Rachel

Did he give you any reason other than that HE didn't think you needed to come anymore?

I wasn't there or anything but it really sounds like it is about him. And he certainly could have given you a better explanation. He could have owned up to his side of it.

Have ever seen a T before seeing him? Have you tried to see anyone else? You may need some help with getting beyond this.

Hi,

No explanation was really given other than he thought I probably didn't need to come anymore because I'd probably gained enough - that was it! Nothing else was said. And, no I have never seen a therapist before. I'm a pretty reserved kind of person so I feel really embarrassed that I revealed so much about myself personally and emotionally, then was pretty much shown the door.

Also...I really don't think I could go back to another therapist after that.

He sounds irresponsible. I think a good therapist would have asked you if you thought you needed to come back. They also would have spent some time on the process of terminating because for many people that is a difficult issue. I really hope that you will give another a try.

Have you ever considered calling him and asking to talk to him about this? Telling him that it was a real surprise to you when he did that?

OR maybe he had no idea how much he meant to you. He may have seen your questioning about if you should still come in as your wanting to leave???

You said you are reserved. Maybe he took that as a lack of connection when in truth you were feeling very connected.

I honestly think that even if you don't see him anymore that you need more closure on this. I really do encourage you to call him and ask for another apointment and then tell him how you took it when he said that to you. That you've been crying etc. You owe that to yourself.

Well, when it happened I did contemplate going back to talk to him about it. But I felt that he seemed annoyed with me for whatever reason plus he'd said that he didn't think I really needed to go back. So, I think I would just feel like a real nuisance showing up or even calling and saying why did you say that, etc.

Plus, I think if I went back I'd cry too much when I was talking to him. Also, it would be pretty embarrassing for me to tell him how much he had meant to me - it just seems too intimate.

BTW - thank you very much for your suggetions

You're welcome.

I have no other suggestions other than that time will probably help you get over it.

Sounds like you're scared to make moves. I am thinking that it would be good for you to take a risk. Break out of the shell.

Hey, thanks for that!

Rachel,

I can't imagine how painful this must have been for you. I think sometimes therapists underestimate the power they have in our lives.

I agree with Jo, that it sounds like it was about him, not about you, but it's probably difficult for you to see that right now, or that he might have thought that you were sending him the message that you thought you were done. IMO, he didn't handle it correctly in either case.

You deserve more than this. I hope that you are able to take care of yourself through this and give yourself what you need. From what I can see, you have 3 options. 1: Do nothing, and try to deal with it on your own. It sounds like this isn't working for you, and that you need more closure than that. 2: Contact him and try to get some closure. Might not be a bad idea, if you are willing to be vulnerable with him again, but it's a risk. 3: See a new T to help you through this, and continue working on the issues that you started working on with him. If you did this, I'd recommend doing some homework, possibly seeing 2 or 3 therapists, asking them questions, getting a feel for them, telling them what happened and seeing how they respond. If it were me, I'd probably go with option 3. I'm not a huge risk-taker. Therapy is a great tool for self-development. I hope that you find a way to continue on.

Good luck to you.

Let us know what you do.

Catgirl

I also second the idea of talking to him even if it is only once or seeing someone else if that seems easier. I think it is very hard to know what your T is thinking if you don't ask. Maybe he thought you weren't interested in continuing because of your reserve or the fact you asked how often you should come.

When I had been seeing my T for about 3 months, we had a conversation about whether it was helping and if I should quit (I didn't want to but I thought he wanted me to) and at one point I got so upset I left the room in tears and cried in the bathroom. I was so embarassed I did not want to go back in but I had left my purse there. When I calmed down and returned he asked me if we could talk about what had been coming up for me and he asked if I had felt relief, I replied no I just felt rejected. He said he didn't want me to stop coming but he wanted me to know it was okay with him if I did. That was the first time I realized that he really didn't know how things felt for me if I didn't tell him. I think I react in my life like it is so obvious how I feel and think that others must know and therefore is someone is doing something that makes me feel rejected or ignored I assume that they know that it does that and that they are doing it on purpose so I withdraw from them. T is the first person who I could stick around long enough to realize he didn't know how I felt if I didn't verbalize it and he might not be doing the very thing I feared he was doing.

good luck whatever you decide to do.

Thank you - your comment really helped.

quote:

Originally posted by Rachel:
Also...I really don't think I could go back to another therapist after that.

Hi Rachel - I get extremely attached to therapists so I can completely understand your not wanting to try again with another therapist (and risk getting hurt again). Over a decade ago, I saw a therapist for 3 years. It didn't help at all but I couldn't bear losing her so I stuck around for 3 years until I forced myself to "give her up". For a decade I struggled on my own. Then when I couldn't do it anymore, my thought was I could never, ever go through therapy with anyone but that last therapist that I had seen for the 3 years. So I went back to her - it was a disaster and I got really hurt (not her fault - my issues) - it didn't work the decade ago and I don't know why I thought it would work "now". But I met another therapist in the hall while at the office - and that old therapist recommended her to me as well. I didn't let the two speak to each other about "my case"....but I did "start over" with someone new even though I thought it was the most impossible thing in the world to ever consider. And she is so much better for me than the other one. I never would have believed it in a million years. I still really miss the other one and sometimes call her voicemail to hear her voice ....but making the move to the new therapist made a world of difference. I just wanted to give you some encouragement that even though you don't think you could go through it again....it might actually work out and even be a better relationship for you.