Hi Irisheyes,
Welcome to the forum. I can understand you feeling freaked out; most people do when this starts happening. And the reaction you're having to your T tells me that you're going deep enough in therapy and feeling safe enough that more stuff is surfacing. Therapy isn't causing new problems, it just revealing them. My T talks about how people go to therapy to make things better, but often in the beginning things get worse. There's a reason we avoid things so that when we start to look at them it can actually make things harder before they get better.

In my experience, most clients who develop these feelings for their Ts have attachment problems. They didn't have a secure attachment when they were children. When we don't have a secure attachment, I didn't, we keep looking in all our relationships for a way to get those unmet needs met; hence the intensity when we find someone who holds out hope of meeting those needs. As far as the sexual attraction; it is NOT unusual for a heterosexual patient to develop sexual feelings for a same sex T when this happens. Its not about your orientation, its about the feelings its evoking and our desire to both merge and/or equalize the power in the relationship. You might want to go look at old topics, especially the ones about transference and look for posts from Just Me, she also experienced this.

I know you feel you can't talk to your T about this but exploring these feelings and seeing what they reveal about you is how the work of therapy gets done. It's extremely scary but can help so much. This is a good place to come and talk about how you're feeling and get help to make sense of it; a lot of us are dealing with it. Bottom line, please know there's nothing wrong with you; this is a very normal reaction for people dealing with these issues.

As far as the official policy; it depends on the state in which your T practices and the type of therapist. In NY state where I live, there needs to be at least two years between the end of therapy and the beginning of a personal relationship and the therapist may NOT end therapy in order to start the waiting period. However, there are some therapists that believe that once a patient, always a patient (especially if the theraputic relationship has been a long standing one) and that its never acceptable to have another relationship with even a former client. I will tell you that most research and experiences where Ts have personal relationships with their clients ends up being harmful to the client. A really good book on this subject is In Session by Deborah Lott.

AG

Thank you, Attachment Girl. That was very insightful. I've got a lot to think about.