Hi Amazon
I seem to regress after any big flashback, I think there are about 3 or 4 different ages,depending on the memory, but seems to be worse when I'm with my T - I think that's because the flashbacks are stronger then, the rest of the time I try to desperately numb it all away and try not to allow myself to remember certain things.
It's a very odd sensation of being caught between two times, feeling like a child but being in the here and now world For some reason I'm never surprised to see my T, when she tells me to open my eyes and look around, but often want to cry or call for a parent and have difficulty undrstanding basic commands or questions. I feel very small and very young intellectually and emotionally - oh yes and very very sleepy. Does anybody else have trouble staying awake when they regress or dissociate?
My husband is the only person apart from my T who knows that this happens to me - I would be too scared of telling my friends as it sounds so crazy... until it happens to you
Thanks for the thread Amazon, I look forward to realising once again I am not alone.
starfish

I do that pretty much all the time. In my everyday life I feel like I am 15. It does not matter who I am dealin with or talking to, I feel like I am 15 on the inside. Its really weird since I am married with three kids, but half the time I dont know how to respond in situations where people expect me to actually seem like my age because of the way I feel. I also relate better to younger people because of this. I have always just thought I was weird. When I am with my P its the same way but some times I feel even younger when I am with him. Usually I feel like I am 15 and he is my dad. The only time this doesnt really affect me that much is when I am by myself or just with my kids and then I can sometimes forget the fact that I feel like I am 15. But besides that I am believe I am just 15 inside, never grew up after that point. I thought about just telling everyone I was that age because even though I am 26 I dont look older than 18 if that, so I could just go back to being 15 and try growing up again

Monte, no worries it didn't come across like that at all
All I can say is that I can't really control it when it happens, but afterwards I feel sooooooooo silly and confused and really wish it didn't.. . I think 'emotional nakedness' is a very fitting description of yours. I really wouldn't chose to be that vulnerable - this is me who can't even cry in front of anyone else.
starfish

echo- thats interesting that you said that. I have always wondered if because I feel like I am 15 all the time if I come across that way to other people. I do relate better to other teenagers and younger kids. Actually, my whole life I have related better to people younger than me. I have often thought about trying to explain the way I feel to my psychiatrist or therapist or recently thought about trying to explain it to my christian counselor, but I have not done it because I am not sure how to explain it. I dont even know how to start the conversation and what to say to make sure they really understand what I am trying to say. I some times wonder if I have a harder time explaining myself because I do feel 15. And it has always seem weird to me that its that exact age instead of around that age, I know exactly what age I feel inside. I have heard other people say they feel somewhat like this but just around an age, not a specific age.
I have heard that with BPD that sometimes when you have a traumatic experience at a certain age then when you dissociate during that time that it is possible to basically stay in that age. Kind of a lesser form of Multiple Personality. I have thought about how when I was 15 was when my dad I were in Walmart late at night by ourselves and he had a seizure for the first. I had never seen one before and when he fell over I freaked out, I thought he was going to die. That was also the age that my dad took off and said he was never coming back cause he got into a fight with my step-mom. He did come back the next day but for half a day and a whole night I was freaking out about what was happening. And the time in the middle of winter when my step-mom fell outside and shattered the bone in her arm and I had to take care of her cause I was the only one home, she wouldnt let me call an ambulance, I couldnt get her up and my dad was stuck at his office 20 minutes away with no car, and the whole time I was also trying to take care of my one year old niece at the time, and its also the year I started finding out a lot of stuff about my biological family and the things they did to me. So I wonder if that has anything to do with it cause it was a traumatic year for me.