Hey Liese, that is an important lesson for her to learn and you now see how much you have grown too. The teen years are very challenging. Hang in there.

TN

(((Liese))) That is an amazing gift to give your child and I'm so glad you've both gotten to reap the rewards of your relationship growing closer.

((((Liese)))) i could have written this about a year and a half ago (actually, am still going through this!)

i absolutely do struggle with how i've grown in therapy as well, and whenever T starts talking about how different i am, i tend to think he's full of sh*t. am i selling myself short? perhaps.

about a year and a half ago or so, my daughter was SO angry with me that she kicked a hole in the wall. i would NEVER have expressed such anger in my youth! so, i was actually quite impressed and *happy* that she was comfortable enough to express such powerful feelings. she didn't learn them from me!!

and from that, we had some discussion, and we fixed the wall together, and it was a bonding moment and wonderful and i thought " i never had this kind of moment with either of my folks ".

and, same as you ... i'm learning a ton from T ... it's such a slow process! but i'm also learning a ton from folks here on the forum, in ways you'd never even think.

so, go on, us!!! it's a wonderful place for alot of reasons!

((Liese))

Wow! that is powerful and something to really cherish as a really positive experience! I learned just from reading your post, it dawned on me that I haven't even considered feeling safe with anger as something that was possible. Now I have some deep thinking to do, and a new task to add to the list... You should be so proud of seeing all your work paying off

AH

That was lovely to read. I'm really happy for you and your daughter! Even if learning to relate to her in this way was *all* you ever got from therapy, it would be worth it.

Thanks everyone. I really meant it when I commented on how much I've learned here. The best part was the relief on her face when I said that our relationship was stronger than a little bump in the road. It's cool to look at this stuff from an emotional regulation standpoint and know in the moment that she needs me to stay steady for her.

((Liese))