Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
4 replies

Ran into friend leaving my T's office tonight

riverriverMember
This seriously sucks! The illusion of being T's only client was completely shattered tonight as I sat in her waiting room and her door opens and out comes a friend of mine. I hate change and I hate having to change the way I think about my T even if the truth is better. The truth being of course that nothing between T and me has changed. I am just as important to her as I was two hours ago. So the truth is that nothing has changed but I feel like everything has. It is like watching a play and suddenly the backdrop falls down so now you can see through to the inner workings of backstage but the play is still going on. How interesting it is to be able to see everything that happens behind the scenes during a play but sad that now the illusion has been broken and the play just doesn't feel the same anymore. Has this happened to anyone else? I am trying desperately to hang onto the truth that our relationship hasn't changed a single bit but it is so hard. I was feeling OK by the time I left my session 1/2 hour ago but not even 2 minutes later during the drive home I am crying my eyes out and now I feel like quitting therapy altogether. I am pretty sure that this is one of those coincidences set up by our higher power since T had no idea that I am friends with this person (I've never talked about her in session) and I had to move my appt time to tonight from my regular Fri morning cuz T is going on vacation this weekend. So I just happen to be there on a very rare Wed night right after my friend's session. At least I already knew that this friend was seeing a T (of course I have hoped all along that it wasn't my T) but we never talk about therapy much. If it has been one of my close friends I think I would have been completely floored. Why does this have to feel like such a major crisis? Why do I feel so threatened by sharing my T with someone I know, someone I care about? In a rare rational moment I am glad to know that she is getting excellent care from a great T whom I would highly recommend but haven't cuz I can't stand the thought of sharing her with anyone. Nothing between has changed between T and me... nothing has changed... nothing has changed... nothing has changed... UGH! It is going to be a LONG 10 days before I see T again! Nothing has changed... nothing has changed... nothing has changed... What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Nothing has changed... nothing has changed... The truth is better than the illusion and will make me stronger. Having a deep understanding that nothing will change the fact that I am important to T and that she cares about me is way better than pretending I am her only client. Nothing has changed... nothing has changed... A house built on sand cannot stand. Nothing has changed... nothing has changed...

I appreciate so much that I can come here and say all of this to folks whom I know will understand why this is so hard. No one else in my life will. Thanks for listening.

Nothing has changed... nothing has changed... nothing has changed... nothing has changed...
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

ButterflyButterflyMember
Hi River,

I am sorry that you had to find out that your friend was also seeing your T. I knew people who also saw my old T and it somehow makes a safe place feel a little bit less safe so I can understand why you are feeling out of sorts.
quote:
Why does this have to feel like such a major crisis? Why do I feel so threatened by sharing my T with someone I know, someone I care about?
Our space with T's is so very personal and seperate from the things going on outside and it is a place for you to concentrate on you, so knowing that a friend also shares that space can feel very threatening. I once had to see my T in a different role and there is defintely a feeling of this is my T who is really important to me and I don't want to see her interacting with others.

However, you are right River, absoliutely nothing has changed as far as she is concerned, she is still your T who is there for you. If you can I think it would be a good idea to try and bring it up with her and how it made you feel to find this information out. Maybe she can help you process these feelings and I am sure she would understand why you feel the way you do.

Hugs
Butterfly
L lieseMember
((((RIVER)))))

Don't have a lot of time now but just wanted to say that I totally get everything you said. There were a lot of things I had to block out for a long time in order to maintain my relationship with my T. I was very aware that I was doing it and also hoped that I'd be able to let reality in when I was ready.

It bites, doesn't it? I actually have gotten to the place now where I feel as though I am close enough with T and secure enough with T that I'm not as threatened by his other relationships. It's an acceptance of who he is but also something has changed in my relationship with him as well.

HUGS,

Liese
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
(((River)))) I hate the reason, but it's really wonderful to hear from you, I have missed you! I'm sorry this is so painful, but I really get it. In many ways, therapy is a play space, where our imagination can run free, and so we can think about what it would have felt like to be treated as we should have been when we were young: special and adored and center of our caregivers' attention. Because we see our T alone for our sessions and don't have to share them, it's a space in which we can come the closest to knowing what it would feel like. So when we run into another patient, it's like turning off a switch (or your perfect description of suddenly tearing through the sets and letting you see the infrastructure.) Suddenly, play time is abruptly done and we are left defenseless with the grief that for our Ts we are not the only, special adored one. We are brutally faced with the loss of not having had that.

You are perfectly correct that nothing has changed. Your T cares deeply for you and you do have a unique, special relationship with her, unlike anyone else, but the overwhelming loss of not having that as a child is overshadowing that.

I really believe the best thing to do is to go and talk to your T about how this felt and what it's calling up in you. I went through something similar when I found a book of poetry that had a poem dedicated to my T. He was also mentioned in the acknowledgements by a nationally known author (whose jacket picture was stunning of course Roll Eyes). It was so painful and shame inducing, I actually thought about never seeing him again. I posted about going to talk to my T about it and I'm including the link below in the hope it might help somehow.

That was a reassuring appointment

Try not to be too hard on yourself River, it really is perfectly understandable why you would feel this way.

Hug two

AG
riverriverMember
Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. I appreciate your understanding and care.

T and I did talk about this for the entire session immediately after it happened. I called her this morning after a mostly sleepless night. And I am sure we will be talking about again during our next session. I was so affected by this there was no way I could have talked about anything else. I am sure she loved all of this great therapeutic fodder this encounter has created for us. Wink

The thing that T said that I am trying to hold onto is that nothing important has changed. I am special and important to her, just as much now as I was when I got up yesterday morning. It hurts so much and I shouldn't ignore that but I also shouldn't let the pain carry me away from the truth. So I am feeling the feelings but am also trying not to think about it all too hard.

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×