Hi Canard,

It's nice to meet you. I am not an expert and so I'm answering your question from personal experience. My H's sister was the youngest of 4. Their mother had a psychotic breakdown shortly after his sister was born. Not sure exactly when. But his sister, the youngest, got next to nothing from the Mom. And on top of it, the 3 older siblings picked on her. I think I read that sometimes in dysfunctional families one child can become the scapegoat and my H's sister was definitlely it.

She is a lovely and wonderful person who struggles horribly with life and relationships and has pretty much secluded herself because she can't cope with the pain. She has tried therapy but can't tolerate the attachment feelings it brings up for her so she runs. She is the only one of the four that isn't married. I do think that, depending on the circumstances, one child could be affected in a deeper way than the others.

Even though my mother did not suffer a psychotic or nervous breakdown, in my FOO, my mother had different relationships with and different expectations for each of us. And I think that also has an impact on who we all are and why we are different.

What do you think?

Liese

P.S. I'm editing this to add that I think the age of a child when there is a traumatic event also has some bearing on the outcome and so it would kind of make sense that the youngest would be affected the most as they lacked the cognitive ability to make sense of the event.

Hi Canard,
Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you decided to post.

quote:

Do all siblings in a nuclear family get exposed and affected by the parents negative stuff ( abandonment, rejection, etc,. )
or is it possible that only one ( the youngest ) get affected ?

All siblings in a nuclear family would be affected but that does NOT mean it would affect them all the same way or even the effects would be the same for all the kids. Our development is the result of a complex interplay between our genetics and our environment. Our temperament and natural tendencies can have a big effect on how we react to our parents, so two siblings in the same family would not necessarily react the same way to their parents. Birth order can also really affect how we experience our parents. Each sibling is not born into the "same" because at a minimum, it contains different people when each person in born, adding to the interpersonal dynamics, their parents' availability, etc. Last but not least, if the parents are struggling with something progressive, such as a drug or alcohol addiction, their behavior may be getting worse so that a younger child could actually be subject to more troubling or problematic behavior than the older kids. Hope that helps.

AG

I think everyone is affected due to the simple law of cause and effect. But I mean the same as-for example, if you grew up on a farm, you would be affected by living in that environment vs. if you grew up in a large inner-city.

But since everyone is unique, people will be affected in different ways; some are minimally affected. Adult mental health is a combination of genetics/temperment, early relationships, socioeconomic status, and also the way you learn/cognition. AG and Liese mentioned some of the different variables.

Here's an interesting study group that researches the impact of childhood adversity on adults:

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study

My therapist has commented a few times how amazed he is at how 'ok' some turn out despite the cirumstances they grew up in.

My siblings have criminal histories-jail time, heavy drug use, etc. I think I had stability in my life as a result of my childhood temperment (quiet/introvert), as well as DID..and some other things.

I think emotional defense mechanisms play a large role in how people deal with childhood adversity. It affects both childhood dynamics, and those varibles lead to different adult outcomes.

d

Thanks for your share and insight. Actually I would like to thank all those who replied. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.