the thing i must tell you about quitting therapy, is, unlike being a child, now, as an adult, you have permission to quit...a responsiblity i would rather not have for myself...so, just real world words...don't expect anyone to stop you, or to make that choice for you. it is your choice, and sadly, for me anyway, there ain't nobody gonna argue with me if and when i do...that is when i will finally 'grow up'.

i know one thing, that when i quit, i will be looking in the rear view mirror for t to be following, and they won't be, and, until that doesn't leave me devastated, i'd better not quit.

keep in mind my warped viewpoint!! yes, bad behaviour in me always WANTS SO DESPARATELY to be followed by someone loving me enough to stop me, never got that as a kid, just rejection, so, i am still looking for it...don't know if we parellel or not, and no, don't see her if she is not meeting your needs, lots of t's in the sea!! jill

Preppie Girl. I`m sorry your in this dilemma right now. As Jill wrote- this is solely your choice alone, and I understand that it is a difficult, scary and lonely decition you`re facing now.I SO relate to this..
Many, many times have I said to my t that, a part of me wants to stop the therapy because I know I will always feel that I never recieve/get enough (time, help, care, love, attention, etc.)

PG, if I understand you correctly (obs: I may lay to much of my own stuff in your situation- as i relate so much to this right now- sorry if i over-interpret your words) you feel that you are not getting enough help in the current situation, an therefore the t aint good enough, you`re needs arent met, so, the solution you`ve made is therefore to stop therapy completely. This sounds like a resonament/solution which I've found (with great sadness and frustration) several times myself.I tend to go think like this every time my T goes away, or my fears for the seperation are triggered somehow. Over and over again i seem to *think* stopping is the solution.

However, I found this solution sounds like far too much sacrifice PG. I have to ask back to you: Do you think quitting will help at all? IF YES- In what way will it be better for you?
I guess i would encorage you to talk this through with your T (how long is the vacation?) - tell your about your concerns and problems with the feeling of not "getting enough help" (again )
it can at least help to talk to your T about this- even if the frames and boundries probably will not change. This is certainly something that must be heavy and worry you. Maybe this "storm" of doubts you`re experiences these days, -will calm down after a while, and..yeah..just take your `time? Wait and see, and talk to your T about this.

btw
Ì guess the timing of these dilemma arison in you are also important.. Your T`s vacation may have triggered and caused a deep feeling that you`re abondoned? - and the hard stuff you talked about before vacation, must definitly made the vacation even harder for you. If this is the case, you`re judgments may be influenced by the dissapointment. Just guessing here, tell me if iàm off the road here..

Let us now how you cope if you need to-
all the best to you PG

Preppie Girl,

I can relate to the desire to quit. I also know how heartbreaking it feels to face the idea of looking for another T after so many T relationships that have not worked. Frnakly, if my choices were look for another T or give up, it would be very hard for me not to give up.

I'm glad your T asked you what you needed -
It sounds like your T is clear about communicating her boundaries. My equine T talks about how relationship happens at the edges of our boundaries. I don't think I quite understand what these means, but I know that navigating and respecting boundaries and also talking about what we need from the other, is a part of the process. Also, boundaries can change over time - and that's why relationship (w t's, people, even horses) takes communication.

When you asked your T about a quick phone call between sessions, you said she didn't respond. Maybe she is thinking about it? Maybe there is another option. Another way to meet what you need. Maybe your T and you could talk about what you would hope would help by having the phone call? (don't get me wrong, I know what helps me to have the occasional phone call when I'm falling apart.) And you could talk about *why* your T doesn't want phone calls - and maybe come to something else that still meets both your needs and what your T can provide? Ok, I realize, very much, that is a million times easier said than done!

It sounds like maybe you do need something to change... but maybe the change doesn't have to be quiting, at least not yet?

You talk about the sacrifice of continuing to see her if she doesn't provide what you need. What do you gain out of the therapy that you would be losing by quiting? It sounds like some really core/deep stuff came up, some really deep pain came up just before she left for vacation... I'm so sorry. That's awful timing! And I'm so sorry you are struggling. Hang in there.

I hope you do talk to her about all of it a little more... (or maybe you feel like you have already tried?)

If there is anything that has been helpful about this T (and it sounds like there has been) then I'd say hang in there a little longer, even though it's super painful right now, and she's not quite meeting all of what you need. Maybe that will change, and the journey with this T doesn't end here...

I dunno - my head is scattered so if any of this is totally off the mark, just please ignore.

many hugs
- jane