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9 replies

Ranting about my sister (what else is new??)

thedudethedudeMember
EEK! mixed emotions, anger, sadness, frustration, laughter, sense of evasion.
too much!

here's the situation:
my sister is in town, she was over yesterday and I have to leave while she was here. I told her she could stay with my kids for dinner or however long she wanted but I had to leave. She said she was planning to 'leave shortly'. I phoned the kids later (a few hours later) and they said my sis' and their cousins were still there. (my girls adore their cousins so I figured it was a good time for them all to meet without me having to see my sister too!)

When we returned in the evening, we found that my sis was there until about 9pm! And, the house was spotless! She, her kids, and mykids put ALL the laundry away, swept and washed the floors, tidied my desk, labelled folders etc!

My sis is a bit of a 'neat freak'. I admit I'm not at all! I'm just not. Admitadly I've been overwhelmed with school and too busy to keep up with the housework, but even at the best of times I'm not as 'into' having things clean and tidy as she is.

At first, hubbie and I just laughed. But as the day goes on, I feel more ticked off about it!

I suppose the question is, what is appropriate to do in another person's house? I mean, I've swept a few floors and folded a few baskets of laundry of friends without being asked, but tidying their desk? rearranging their laundry room? labelling file folders?

I feel like she's 'telling me' I'm not doing a good enough job! That I'm inadequate, and that again I've failed her.

Maybe I'm over-reacting! I told my kids I appreciated their work on tidying the house as I DO!

It's just so mixed up with other thoughts and feelings for me.

Robin
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riverriverMember
The whole thing would totally creep me out! Instead of having a nice visit and letting the children play together, your sister made them do housework?! Plus she went through your desk and rearranged stuff?! I don't know your sister Robin, but that isn't normal. Maybe sweeping up or doing dishes if her and the kids messed stuff up but all that extra work is just way over the top. I'd hate having to feel grateful towards her when it would really just piss me off I think.
chronicallytransferredchronicallytransferredMember
Robin, I TOTALLY agree with River here:

quote:
Instead of having a nice visit and letting the children play together, your sister made them do housework?! Plus she went through your desk and rearranged stuff?! I don't know your sister Robin, but that isn't normal. Maybe sweeping up or doing dishes if her and the kids messed stuff up but all that extra work is just way over the top.



Plus, her actions are based on the assumption that you WANTED your house clean, something SHE wanted, but YOU didn't. Maybe you liked the files the way they were? or your desk the way it was? As my T would say, your sister didn't seem to leave much room for individuality and personal differences!

I'm so sorry that your sister invaded your space and violated your trust. However, I think you are wise to realize that the effort your kids put forth is not negated by WHATEVER your sister's intentions were. Sounds like some good parenting! I hope you can determine what all this means to you and work through it without too much damage. Keep posting as you work it out.

-CT
thedudethedudeMember
I have always had big issues with my sister, the thing is, I've been working hard these past few weeks on some sister-me memories which are very difficult! This situation makes me feel I'm going backwards with her, I mean, if I mention it all to her she'll say I'm being 'unappreciative' etc., and I really don't want to get into this type of arguing with her. I usually end up telling her she's right and I'm wrong, and I'm over-reacting etc. I so don't want to go there. Anyhow, I have T tonight... keep you posted.

Robin
riverriverMember
Growing up my sister was a terror. It was obvious to everyone how mean she was and how badly she would push me around. Now, as an adult she still gets her way and "pushes me around" but she has adopted the opposite technique to do so. She is a "kill with kindness" person now and not in a good way. She is over helpful, over generous, over accommodating and I really don't like it because it makes me as uncomfortable as before but now everyone (my parents especially) don't see the manipulation behind all of this and just get on my case for not being appreciate of all of her "hard work."

So, I totally get the not being able to tell her off when she is being too nice because it always backfires. Being nice though has way more to do with the motivation behind it than the actual actions themselves. Unfortunately the motivations are so buried by now that no one, not even your sister or mine, can see it. We see it because how they make us feel hasn't changed. The end effect is still the same.
catgirlcatgirlMember
I agree. It was completely uncool. It's one thing to sweep someone's floors and fold their laundry, but desks are personal and private. Files are even more personal and private. How dare she touch and go through your things?! Something about it feels really strange--like controlling or manipulative, definitely crossing boundaries. How can you trust her to even be in your house now? It's just wrong.

Good luck finding the things that she's moved.

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