"Is it okay if we do a check in today. We haven't done that in a while"

It scares me, like I'm on the hot seat. Then T goes thru a list of questions.

"What would you like to talk about?"

I admit, I don't much like this one when T uses it with me. I know my T uses it to convey that I have some power and control over the direction therapy will take and it gives me shared responsibility for what we explore together, which is ultimately what I want. I've kind of gotten used to it but it sometimes feels as if I'm holding all the responsibility, which sometimes feels too weighty and I feel like I want to hand it back for her to carry for a bit!

Ts hold expertise in that they are trained in a bunch of theories and techniques and clients. But in many modalities there has been a move away from the idea that Ts are experts that have a master plan and always know what is best. Most prefer to also take a position that clients experts on their own lives and experiences and that for the client to get what they need, the T needs to be more of a companion, collaborator or facilitator.

I am less irritated by questioning. If a T really wants to annoy me, they'll make a blanket assumption about what I am thinking or feeling.

I don't much like solution-focussed questioning styles aimed at getting clients to think about times when the problematic behaviour did not happen. I get that it can be useful - but I personally am not there for simple behavioural change. I'm there for deeper insight and change on a more fundamental level. My T does not do this though, so I haven't been forced to fire her.

I have to admit I'd be very unimpressed if a T continued to ask a question I hated. I might ask if we could find a way to rephrase it so it wasn't quite so triggering.

RM: I completely understand what you mean...I HATE feeling like I am in the hot seat. I also hate that so much attention is on me...it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Draggers: I am sorry...I understand how that can be unnerving...maybe you could hide in her luggage when she goes on holiday

Mallard: I have to remember that he is doing it for a reason...when I stated I hated that question he did say he would rephrase it So, that was good...it's just I don't like being put on the spot...I feel so much pressure.

I guess I need to work on that...because I feel pressure all the time in real life.

Mallard You sound like you would be a great client for your Therapist! I'm sure she enjoys the sessions she has with you...you have a lot of insight on therapy

All the best,
T.

That's a genuinely lovely thing to hear TAS. I have a sport of the "World's Best Therapy Client" syndrome going on. I dug out an article from Psychotherapy Today that should explain what I mean.

I'm fab at being reasonable and appearing relatively sane. Less great with the emotional risk taking. I have to work up to that. Am getting there. Sort of. Kinda.

SP, shame on your T for asking you to talk about feelings. What is she thinking?! Clearly she didn't get the memo about intellectualising being way better. "Why do the feeling if you can skip to the meaning" is my motto.

Oh, oh, I have another one. Old T used to bang on about self-care a lot, which I found infuriating. Asking me how I was going to look after myself between sessions and then suggesting a relaxing bath made me want to throw things.

Draggers... I love that you said 'handbag fund' I know you've mentioned her bags before.

I don't know what my least favorite things are, but I have many.

Lately my two least favorite

1. What will be the best use of our time today.
It seems like so much pressure to come up with the best use of time. There might be lots of different things I want to talk about but that will cause me suddenly look like a deer caught in headlights trying to figure out which one is the best!

2. How is you eating going?
I'm tired of disappointing her and I think when she asks that she is expecting that I've made some great strides and decided to chuck the whole ED thing. I don't see anyway to answer that question and not disappoint.

Jillann

"Did you do your diary card this week?"

Or

"Do you have your diary card with you?"

same as you: "what would you like to talk about today"? HATE that question.
the other one nearly as irritating is "what is it that you need"? UGH! it makes me want to scream!

smilingpenguin you made me smile - having been in la la land many a time in sessions, it's a real drag to be pulled away to do feelings I agree ....shame too when they chopped down the tree outside that used to keep me entertained for hours counting leaves

Ooooo and any talk of self care immediately makes me feel more unsafe.... and uncertain as to how I would do this prescribed self caring either

starfishy

My list mostly resembles what others have written, but what really irritates me the most is not the fact that she asks them – I get it that it’s kinda necessary for her to understand what’s going on inside me - put the speed with which she does. I often have the feeling that I just need more time to feel the feelings, or identify them and then put them into words. When I’m pushed to do that I just start intellectualizing and doing this kind of quick scan check with the hints of feelings only then emerging and then… it’s gone, ‘cause I’m finished talking… does that make any sense? I make a mental note her to tell her (again, pff) to give me more time.
Oh yeah, there is one I DO hate. The one at the end: Is there anything else you want to say before we finish. OFF COURSE THERE IS! I could sit here for a month and not be finished.

I love the replies! I wonder if "they" know how bothersome their questions can be at times!

CD: He asked one time what I needed after I laid my head down on the couch...I said, "Nothing."

-Pretty much shut that question down-

Jillann: I HATE feeling pressure. I completely understand!

Turtle: You are so brave to share your diary with her...I keep one but definitely do not share it...he recommended it one time but I have not...too personal and I am so painfully private that even the least hint of judgment sends me running...

So frustrating at times...at least we know we are in good company with one another with some of the same experiences...

T.

Haven't met you TAS just wanted to say hi

My two questions that come to mind right away are-
"What do you need from me right now, what can I do for you?" (Especially on the phone!)
"How do you think our connection is right now, what are you feeling towards me?"

Ugghhhhhhhhhh In answer to the first question, I never actually feel that anything can be done, and certainly not within the realm of reason. (could you undo my childhood, make me feel instantly better, take all the suck out of healing, give me a million dollars, or just a hug????) No?? then the answer is nothing.

The second question creates way too much anxiety and pressure. Half the time I don't even know what I'm feeling toward him, and the other half of the time I'm feeling some range of emotion I would rather never admit to

AH

All seems to resonate with me!

quote:

What do you need from me right now, what can I do for you?

AH: I'd get very irritated with that too. What can you say to that?!?!....I really need you to give me a hug right now and then I'd really like to go for a walk and get an ice-cream with you.

Oh and as for carpet gazing SP I sure know the threads on my T's carpet!

B2W

Hi B2W!

I know, right??! I've often wondered what would happen if I just went ahead and said that to get a reaction! lol

Nice to meet you!

AH

Did I tell you about every line and moulding on my analysts ceilong. Carpet has been committed to memory thread by thread! Why do we do this? This trying to stay totally still?!

"How are you?"

OK I guess....blah blah blah

"How are your kids?"

Isn't this session about me?

"How is your mood lately?"

What's a mood?

"How can I help?"

OMFG, how the hell do I know. How can you help? You're the T, you tell me!

"When do you see P next?"

Are you going to call her now and tell her something from this session?

Yep, it seems to be the same question every time that I see T. His favorite is: How are you today? I think I find that question annoying because its the same question "every time" I come in, and I hate hearing my answer, because I wouldn't be there if I was doing great! I finally asked T if he could "change it up and ask something else". He forgets each week, and still asks the same question each time I come in, so now I just shake my head, and not answer him, and just smile and don't speak at all. I thought by asking him to change up the same question, that he would do that. Since he hasn't stopped, I thought to "show him" instead of "ask him" again that I don't want to answer that question by not answering it, but that's not working either. Now when he asks that, I just completely head another direction with the conversation, and he mentioned that he feels I'm getting bored with certain questions. Too funny!

Eme, I entirely agree how frustrating this question can be! I have no good answer. I'm fine - F***ing insane, neurotic, and emotional. Why else would I be there?!

I love your take. Unfortunately, I'm already rather quiet, so I take a different approach with my T. I respond by telling her that I hate to break it to her, but people don't come to see her because everything in their lives is going great. She actually went to argue that people do go to therapy because their lives are good! (I personally would spend my money elsewhere.)

If we all dislike this question, why doesn't the message ever get through to the therapists? It should be a part of their training by now!

This thread makes me feel better.

I hate when asked, "How can I help you?" Especially if they ask after I saw a problem I am struggling with. If I knew, I would not need the therapist with years of schooling!