PTSD and sensory integration

janedoeMember

Hi all,

I'm sort of embarassed to post about this because I don't read or know anyone who struggle with this at all... and I dunno, it is just somehow really embarassing for me right now... but maybe I'm not so alone... or maybe I am... but this is a part of my struggle with PTSD and I know there is nothing shameful about it and I hope that by posting this here, I can start to accept where I am and work with myself where I am at, intead of pushing myself to be further than I am and just setting myself back.

I have PTSD and I have pretty intense sensory integration issues that come up when the PTSD is worse. Here's an atircle that explains what I am talking about better than I can: http://www.ehow.com/about_5744...essing-disorder.html

It gets better at times, but at other times, it is tough. I have come to the realization that right now, I can't move to a big city because of it. I like big cities, but all the noise and sights and sounds leave me litterally dizzy and sick to my stomach right now. I can do it for a day, but then the second day... I'm a mess about to cry or panic just because the sights and sounds are too much. Not the people, and it's not abot triggers - I jsut get exhausted with so much stimulating sensory input.

I live in a smaller city outside of a big city now, and think I need to stay in a small city for a little longer. This really disappoints me because there are some great opportunieis I could pursue if I could handle living in the big city right now - but I don't think I'm there yet.

I think maybe if I keep at the work I'm doing in therapy, then I'll get to a better place to handle it all. Or maybe I'll never get to a place where I can live in a big city and not feel bombarded to the point of dizziness by all the sensory input.

The more work I do on the PTSD, the better the sensory integration gets. But when it gets harder, like I am more jumpy becase I'm sorting through trauma, a noisey room is a nightmare to me. It's fine for a couple of hours, and then it starts getting really hard.

Touch - outside of the PTSD triggers - is also a mixed thing for me. I really like deep steady touch (of course when it is safe touch only). A steady hug feels good. But a light hand brushing on my arm, or certain fabrics on my skin, drives me nuts. When I am more emotionally solid and struggling with the PTSD less, the light brushing type of touch, or every kind of fabric, doesn't bother me at all. It is so frustrating! I want to be more even and normal... but I'm not...

And the sensory part of my PTSD is really affecting my life right now. I want to do things that I can't do for very long - like stay in a big city, be with friends at a noisey restaurant... For the most part, I can "fake" it enough that most of my firends have no idea. Only two do, and two of my family members. They understand why I will go outside to just breathe. I want to be with the people inside, I just need a break from so much sensory stuff. These two friends and my two family members will just naturally find quite restrauants and the like, just because I feel more ok and I'm so much more outgoing there. In other settings, I get so overwhelmed by the sensory stuff I shut down and get very quiet. Most people think I'm just shy in groups, but that's not it at all.

I just wish it was easier. I am so sick of the PTSD, and right now, I'm especially tired of this and not sure what to do anymore. I'm also deeply sad to realize that I just can't move to the big city right now.

I probaby sound like I am really weird, but hardly anyone in my life can tell I struggle this much with this. But I do. And I totally melted down after staying in a big city and trying to imagine living there. I can visit, easily for days... but to stay there, day and in day out... I can't do it. It makes me feel so fried in every way. Last night, I actually started to dissociate just because the sensory input was too much and had to call my T. I litterally got really dizzy and disoriented - and that is really unusual for me in the smaller town I live in (by "small" town I mean 100,000 people). I told my I was ok, just overwhelmed in a sensory way. She helped me imagine a field, and to close my eys and plug my ears and do some other very sensory input eliminating things, and in an hour, I was grounded and ok - and in tears, feeling so disappointed that I can't hanlde it better yet. My nervous system just isn't there.

Does anyone else struggle with sensory integration related to PTSD?

~ jane

2/2/129:29 AM

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bltMember

I think I've struggled with sensory integration even when it had nothing to do with PTSD. Some people are more sensitive than others and this runs in my family. For example, I think it's my grandmother who can't wear socks because they drive her insane. My mom can't be in a room with too many screens showing different things. Personally, I can't stand loud parties with lots of chaos going on and I have to keep excusing myself to get some air. So I wouldn't think you're a freak at all with this, FWIW, but I hope it keeps improving so you can do more of the things you want to do!

2/2/129:39 AM

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laurakMember

I don't but sometimes a city can just feel overwhelming to anyone. Its also probably something you can get used to. When I first moved to the big city it was too much concrete and hustle bustle now I dont even notice it.

LK

2/2/1211:10 AM

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Attachment GirlAdmin

(((Jane)))) I don't think I've experienced it to the level you have, but I've definitely dealt with it. I get seriously claustrophic in large crowds for instance. The other situation I find really difficult is a room full of noisy people, especially of kids. Things very quickly start to feel out of control and like something really bad is about to happen. I have a serious flight reaction which kicks in.

When I am really activated I have trouble taking anything in but especially listening to speech becomes very difficult. It's like I can hear the person talking but have to focus tremendously in order to understand what they're saying and even then I usually can't retain it for very long.

I know it's frustrating to be limited by this, but you're doing exactly what's necessary. You're choosing environments that aren't too triggering. As you continue to work in therapy and become more integrated, that will include you ability to handle sensory input. I don't know if it's true for you, but I was so seldom present in the moment when I started healing that of course nothing was getting in. It fits with my memories. I have very little concrete memories and what I do have are either just emotions or sensations or incredibly brief flashes. I think I was often so dissociated that I actually didn't take in sensory input. It's almost like I short circuited a developmental stage. when I should have been learning to sort through all that input, I was instead shutting down the data stream, so there was no practice in learning to deal with it. For someone with PTSD, part of what gets heals is going back to recover this kind of developmental learning.

AG

2/2/1211:53 AM

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pinglesMember

Hi Jane
Yep I deal with this too. I live in a big city because I don't have a choice not to right now and there are times when it all gets too much sensory wise and I then don't go out at all because I physically cant stand the noise - its almost painful to hear. I can't stand being touched either by anyone which can make travelling to and from work a challenge to say the least, other times I just avoid things which I know will trigger me until I'm in a better place to maybe work through the trigger. Hope it helps to know you are not alone with this - take care

2/3/126:39 AM

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yakusokuMember

I can definitely relate. For me, it's mostly with noise, and it's noticeable to others around me that I pick up on and can get overwhelmed with combinations of sounds that everyone else ignores. However, if I can stand it, it also means that I can pick up my friend's baby crying in another room while we watch the football game, the older kids are playing noisily, adults are chattering away, cooking, H is playing a video game, etc. So, I guess it's not all bad. I always assumed it was a completely physiological thing, but I suppose it could have psychological origins as well as the two are nearly always linked.

Cat, it's funny that your T told you that the experience was like some people have on drugs. I just had someone else tell me the same thing last month when I described some of what my dissociation stuff had been feeling like. Great, I never tried any drugs, but at least now I get to know what I wasn't missing.

I can sometimes get overwhelmed by textures, but it is intermittent, not necessarily always the same thing. What I DO have at times is a hyper-awareness of my body that is so overwhelming I feel like I might throw up and pass out. I will be walking or jogging and all of a sudden, I feel like I am aware of all the different movements that go into the actions, aware of having to time my breathing right, aware of having to make my eyes work, etc. I usually have to stop and just stand there to regain equilibrium. If I ever do start thinking about any automated body systems it tends to dysregulate me in this way. It has happened a few times when Boo has run away from me while we're on a walk and I needed to chase her down to make sure she didn't run into the street, and that has been really scary. Again, I always thought it was something physiological, but as I've gotten to know what dissociation is like, more and more I think it is related. Instead of everything being fuzzy and my being numb, everything is just TOO realized. I don't know if that makes sense.

Edit: I just read the link you shared, Jane, and it's funny that one particular young part's experience is almost exactly this...

quote:
Speech is often reduced to one word sentences with little to no eye contact. This inability to properly communicate often becomes the victim's medium of processing trauma (i.e. the victim's method of coping).

Sometimes, it is just head shake or nod and whimper, to tell the truth.

My poor T.
...and that one is also in line with the wanting to be touched and talked to all the time.

Not saying it's necessarily related, but when I read the article, it jumped out to me about my therapy experience with this particular one.

2/3/128:32 AM

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athenacusMember

Yes, Yes, I have this type of thing too.
I've had it ever since I can remember. During elementary school tv's buzzing in the next room would bother me. Florescent light bulb buzzes and other children and their noises irritated me as well. As I got older I could control it a bit more unless I was under a lot stress and then things would get to me again. I can't wear wool either. My entire family has issues with fabrics/textures, sights and sounds.

Just the other day I visited my children for lunch at their elementary school and I thought I was going to pass out. I got so dizzy! I started having a panic attack, I think. There were too many visually stimulating things (too many kids moving around) and chattering from the children. There was also a boy with special needs yelping and hollering really loudly. I'm not making fun of him, of course. I'm just stating a fact. I thought I was going to throw up.
I know I'm anxious this week due to a lot of things going on in my life, so I know the sensory stuff is getting to me more. I'm thinking of talking to T about this at my next appointment.

Anyway,

to those who have this too!