Touch in Therapy - Zur Institute

Cogs, just for the record, Dr. Zur creates very strong reactions, both for and against his theories of practice in the psychiatric community.

The Power of Touch by Courtenay Young

And for the other perspective:

Touch in Therapy by Cherly Fuller (Jung at Heart)

BTW you may want to search on the forum, I know several members spring to mind that have experienced touch as very helpful in therapy: True North, Monte and Catalyst are the ones that pop up for me and I am sure I am missing some people.

Not an option for me, my experience is closer to what Cheryl Fuller describes but there are plenty of people who see it as important. I know Shrinklady does.

Hi cogs,

the link I was going to give you was to zur because I know my T uses that as a boundary guide (she's told me - after she mentioned him and I said I knew who that was).

If you have any touch questions let me know... I don't have much in the way of articles. I'm hoping others will come around w/ articles because I know a lot out there have a few (I'd assume Liese so hopefully she will pop up)! I've not had to research the topic with/for my T- I hope it can be collaborative.

Hey Cogs,

I too feel the same as you about crying. I have a real problem with it. I never let anyone ever comfort me when I am upset as I am scared of really letting go and being unable to control my crying, grief / outpouring.

My T does use touch - hugs at the end of the session and would provide more if I asked. A few times when I have been very agitated and upset - she has asked me if I wanted her to touch me or hug me and I have been angry and pushed her away. My T says she is always assessing what I need most. She says that she wants to offer physical comfort to me a lot as she thinks it would help - but due to my issues I always reject that.

I think my T is right and it is my therapy journey and issues that don't allow me to let her in.

And yet again - my therapy session mirrors my life.

I NEVER cried in the year that T sat opposite me in her chair. Since then (another 1.5 yrs) I have been able to cry a little (ie tears and choking speaking - but never full on crying.... - when sitting next to her).

Once I had had my session and had been very shut down and went to my car and flipped out and was angry at myself for not talking about a big issue (SH). I sat for an hour, then rang and unbelievably she had a cancellation. I went straight back in to her . That session I was very upset, raw, honest, agitated and clearly not well. I sat on the edge of the sofa and she sat very close next me on the edge of the sofa too, the closest she has ever sat. I probably cried the most that session. She was close enough to put her arm around me. Later she said she wanted to and it would be the natural thing to do - but she held back. She asked me at some point whether she could hold me and I moved away and angrily said no. She moved away from me then and it felt like a huge chasm had come between us.

I later dissected this and told her that I really wanted her to hold me but something inside me turned the anger on and not the emotional bit.

Sorry, I have rambled on about something you didn't even ask about. Your post dug some memories out for me, that was all.

I am really glad your T and you are discussing this. It took me a very long time to get to the point of discussing it with my T.

Happy to give you more details if you want to hear more.
Somedays.

Thanks AG, catalyst, Monte, SomeDays, RedTomato, and anonymously for the comments. I will come back and write a response that actually responds to your comments. Now I wanted to share what I discovered last night about how hard it is for me to stay in the room when I'm anxious.

Monday, T started by saying something like what could we do that would create safety like touch does? I reacted internally because that sounded like touch is impossible and what else could we try to create the illusion of safety. I was surprised because a long time ago we had a discussion of touch and agreed to start shaking hands at the end of every session and the possibility of other kinds of touch was left open. I struggled to tell him I was hurt he wouldn't consider anymore touch or at least to ask him to clarify what he meant. We discussed other aspects of crying and comfort and what touch seems to do for me.

Near the end I heard him say something like "there are ways to provide reassurance that are okay" after discussing how important touch is to humans. So then I thought he was willing to discuss touch and was getting confused and frustrated that he wasn't more clear. I expressed some of that briefly before I left and he said we could talk about it further today. That evening I sent him an email with some explicit questions about what he thought of touch and what the limits were for him vs for what he thought was therapeutic for me, etc. and asked for references here.

Now for the fun part, I record all my sessions and I listened to monday's last night and what he actually said near the end of the session was "there are other ways to provide that reassurance that it is okay to cry" which sounds much more in keeping with touch during the session is off the table. I am guessing that my email Monday seemed to come out of the blue because he didn't suggest touch as a possiblity and I just thought he did. I guess I wanted to hear that so much I chose to hear it.

Today's session should be difficult and I am on vacation next week. I am not sure how I am going to handle a clear, considered No which is one of the reasons I have left the touch conversation in a place where I felt like there was possibility. I think I liked thinking of it as an option for the future.

quote:

Originally posted by SomeDays:
She asked me at some point whether she could hold me and I moved away and angrily said no. She moved away from me then and it felt like a huge chasm had come between us.

I later dissected this and told her that I really wanted her to hold me but something inside me turned the anger on and not the emotional bit.

Hi, SomeDays. Thanks for this post. I experienced something similar and could not (still cannot) figure out my reaction--wanting to be physically comforted but then responding with fear & anger to the offer... I feel confused and sad and sort of "crazy" about my reaction. I'm glad you and your T have talked through this.

RabbitEars

((cogs)) it may still be possible. I think needing touch to facilitate emotional expression can be tricky (like your T would need to touch you every session for emotional release to occur? Since, I guess... maybe to be emotionally free with yourself there needs to be a way to 'get things out' w/o others? Heck if I know.... maybe that is the reservation?

I have access to ask for touch pretty freely - but with that I have to track where I'm at. Sometimes it's too activating or too calming before I get a chance to push my own limits. The awareness comes from all the somatic work.

Anyway, hopefully your T will take a look at that e-mail still, even if it can't include the touch it may give insight to those 'other channels' even though, I mean... the conversation(s) are going to be painful and thoroughly rough I imagine. Also, maybe you could find a somatic T, or get massage work done. I'm a pitiful mess the day after a massage so therapy is usually well planned for whatever day that is... same after chiropractic adjustments, acupuncture or yoga. Good luck today, I'll be thinking of you.