Thank you for the reply. I'll just go for it b/c I'm absolutely desperate for feedback. I am a male and my "T" is a female. It may not sound like it but trust me a female was definitely best for me. I've been seeing her for about a year and we've over a year we've had out ups and downs but generally it's been great. I'm a recovering addict, which plays a role in this in many ways, I also have panic disorder and in turn a very low self esteem. After an appt. I left feeling great, self esteem, self worth, self confidence, all of that was raised and I've made incredible progress over the last year. She's told me of a decent amount about her personal life, I never asked but she told me and it never really bothered me. Until last week. Last week she crossed the line and I don't know why she would think it was OK to tell me what she did. As I said I'm a recovering addict and she told me she does something on her personal time....it has to do with a pipe. I'm not going to get into my personal opinion of that but it is the one thing I never really liked. What I don't get is why she would think that was OK to tell me? I've been reeling from it ever since. I was supposed to have an appt but I called to cancel b/c I don't respect her anymore. She called back and her the only explanation she would give was bad judgment. She also admitted she tells me too much personal info but the kicker is the very first thing she told me before any of that was she had surgery today. So she admits she tells me too much personal info but starts that very convo with I had surgery today! That's completely contradictory and I don't get it. After a great year I don't want to lose her as a therapist but I don't see how I can keep her anymore. What I what, nah need to know is why she tells me this and is it normal. She won't tell me why she tells so much stuff other than she tells me too much yet continues to tell me. I have one more I'd like to share but lets start there. I'll admit I have thought to myself if we met in a different way we could have been friends. We have a lot in common and get alone very well. I wonder if it's possible she feels the same way but forgets I'm not a friend she's my therapist and the line gets blurred b/w appropriate and inappropriate. I'm just taking guesses. I'd like to know why she tells me this stuff and if it's normal. Although I can't imagine it is. Sorry it was so long and again thank you very much for any feedback BTW she once even told me something another client told her. She didn't tell me who it was just something they said to her.

I've asked her for an explanation and she won't give me anything other than bad judgment. And considering my past which she knows very well I think there has to be more to it than just that. A therapist can't just tell a recovering addict they smoke weed and use bad judgment as the excuse. She told me it was bad judgment yet right after she told me she said does that bother you? If she asked if it bothered me she knew right away what she was saying and it was thought out. Oh and she said it with a big grin on her face as if I was supposed to think she was cool or something. I did get a lot from it and I would like to be able to work this out but I need a better explanation than oops bad judgment, especially considering afterwards she said does that bother you. That tells me she knew perfectly well what she was saying. To me these are the types of things you tell a close friend not me. I think there has to be more of a reason why she not only told me this but why she tells me these things in general. Again thanks

Hi Triton and welcome to the forum

I'm not sure how much wisdom I can impart on you if any but I will just give you my personal opinion on the thing and hopefully you can take something positive from it.

I can understand why you think it's inappropriate for her to disclose that information about her drug use to you. And while we all make mistakes, I agree that you still deserve a proper explanation.

My ex-T did disclose a little bit of information to me but very much small talk such as "as I was cycling into work this morning ..." sorta thing. Nothing really personal and while I had huge transference going on and secretly wanted to know about him I am really glad he kept things to himself. It would just have made things more difficult. I think it's good that you see your T as a T and think that the boundaries are important. And IMHO it's her job to keep the boundaries and talk you through it if you cross them rather than cross them herself.

However, while there is little to be gained from just being critical of your T, I agree with HB in that discussing this with her might help you in some way. I have just finished with my T and, honestly, I am not looking forward to the prospect of looking for a new one. I guess you have to weigh up the pros and cons of finding a new T or staying put. But if your current T refuses to discuss the current issue of her "overdisclosure" then I think it would be best ot move on. Therapy is about openness and discussing issues, not brushing things off.

Hope that's of some help.
x

I did call some others today, told them why I was considering changing and they were all stunned my "T" told me that. I told a girl I'm friend with today and she didn't even let me finish she cut me off and said she's attracted to you. And she's not the first person to tell me they think that. It's strange I had decided I was going to see someone new and I called her to tell her that. She answered when I called and said she came to the same decision last night, it would be best if I found someone new. We talked for about 10 minutes and the conversation finished with me going in tomorrow to see if it can be worked out or worked through. I found it strange that separately we decided I should find someone else, after talking we wanted to see if it can be fixed. There's no doubt it's very complicated and I'm not sure it should be this complicated.

Hi Triton.

In a way I'm very happy that you both came to the same conclusion separately and that you can talk it through together now. It seems as if she has realized that something was amiss. I really hope that your meeting with her is open and honest and that she supports you in your feelings and thoughts.

All the best,
CL

I saw my "T" today and I can't say things were definitely worked out but they're better. I'm going to take a month off (my decision) and we'll go from there. I have been looking into maybe changing. I called several over the last couple days, they always ask why I'm thinking about changing so I tell them and three of them told me my current "T" is attracted to me. They even went into detail about why they think that. One of them wanted me to confront her about it. They said tell her you've had three other "T's" say she's attracted to you and confront her with it. I didn't though b/c I didn't see the point. Whether it's true or not I figured she'd deny it but what if it was true and she admitted it then what? I wouldn't have known what to do if she said she was anyway and if she said no I wouldn't know if she was telling the truth or not. So I just didn't see the point in even bringing it up. I really appreciate all the feedback thanks again.