Wow, that sucks I hope you will have better luck after the holidays are over...

(((((( Kmay ))))))

Echoing BLT, that sucks, big time! I know you must be feeling really crap and upset and rejected and angry and hopeless and despairing right now and totally understandably . These people are supposed to be professionals so you would expect the basic courtesy of at least an acknowledgement of your enquiries and I’m really sorry they’ve been so bad en masse. That must just add to your crappy feelings .

As a way to give you some sense of hope though, it IS the holidays and chances are a number of them have simply signed off for the break. (Bad I reckon in view of their job and who they deal with, but it does seem to be a very T thing to do .)

If it’s any help too, during my many attempts at contacting different numbers of Ts, I found often that Ts I particularly wanted to get back to me did so in quite a delay of time – usually by the time they got back to me I’d given up on them! I remember one particular T whom I ended up really liking, gave me the runaround like nothing on earth, finally sending an email saying she’d get back to me, taking ages to do so, taking even more ages to get back to my emails and finally a phone call asking for an appointment, and finally taking ages to set an appointment date.

I really do think it’s the Christmas holidays that are responsible for these Ts not getting back to you. Do you feel up to holding your ground and re-sending emails? Something like, enclosed copy of email dated such and such, I’d very much appreciate a reply. That’s what I did to Ts who didn’t bother getting back to me. Sometimes you really have to knock on a door repeatedly until someone lets you in. Which is not how it should be but when you’re feeling as bad as you are, having something to DO can make a big difference to the feelings of impotence and worthlessness that seem to surface in this sort of crappy situation.

Kmay I’m also so sorry you had an epic fail of a meeting with the T you did get to see. That you had to arrange a meeting with him via a call centre is bad news in the first place. I hate that you have to be in this position when all you want, perfectly naturally and normally, is someone to be there for you.

I wouldn’t blame you if you just gave up. I hope you don’t start thinking that this is any indictment of you though (only saying that because it’s how I would feel in your case, and it’s something to be fought at all costs!)

Sending you lots of hugs and support

LL

(((kmay))) i'm really sorry you're having such a hard time finding a T. it seems everyone is a little flaky during the holidays, even Ts
last time when i was looking for a T it was also just before xmas and i was a mess and i found the process so much harder because i had to wait a long time to hear back and it's so discouraging being kicked and rejected when you're already down!
im sorry i dont have anything useful to say... if it feels really important you can keep trying or send reminder emails like LL suggested - or if you feel like you can wait till after the holidays, maybe you'll get much better responses?

gentle hugs

puppet

((((KMAY))))

That sounds SOOO discouraging. I know it feels personal but try to remember it's not. They don't know you at all.

Thank you everyone for your support. I was really needing to vent...clearly lol.
Some of the T's I contacted several weeks ago and some just recently. Now that I am in a less emotional state of mind, yes, the Holidays make sense. I know I am a crazy lunatic right now trying to get ready, so of course any T with a family and probably some patients really needing them is too. I will try again ater the Holidays. It just leaves me feeling so alone and worthless. Feelings that I already struggle with and it feels like it validates them...irrational as that may seem. It is my reality
Thanks again to all of you...your support means more than you know right now.

((KMAY)))

quote:

t just leaves me feeling so alone and worthless. Feelings that I already struggle with and it feels like it validates them...irrational as that may seem. It is my reality

I struggle with this too. It's especially hard when you are already feeling particularly dejected and rejected and all the rest. One more rejection on top of it can make it 10 times worse.

(((( Kmay ))))

If it's any help, keep talking here over the next couple of weeks, at least until Ts get back into their routines and you can reasonably count on getting a decent response. It really does help having other people who understand what you're going through, even if just that you don't have to endlessly explain WHY you're feeling so rubbish.

Sending you some more hugs

LL

Nah, I would email the ones that never bothered to even acknowledge your email - I would say to them that you are giving them 1 last chance to respond to your email. If they are health professionals in a caring profession - then it would be courteous to reply in some way. You are a person in need of help and not receiving a reply of any sort from a person whose profession it is to be supportive and caring leaves you more upset.

Tell them that you emailed 6 people and only 1 replied - they all need to lift their game.

IF they offer email contact AND they say they are taking on clients - they need to actually do their job. Holidays or no holidays.

If they are not working on holidays - then set up an automated reply. It isn't rocket science for them.

That is my view on things. Don't accept crap service.

Somedays.

I left a message today for one that I had emailed last week. I am going to leave her another one after the New Year if I don't hear back just in case she is gone on vacation, although her voicemail didn't say that. If I don't hear back from her then I give up.

I can imagine the frustrations of not hearing back but it's good you're pressing on and hanging in there. *hugs*

Just my two cents worth: Any that have not called you back yet are not worth your time. I know that when I found my current T, I contacted at least 10 and she was the only one who called me back. So when you do find one that actually returns your call promptly, that is a good sign. I hope it works out for you as well as it did for me. Don't give up.

Kmay... I realize that the holidays may play a part in the delay of getting answers but I would think any good T would have a message on their machine to say they are away. My T does this when he is on vacation. I know this because when he's away I call his vm to hear his voice for comfort and he says when he will return. He will answer email when he is away also but I understand most T's do not.

I would wait until after New Year's to attempt to contact any other T's. I believe you are in the US right? The majority of working people do not take extended holiday time off as is common in Europe. They may take a week or at most 2 if they have kids.

If a T did not return my call/email within a week I would write them off as being unreliable and an indication of how seriously they take their work. If someone really interests you I would give them a second chance but that would be it.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Iknow it's hard enough to reach out to a new T. I hope you find someone you click with very soon. It's a difficult process and you are being very brave about it.

Sending you hugs
TN

Bluesky, Hoosier, TN,

Thanks. No response yet. No email, no phone call.
TN - Yes, Here in the US, they do not seem to take quite as long vacations. However, I just remembered that my old T did not change her voicemail when she was away on vacation. It was always the same message.
Either way, I am going to wait until after the New Year to contact anyone else b/c in the meantime I feel like I cannot just write them all off as they may in fact be away on vacation. I don't know...it makes me feel worthless...each one that doesn't contact me back. I know it's irrational, but it's how I feel.
You know the worst part? When I first started searching for a new T about a month ago, I wasn't feeling desperate for one. I just knew that I needed to work through what happened with old T. Now...I have quite a few things going on that are causing me distress, triggers, anxiety. I'm not doing well and I am feeling desperate now. It always works that way doesn't it? Boo.

Kmay... one other thing I've noticed about T's... they are lousy with technology. So I can believe most of them have not changed their message. Probably can't figure out how to do that.

Funny story about oldT.... while in session one day his phone just kept ringing and it was distracting and he could not figure out how to turn off the ringer of this new land line phone and so he took the receiver and threw it in a file drawer and put a bunch of stuff on top of it Like I couldn't hear it in there ?

I agree with waiting till after the New Year to contact any further T's. I'm sorry you are now facing things which are causing you anxiety and upset. We are here if you need to talk about anything or need extra support.


TN

FINALLY....got a call back. And it was from the T that I was hoping to hear from. I had basically given up. I hadn't contacted anyone sicne I last posted about it. She called me back today and I felt the biggest rush of relief through me. Just talking to her on the phone about the appointment time made me feel at ease. I really really hope this works out. I am not in good shape. Appointment is Wednesday...keep your fingers crossed for me!

Good luck, Kmay!!!

Really hope that works out for you, Kmay. Keep us posted!

good luck, kmay!!! i'll be thinking of you, and i hope everything works out. keep us posted, okay?

Fingers all crossed!

B2W

Goodluck Kmay!
Starlight

Fingers and toes crossed

Thank you so much my friends.
Wednesday cannot come soon enough. I am going through alot and I have been aching about old T. Everytime I think about Wednesday and walking in to her office I start to tear up at the thought of what we will discuss. Which who really knows what that is anyways right?! But all these things swirling in my head that are causing me emotional pain, I want to get them out. So I cry everytime I think about it. I have this awful fear that I will start crying the moment I walk in to the office and I won't be able to stop and she will tell me to leave because she will think I have completely lost my marbles
Wednesday at 11:00am....I will update you guys!

(((kmay)))

we're thinking of you!

Thank you BLT and Closed Doors

((kmay))
Good Luck. If you cry the first time it will be ok since you've been on your own and alot has built up. I hope it all goes well.

quote:

I have this awful fear that I will start crying the moment I walk in to the office and I won't be able to stop

kmay.... I actually did do this in most of my T initial sessions when looking for a new T after my termination/abandonment. When I met the first new T I did nothing but cry and use up all his tissues. I barely spoke to him. He was not what I needed (no contact policy) so I never went back.

I cried buckets through the next four meetings with different T's. Being so deep in grief I could not control it. I know they all understood once they heard my story and T's are used to people crying. It's part of being a T and they do not think badly of a patient who is crying. So please don't worry about your strong emotions. It's better you have them than being so shut down you can't access your feelings.

The last of those T's I saw is now my current T. We have been talking about how traumatized I was when I first saw him. He thought I was very brave and strong to keep searching for the right T for me. He did not think badly of me because I cried more than I talked in those early sessions. He was pleased I felt comfortable enough to do so with him.

Good luck, kmay. Let us know how it goes.

Hugs
TN

In the waiting room. For some reason I feel like puking :-(

Slow, deep breaths. Focus your attention on something neutral, like a plant or something on the wall.

I've been there. . .

Update - Oh I feel so hopeful! I hope its real and it works out. Met with new T today - female. She has a PhD (vs. old T had MFT) and she has been in practice for over 20 years. I loved her office. It is soft and bright and comfy and happy all at the same time. I connected with her and felt like it was the right fit within the first 20 mins. When I told her I was on 200mg of Zoloft per day she almost fell over and died. I'm not kidding....she thought she misunderstood me. She said that is way too much to be on and that it can start to have an opposite effect on me, causing more anxiety and depression. (which would explain alot but is too long to go into) She has referred me to a neurologist/psychiatrist in order to ween me off while I work with her, which she said will take about a year to do in order for us to do it properly without me spiraling into a very bad state. She is the only person who has ever listened to me when I tell her the withdrawl sypmtoms that I feel if I dont take the medication every day at the exact same time. If I am even an hour late, I get head spins and nerve zaps. She said that is very unhealthy in itself. She laid out the boundaries in the beginning. She does not practice EDMR, but has someone who she works with that will work with me if she feels I need that. She does not allow contact outside of session, which I was surprisingly ok with. I think that my old T was so lenient that it crippled me and didn't allow me to figure things out on my own in order to grow strong and process things. The only she wasn't very clear on was touch. Of course, we will probably cross that bridge when I get into more detail about what happened with old T.
Please oh Please Lord....let me find some peace with her....

Thank you HIC,
There was this canvas picture thing hanging on the wall that had all these little teenie tiny stitches in it...I focused on that and calmed me.

(((kmay)))

Sounds good to me. I do hope it works out for you, or at least that this is a good resting place on your journey of healing...

Yay, Kmay!

I haven't weighed in on your saga until now, but I've been reading. I was thinking about you today, and it's so good to hear your positive first reactions!

(((((KMAY))))))

Sounds so good!

BLT, Outsider, Leise,

Thank you