, my description of the relationship made me fearful....Opening up to someone, well I don't want to feel like that again. But I suppose as the sessions progress it will be back. I wonder what other emotions will come up that I will have to name?

We also discussed avoidance, with holding and resistance, they are my feelings that I hide behind, he wants to take them away!!!

(((Scars)))

well done for allowing yourself to feel the fear. Having confronted it once and survived, do you think it will be a little easier next time that emotion comes up?

Resistance. That's interesting because that's a word that my T has used toward me many times, e.g. "I sense that there is a lot of resistance to that idea" etc. Although I think I was wanting to hide from taking certain actions rather than allowing myself to feel certain emotions.