Hi KBella, nice to meet you.

My T has said that some Ts, including herself, will give people another session without charging (and, I assume a refund might be possible to) if they really were not happy with the session and/or she feels the same way. I would assume a case like this does not happen often (I've been unhappy with sessions before but it wouldn't warrant a refund).

It's always worth it to ask. Would you be open to another session if she offered that instead of a refund?

Hi KBella!

Welcome to the forum!

I'm so sorry you encountered such a bad therapist and experience. Asking for a refund might be great way to express what you need and want to be assertive about what was a very bad experience. You may have caught her at a bad time - which doesn't make her actions ok - but and she might be much more understanding if you expressed your concerns, and might give you the refund. However, it might also be a re-triggering experience. If she has a really self-focused personality, it may not be likely she will give you the refund. If you ask for refund, maybe it would be best to ask via writing her a letter, as to help reduce the chances of another triggering conversation with her? She might also hear your feedback better in you sent it in a letter, as you would have the chance to say what you need to say without her taking over the coversation again.

I think many good T's would offer a refund to a client who had a bad initial session - especially if they knew the client felt too triggered to even say it was awful. I think they would do it as a good bussiness practice to do for a client that they had an initial session with that was a bad fit.

The hard thing about therapy is that we pay for the time and the expertise. On one hand, she did provide the session, the time, to figure out if you and her are a good fit. On the other hand, like other professions, it's bad practice to charge a client for poorly provided services - especially one that leave the client in a worse off place. Sounds like she really dropped the ball with you in helping you talk about what you needed in therapy. Are you still looking for a therapist? Have you found one that might be better fit than her?

Please feel free to disregard anything in my reply that's off target or not helpful. I tend to stick my foot in my mouth a lot!

It's great to "meet" you!

~ jane

Hi KBella, nice to meet you! Welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience in your intial session with this T. It sounds like maybe she was in a place of explaining her policies and practices and you were in a place where you really needed to connect with someone. Many T's will go over policy and procedure information in a first session and that is always good info to have up front. In my experience though they typically spend the first session doing "intake" where they ask a bunch of questions and try to figure out what you are needing and if they can help you with that.

You can ask for a refund, but I'm not sure that you will get it. Like Jane said, if she is very self-focused then she may completely balk at the idea. If she is really helpful and feels like this was just a misunderstanding or a case of getting off on the wrong foot then she may offer another session without charge. I can't really say what she might do, but if you feel it would be triggering to speak to her again then I agree a letter might be more effective.

I hope that you have found another T or if not that you will soon find someone that you are comfortable with. A good fit is very important.

Wow, thanks everyone for good support and ideas. I like the idea of writing to her so that I can get all of my thoughts out safely. I think I would just flat out describe my experience to her and ask for a refund. Something along the lines of....

"Hi XXXXXXX,
After having some time to reflect and gather my thoughts, I wanted to share my experience of our session last week. I was really disappointed that I didn't get to talk about anything that I needed to, either for my own healing or for the purpose of trying you out. I spent a lot of time hearing about your every week policy, which we had already discussed over the phone, and hearing you talk about how little you cared whether I stayed in the room. I didn't feel that you were attuned to me during the session, or that you were even interested in the emotional issues I am seeking to resolve. I felt alienated the entire time, beginning when you opened the door of your office without greeting me. I was too scared to leave without paying, but later wished I had. Do you ever offer clients refunds for experiences such as these?"

Any feedback on that?

If she offered me another session free of charge, it would certainly show more sensitivity than I experienced in the session, but unless she totally transformed into a different person (which in itself would be another red flag), I think it would be too triggering to see her again.

I'm meeting with another prospective therapist tomorrow who came recommended from a friend (who I trust and admire) and who offers a free 30 minute in-person consultation. Just by the way she runs her ship, it is already seeming like a much better fit.

P.S. Love the Emerson quote! Perfect for a tough day/week/year of trailblazing