Hi TAS

I did exactly that this fall and it was extremely helpful. I was experiencing strong transference that was unbearably painful and also felt hurt by some actions and comments by T. I knew that I needed to discuss these issues with him, but I was overcome with humiliation and felt ridiculous for being so sensitive. I just could not talk to him about it. Could. Not. Then it became all I could think about and I was miserable.

My T had recommended a colleague of his that he really respects for a friend of mine and I made an appointment with her without telling him. It was particularly helpful for me for several reasons. First, it was just a great relief to be able to spill all the thoughts and concerns I had been alone with. I had no inhibitions and could say everything frankly to her unlike w my main T. Secondly, because she knew him well (including his idiosyncrasies) she completely understood where I was coming from and could help me try to make sense of what was happening in the room between us. But most importantly, talking with her helped me find away to broach certain topics with him. Trying to figure out what is really happening when you're emotionally wrought is such a clumsy process and with such raw emotions i felt so vulnerable. But after meeting with her (probably about 3 times), I was able to present a picture of what I thought was happening to T in a way that wasn't as humiliating to me. It is still baby steps, there are still things I haven't discussed with my main therapist that I know I should. But it brought such relief to talk with consult T I really regretted not doing it sooner.

I should add that I did tell my main T shortly after meeting with consult T and he was very supportive. We've both found it has been helpful to he process. I felt really crazy to see a consult T to discuss problems in my relationship with T and in hindsight regretted waiting so long to do it. I would encourage you to not wait like I did and find a consult T if you can't talk to your main T or just feel really stuck with him/ her.

Take care!

Thank you TheShins. I will definitely be calling another Therapist to sort this out Thank you for sharing your experience. I know what you mean about feeling crazy seeing a consult T to discuss feelings with current T. The thought has crossed my mind a time or two. But, I need to get some things remedied if I am going to move forward with current T.

Thank you once again. I haven't seen you on the boards before...I have been away for a bit, but welcome!

All the best,
T.