(((TAS))))

I think about it the same way Draggers does. I'm starting to understand just how much I used to?? project. For instance, I have a lot of social anxiety but I didn't know it. I know it sounds weird. Instead of dealing with my social anxiety, I used to think other people were anxious around me when in fact it was me that was anxious.

You asked about feelings that you have about others that you place on your therapist - that sounds more like transference. Transference and projection are very similar and can be hard to tell apart.

I'm starting to come out of the nightmare of living solely in my emotional states/memories. But when I was there, it was very hard for me to tell which thoughts were projections or transference because it all seemed so real. How could it be a projection when I was so certain that my T was anxious around me? IDK, for me it was like living with a blue (random color) ink dye injected into my brain and seeing everything through the ink dye. Now, the ink dye is still there but it's only a part of what's there so now I can distinguish better between what I see through the ink dye and all the wonderful new stuff I'm learning. (I'm being facetious a bit here.)

I hope that helps.

Thank you Dragonfly and Liese I was wondering if projection and transference were the same so you answered my questions about that. I thank you!

I have been struggling with this belief that my therapist hates me. It is so real to me even though he tells me that there is nothing he has done to support that fear or belief. That is entirely true and yet, I don't understand why it feels so real. I even told him this week just to tell me if he hates me and I will go. No questions asked. That I would be fine and would completely understand if he hated me.

I asked him if this was part of the process and he said it was part of my process. He said he is here for the duration.

Thank you each for taking time to reply! I appreciate you both!

T.

TAS you sound like you may be "projecting" your own feelings of self-hatred onto your T. You may have some things that you cannot tolerate in yourself but instead you believe that these feelings are coming from your T. They are not.

BTW, you are fortunate to have what sounds like a VERY good, knowledgeable and steady T. This is exactly what you need and if you keep pushing ahead with him you will get better.

TN

Thank you True North!

This is all so confusing to me. It's as if I can not bear to keep telling him that he hates me and yet it is so real to me. I don't want to keep accusing him of hating me when he has specifically told me he doesn't over and over again.

I am not looking for a way out...It just seems so challenging to go and speak with someone whom you are convinced hates you. I am trying to find a way to work this out. I have yet to talk to him face to face about it...I think I would just break down and cry.

I texted him and told him that he could refer me out...because if I can't get over this belief that he hates me, I don't know how therapy can work. Yet, I know that if I go to someone else...the same thing would happen.

I am still fighting. Here's to better days ahead.

T.

Dragonfly,
I am definitely going to think about what you said. I am having a hard time telling where any of my feelings are coming from and who they are to be directed at.

Definitely will have to dig deeper into this...and not give up. I'm sure you can relate with your experience with your first T...I hope I am not being too forward to asked why you are no longer with her? I only ask hoping that it wasn't due to the negative transference. If too sensitive of a question, no need to reply. I completely understand

Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it.

TAS,
In my experience I had to put some of my projectiions to the side because they are about me and try to focus on whatever topic I'm there to talk about. I would tell her that "this is the same old story as I've told you before that you won't want to hear." She asked is that you who doesn't want to hear yourself say it again or is that for me?...I answered it was for her but later I realized that I didn't want to hear myself say it again. Not quite sure if that is the same thing but I believe it could be. I have finally come to believe that she really will listen to stuff over and over again and I'm welcome to come as long as I like and I find between sessions that I still want to question her but finally I'm able to believe her and focus more on what I'm there for.

I don't know if that is helpful but use it if it helps.

Hopeful

Thank you Hopeful! I have been with Therapist now for a year (I can't even bring myself to put the word "my" before Therapist...)and sometimes I get so frustrated with myself...

I will keep in mind what you said about putting the projection aside...sometimes I feel it ties into trauma from my past...so I am not sure if that is a positive thing as far as working out those feelings or not...

Thanks for your input! Here's to better days ahead T.

Dragonfly! So sorry all of that happened. What a learning experience that must have been. Boundaries can seem negative at times...but ultimately, I guess they serve their purpose in keeping us safe, yes?

I hope things are going better for you now, and thank you for sharing your story!

To better days,
T.