hello. i was recently in an 8 month long on and off relationship with a woman. my therapist often talks about my fear of being intimate and close with someone. i ended the relationship because i felt like it was not a good fit for me. the woman was very high energy and intense. that bothered me a lot. i often wanted her to calm down and stop talking so fast and to stop making so many plans. i just felt like the whole relationship was so challenging because of the commitments. i like to live moment to moment and she always wanted to know what we were doing on the weekend and stuff like that.

so i felt like it was a bad fit and ended things. my therapist tells me that from her perspective, it seems like things had been going well with me and this woman. that i even said many of the things that bother me about her seem to have faded and are not bothering me as much. and in the face of my getting closer to her, according to the therapist, i became scared and ended things.
this idea bothers me because it tells me that maybe this was a good thing and i sabotaged it. but i cant help but feel that i ended it because it was not the right thing for me.

im sad and confused and also scared that i am out of control in the sense that what if i ended it and it was really a good thing??? how could i do that? did i really do that?

thanks for reading this and any input is welcome.