((((Sadly)))) In a bad place, myself, but wanted to offer hugs and support. Sorry that I am sans wisdom or useful words of any sort right now.

Sadly I do know how that feels. I'm reeling from it myself.

I think closing some of it down and looking at smaller manageable parts of the total picture of the trauma would be a good thing to do so you are not overwhelmed to the point of just shutting down and hiding under the covers.

This is what I want to do now. I'm so exhausted. I'm trying to do so much while at the same time process what happened with oldT. I can relate to the physical symptoms because I'm having them too. My face hurts (probably from clenching my teeth in anxiety), my body aches all over, I'm drained, and sometimes my surgical scars still hurt me and that takes me back so quickly to the week when I was abandoned by oldT.

I think we tend to try to tackle too many things at once while going full speed ahead in life and that is bound to cause a crash at some point. I'm finding it hard to keep up with my schoolwork and also be a good involved mother. I'm am withdrawing and isolating. I do it socially in real life and I realize it has been hard to even come here.

I think you have good ideas with the mediation and yoga and with slowing down. I would add that perhaps you could do at least one really nice thing for yourself each day. I know... I should take my own advice. And I know how hard this is.

I'm sorry you are suffering so much but I'm thankful you have sweet P to help you get through all this.

TN

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, Sadly. I think taking it a little slower is probably a good idea, maybe you could try and have just a nice easy chatty session for a change...I don't really know though. Just a thought. Take it easy. Lots of nice cups of tea.

((((Sadly)))

BB

I just found out today something really difficult for me.
I asked sweetP if he was married, ( I knew he had kids) because my next question was 'Are you Happily married?" and he was MEANT to say, :yes. And then I would feel SAFE.

but instead he says, " I am separated."

I am so stunned I say nothing.

Oh god, he is SINGLE. I WANTED to say " but you are in a stable and happy relationship - aren't you? You're not single, are you?

But I couldn't, obviously.

Heck Heck Heck.

Thanks for your kind comments and hugs and hugs even when feeling bad yourselves, and hugs back.

We should hang out and have a duvet and tea party, where we all get under our duvets and just doze and commiserate on how hard this therapy stuff is sometimes. And then drink tea.

(((Yaku)))) ((((TN))))))) (BB))))))) (((((lurkers))))) ;-)

Oh, Sadly, I can imagine how you feel. Being (fairly) certain that my T is in a very fulfilling relationship with his wife makes me feel so safe with him. I have a real problem feeling like any guy who gets close to me will only want one thing or see me in one way right now. Yesterday, I was talking to my H about T and how the lack of definition/transparency around his boundaries is making me feel. Somehow, the conversation came round to H feeling like T's withdrawal and whatever boundaries were there around closeness and touch had more to do with T's (potential) feelings for me than him being disgusted or scared about my feelings toward him. I know boundaries have two sides, but it really never occurred to me to think of it in that way, especially since he's my dad's age. I honestly could not see those boundaries being about anything other than T trying to do what was for MY own good. T is always telling my H what a good wife I am, praising a lot of stuff about me in sessions, told him that he saw me as "good wife material" (implying he would have looked for my "type" at a period of time when he had relationship problems and was looking) or something like that...though I think that was before he really knew me and had only met me in a couple of H's sessions. He still tells me I'm an amazing wife and mom all the time, but I think he is just building me up...

So, H is all caught up on this idea that T could potentially become attracted to me. H doesn't really seem to care (trusts me), but that thought scares the $#!+ out of me, because that's exactly what I'm scared of, no man being able to care about me without being corrupted by those sort of desires. Whatever, I know T is safe, but the idea made me feel slightly less safe. Also, if T and his wife were miserable in their relationship, it would be harder for to think he has the wisdom to offer me about my own difficult situation.

Still wish I could go with H on his UK trip in June and have a real tea party.

Sadly,
I'm sorry, I would find that one tough as well. I am very grateful that my T has been married for 38 years (I figure at this point, it's probably going to last. ) It really helped me feel safe to know that.

But from everything you said about SweetP, he's really good about his boundaries, so I don't think you need to worry.

AG